The Forest Monster of Oz - Bob Evans
"How far is it from here?" asked Elephant, who was still carrying the
others on his broad back.
"Well," said Hootsey, "it isn't exactly close. We will have to travel
through some fairly rough territory to get to the Light Bulbs. But I'm
sure our pachyderm is up to it, if anyone is. And we do have our new
Queen along as well. I really don't think we'll have too many problems."
However, unbeknownst to the little owl, problems were exactly what lay
ahead of them. The elephant walked on for a few miles without incident,
but then came upon a marshy area. "I don't remember this place," said
Hootsey with disdain.
The marshy area was barren of all trees. Stretched out before them lay
what seemed to be miles of reeds surrounding patches of dirty looking
water with steam rising to form a veritable fog. The whole area looked
very formidable and quite scary.
"I don't like this a bit," Elephant remarked, with a concerned
expression on his face. "Who knows what's laying in wait under that
water? And it doesn't look as if we could get very far without walking
through it."
"And who knows how deep the water is?" Tweaty said. "It could be two
feet or twenty; maybe even some of the solid ground is really
quicksand!"
Just then a loud twittering sound was heard; soft at first but then
increasing in volume to totally surround the little group. Then heads
appeared above the reeds to signify the source of the twittering. The
heads were square; powdery white; and with round eyes like you might see
on a stuffed toy--except the expression on the square faces was anything
but cute. One rather large creature stood up to reveal a body of the
same substance. His whole body looked as if it was composed of giant
marshmallows, including his arms and legs.
"_I suppose_," he shouted in a booming voice that sounded as if it were
coming out of the bottom of a barrel. "I suppose you people think you
are going to traverse our lands."
"Not really," answered Elephant.
"Oh, how silly of me. Of course you are just here for a picnic,"
responded the creature with a sneer. "I should have realized. Quick!
Grab 'em, boys!"
The little band was immediately surrounded by hundreds of the creatures
who threw fishing nets over them, then rolled out wooden cages on
wheels.
After everyone was confined in the cages, the leader stepped forward to
address them again.
"Big mistake. Big mistake you made coming here. Not one trespasser has
ever set foot on our land and lived to tell the tale. You see, we are
the Keepers of the Crocodiles who live in these marshes and swamps. And
in return for keeping them well fed, they have agreed not to eat us and
to allow us to coexist with them in these waters. The substance of our
bodies is a sweet marshmallow material and we would be prey to all kinds
of creatures if we had to depart these lands. We were made of the same
material you are at one time, but we made the mistake of crossing swords
with a Wicked Witch and in a fit of anger, before you could say 'Jacky
Robinson,' she changed us into marshmallows. So here we are, and here
you are, just in time to feed a bunch of hungry crocodiles. Which is too
bad, really, but that's life--death sooner or later. And in your case,
it's sooner."
Elephant and Nibbles and Tweaty and Hootsey and Ozma and Lisa all looked
at each other with despair and foreboding.
"Look," said Elephant to the leader of the marshmallow people. "I am a
huge animal. My body will keep those crocodiles fed for weeks. While
Tweaty here, and Hootsey and Lisa, are tiny creatures. The crocodiles
would not even taste them. Why don't you let them go?"
"Hmmmm," murmured the marshmallow leader. "You have a point there. In
fact, the crocodiles could get quite annoyed with us for feeding them
such tiny morsels. Okay. We'll let them go. But what about her?" he
said, pointing to Ozma. "She would be quite a delicacy."
"Delicacy?" echoed Ozma. "I am not a delicacy. I am Ozma, Queen of Oz!"
The marshmallow man looked at the child and giggled. "You are the Queen
of something? Yeah, right! And I suppose that next you're going to tell
me that mortal men will one day be able to travel to the moon and back.
Ha! That's a laugh!"
"But it's true!" argued Elephant. "Ozma is the ruler of Oz."
"Indeed," added Lisa. "I'll admit, I was also a little shaken when I
first learned that the Queen of Oz was a little girl. But you must
understand that Ozma is of Fairy descent. She is not like a mortal child
at all. She has special abilities and powers that..."
[Illustration: Elephant and others in Cages]
"Silence!" shouted the marshmallow man. "I am not interested in hearing
your lies! This child is simply a tender and mouthwatering human
delicacy for the crocodiles to eat! That is all!" He looked at Ozma and
laughed. "Fairy descent? This is not a Fairy! I know about these things!
Fairies are tiny little critters with wings like those on one of our
dragonflies. This is just a human child. A perfectly ordinary human
child!"
Ozma looked at him indignantly, but she said nothing more. She knew that
it would be hard to convince anyone of her origin without some sort of
proof. And, indeed, what would serve as sufficient proof to convince
this Doubting Thomas? She knew all too well that, throughout history,
skeptics have always been known to cling to what they thought to be
truth, even when it was a foolish belief that they were clinging to.
Indeed, mortals in America had placed a great deal of faith in a
substance called radium. A highly radioactive and dangerous substance,
radium was being treated as a miracle medicine that had been hailed as a
cure-all for anything! This marshmallow man was every bit as
small-minded as the mortal men. If she were going to prove her position
and power, she would have to break through the imaginary wall that he
had built up in his mind concerning the proper look of Queens and
Fairies.
"My good man," she said in her most dignified voice, "I can understand
why you might assume what you do. It is true that I look more like a
little girl than the ruler of a vast country like Oz. And it is true
that some Fairy groups can be described as you have just suggested.
However, it is also true that there are different kinds of Fairies, just
as there are different kinds of marshmallows. The Fairy Queen Lurline
does not have wings, and she looks quite human, too. But if it is so
important to you, I can probably meet with your needs in a satisfactory
manner." She put her fingers to her temples and concentrated.
"What are you doing?" asked the marshmallow man in puzzlement. Then:
"Chicanery in Chittenango!" he exclaimed. "You have wings! But you
didn't have them a second or two ago!"
"Nor have I got them now," explained Ozma. "But I have made myself
appear to you as you would have me appear. Because I am a Fairy, I can
make myself look any way I please. But underneath, I am still the same
little girl I have always been." The wings vanished again.
"But how can this be?" shuddered the marshmallow man.
"It is really very simple," explained Ozma. "When I first took the
throne of Oz, I had the same blonde hair that you see me with now. But I
might decide one day to be a brunette." Her hair suddenly changed color
as she spoke. "Or even a redhead." Again, the child's hair changed
color. "Why, if I had a mind to, I could even make it green!" Again, her
hair color changed. "You know, I think I might want to try being a
brunette once in a while. Just for a change, you know. And if ever I
must meet with dignitaries from another country--especially one of those
narrow-minded mortal lands, I think I might want to appear to them as an
adult. But, of course, I like being youthful, so I will not really age.
I will just make myself appear that way on occasion when the situation
calls for it."
The marshmallow man fell to his marshmallow knees. "Forgive me, your
Highness!" he said. "You really are a Fairy! I most humbly apologize for
my mistake. But you must admit, you really did look like a mere human
child. How was I to know?"
"I don't think it should have mattered," said Elephant. "Do you really
imagine that it is ever proper to feed any sentient being to a
crocodile? Even a regular mortal child?"
"You are a wild animal," spoke the marshmallow man. "You should know
better than anyone that such is the way of survival. We do not want the
crocodiles to eat us, but we know that they must eat. I doubt that they
would be satisfied with tofu or falafel burgers, either. These
crocodiles are carnivorous, and they require fresh meat in order to
survive. Would you have them become extinct?"
"He has a point," said Hootsey. "We really can't blame the crocodiles
for their metabolisms. But we can't allow them to eat our Queen,
either!"
"Oh, no," said the marshmallow man. "Now that I know who she is, I have
no intention of feeding her to the crocodiles any more."
"Nor any of my companions," said Ozma in a tone of voice that would not
tolerate any argument. "But you do have a legitimate problem. You are
citizens of Oz, and therefore my subjects. I will not allow any of my
subjects to be threatened by any carnivorous crocodiles."
"Then the crocodiles will not be able to survive," said Lisa sadly.
"But nothing can actually die anywhere in Oz," said Nibbles.
"Then they will grow horribly uncomfortable if they can't eat what
Nature dictates they should," said Lisa. "I, for one, would rather die
than have a constant emptiness in my tummy or lack of energy due to
malnutrition."
"Indeed," agreed Elephant. "To go hungry is a terrible fate. Isn't there
some alternative?"
"Nothing short of allowing the crocodiles to eat you," replied the
marshmallow man.
"Then all is lost," sighed Hootsey. "Our benevolent ruler will have to
decide who will be the recipient of her benevolence. It will have to be
a choice between the carnivorous crocodiles or their natural source of
food. One of the two must suffer."
"How sad," said Lisa. "I had always heard that rulers and queens had a
tough job, but I had always doubted it. On the surface, it looks like
queens get to live in beautiful palaces with servants who meet all of
their needs. And they are allowed to go to bed any time they like, or
eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast if they wish. But now I begin to
understand why their lives are so difficult. I sure wouldn't want to
have to make a decision like that. Basically, you'll be condemning an
entire race to extinction--just like the dodo bird or the
winkledejimpker!"
"Couldn't we use criminals and thieves to feed to the crocodiles?"
suggested Nibbles.
"I will not allow even them to be tortured this way," said Ozma. "Even a
thief deserves a chance to make up for his past misbehaving."
"Then what can we do?" asked the marshmallow man.
"Hey!" said Elephant, suddenly having an idea. "There is a grove of
trees that grows near the Lunechien Forest. Some of the trees have
fruits growing on them. Others have seed pods or alarm clocks or other
such normal things that one always expects to find growing on trees. But
I think there are also a couple of ham and sausage trees there. I'll bet
they would suffice for the crocodiles. Then they wouldn't have to eat
any living creatures in order to satisfy their natural cravings."
"A grand idea!" said the marshmallow man. "I have never heard of such
odd trees as those, but I'm sure the crocodiles will be thrilled to
learn that they no longer have to be hated and feared by their fellow
beings."
"Of course," said Lisa. "No one wants to be feared. And if they are now
able to get their meat without any stalking or struggling, they might
need some other form of exercise to keep from growing fat or sluggish. I
think we should organize some group activities that will allow the
crocodiles and owls to interact together as friends."
"And maybe Pinky and I could arrange a similar thing for us elephants to
get together with them."
"I think the mice would be a little too scared," shuddered Nibbles.
"Not after I have one of those ham trees transplanted in their marsh,"
said Ozma. She turned to the marshmallow man. "Would you be willing to
take charge of that?"
"Of course," he replied. "It will also make my own people live in
greater comfort to know that the crocodiles will never be hungry for
them again. But ... er, just out of curiosity, are there any marshmallow
trees around? Just to be on the safe side, you know."
They all laughed.
CHAPTER 10
ALL ABOUT THE GILLIGOGGS AND THE DROFFS
The Droffs and the Gilligoggs had never understood each other. They were
a different people, really. For example, the Droffs were shaggy-looking
creatures with forms that resembled the Wooly Mammoth. They had short
squat legs like tree trunks; short squat little bodies with arms to
match, and heads that were too large for their bodies with eyes that
were buried beneath long straggly shaggy fur. Their voices had a deep
gruff sound not unlike a cave man might have sounded, and their words
came out in a torrent of grunts that did not vary in tone and that did
not exactly follow the rules of grammar. For example: "Who you?" "What
you name?" "How got you this place?" "Why you here for?" etc. Whereas
the Gilligoggs were quite elegant--even sophisticated--compared to the
Droffs. They were tall and slender, with long delicate fingers that they
waved expressively as they talked. They also had long hair but it was as
soft and sweet smelling as the Droffs' hair was coarse and pungent.
Their faces were feminine looking (even the males) with long curling
eyelashes, delicately chiseled features, full lips, etc. The only
perceptible difference between the males and females was that the males'
voices were a little deeper, and they were a little taller.
Anyway, as you can imagine, two peoples that were so different had very
little love for one another. Why this should be I do not know, except
that people with different appearances seem to distrust each other, even
when there has been no physical aggression between them. Neither group
would willingly mix with the other either socially or even live in the
other's neighborhood. Each race pretty much kept to itself.
I suppose that in a way, the Gilligoggs looked down on the Droffs. They
considered them somehow inferior to themselves. The Droffs were well
aware of this and were deeply resentful. Now if you or I were to try to
analyze the exact reason for this, we might fall short of our goal. We
could say that the Gilligoggs were far more intelligent because their
speech was more sophisticated. But if you took the trouble to get to
know a Droff, you would find that, in spite of their crude manner of
speech, they are, as a whole, equally as intelligent as the Gilligoggs,
except that they express their intelligence in a different way. Another
argument might be that the Droffs were not nearly so sweet smelling in
comparison. Now, this may be true in one way, but in actual fact, the
Droffs had just as high a standard of personal hygiene as the
Gilligoggs. It was just that the Gilligoggs' olfactory senses were
sensitive to the natural scent of the Droffs (just as the Droffs'
olfactory senses were equally sensitive to the natural scent of the
Gilligoggs). And while neither group found the other offensive in this
way, they could detect a difference, albeit on a subconscious level.
Another argument might be that the Droffs had lower social standards
than the Gilligoggs. This argument, too, has to fall by the wayside. For
reasons that we will not go into here, the Droffs had had difficulty in
keeping up with the Joneses, so to speak. Due to circumstances beyond
their control, they had not done quite as well on a socioeconomic scale.
So there you have it. And this was the situation that Elephant and his
pals were confronted with after their excursion with the Marshmallow
people. As they continued on their way to the home of the Saber-Toothed
Light-Bulbs, they hardly expected yet another interruption. But it
happened all the same. A particularly tall and attractive Gilligogg
woman who looked to be about sixteen approached them. She had dark hair
that glistened in the sunlight in a particularly gorgeous manner which
reminded Lisa of fine silk.
"Greetings," said Ozma to the young lady. Even though she was not
anxious to be interrupted again, she was always polite to her people.
She knew that, in order to be a good ruler for the land of Oz, she
should be aware of the individual needs of all of the Ozites.
"Good morrow," came the reply. The lady's voice was like music.
Beautiful music such as is usually reserved only for the Fairies, angels
or gods. So in awe of this lovely lady were our adventurers that only
Ozma found her voice which, though beautiful in its own youthful manner,
did not hold a candle to that of this Gilligogg lady.
"I am Ozma, the Queen of Oz," said the little girl. "My friends and I
are on our way to enlist the help of some people who live beyond your
territory. I hope you won't mind if we pass through your lovely
country."
"You are the Queen," said the lady. "I am only a princess. Far be it
from me to tell you what you can or can not do." She seemed
disinterested as she spoke. "My name is Dianna, and my father is the
ruler of the Gilligoggs." If this young lady felt any doubt that Ozma
was indeed a queen, she did not let on. Indeed, she seemed unconcerned
as to the identity of her queen. "But I shall tell you that the
Gilligoggs are the only people in this region. We are all that is here.
Well, unless you count the Droffs. But you could not be looking for the
Droffs. They are so far beneath your station."
"Oh, no," sighed Tweaty. "I think we are about to get stuck in the
middle of another time-consuming battle like the Stinkfoot and Sniffer
war! This will not be a good thing for any of the Lunechien Forest
denizens. Why, for all we know, that Forest Monster may already have
destroyed all of our friends and neighbors back home!"
"There is no war here," said Dianna matter-of-factly. "We Gilligoggs are
above such barbarous practices. Why, if I had to fight, I might break a
fingernail. But we do wish that the Droffs would go away. So long as
they are about, the property value on our homes must surely be going way
down."
[Illustration Ozma and a Droff]
"My my!" said Elephant. "Are these Droffs some sort of frightful
monsters, like the Kalidahs?"
"They are worse," said Dianna with a most elegant and sophisticated
shudder. "They look like... Well, actually they look a lot like you,
only they are all hairy and vulgar. You, at least, are not covered with
all that coarse fur. Still, I wonder if you might be related to them."
She took a nail file from her pocket and looked at her hands in an
uninterested manner.
"So then, they are elephants?" asked Nibbles.
"Shaggy elephants?" tweeted Tweaty.
"Wooly mammoths?" questioned Lisa and Hootsey together.
"Neither of those," replied the princess. "They are just Droffs."
"We did not come to seek the Droffs," said Ozma. "Nor did we come to see
the Gilligoggs. We were looking for the Saber-Toothed Light-Bulbs. Are
they not in this area?"
"They are," said Hootsey with certainty. "I know they are."
"Perhaps," said the young lady. "Perhaps they are among the Droffs. I do
not know of them. Nor do I especially care to. They might be
unpleasant."
"But how can you know whether or not they are pleasant if you refuse
even to see them?"
"Best to be safe," said Dianna. "Why invite trouble? We Gilligoggs have
always known that we are superior to all other living beings, so we
avoid contact with anyone else. If we start to invite trouble, we're
sure to get it in great doses."
"But that's awful!" put in Tweaty. "You don't even give them a chance?"
"Why should we? They are not Gilligoggs. Heavens! They have the most
outlandish-looking noses!" She eyed Elephant in a scrutinizing manner.
"I think I should like to meet these Droffs," harrumphed Elephant.
"Then by all means please leave as quickly as you can," said Dianna. "I
would not want my people to have to gaze upon anyone who would associate
with Droffs. They are messy things at best. I had offered you a great
honor in speaking to you, but you obviously do not appreciate it. Had
the dross not been with you, Miss Queen of Oz, I should not have even
acknowledged them. Good day to you..." So saying, the princess walked
away without looking back.
Our six adventurers hurried through the Gilligogg territory. Few of the
Gilligoggs even stopped to look at them as they passed through. Before
long, they came upon a creature who looked a good deal like Elephant,
and who was obviously a Droff.
"Hey," said the Droff. "Who you am?"
"I am Ozma, Queen of Oz," said the child.
"You much good to be here," replied the Droff. "Me are called Biff. Who
is them?"
Each of the five Lunechiens introduced himself.
"Me likes Elephant lots," said Biff. "Him look like Droff, but smooth.
Him might relative to me I. Maybe like Droff. Ozma Queen and others like
eat? Droffs no have much, but share. Me have oatmeal with much gravy.
For nice Queen, me even serve with sprinkles. Me likes Queen lots, and
Elephant. Have good seeds for birdies, too. Mouse want cheese? Me haves
Swiss. Usually only haves Swiss on Sunday. It is holey. But for friend
of good and nice Queen, me get some for nice little mouse."
"How kind," said Nibbles. "Thank you."
The Droff, though not as graceful as he might have been, served up a
repast that was happily received by his guests.
"The Droffs are obviously more hospitable than the Gilligoggs," said
Tweaty.
"Gilligoggs?" echoed Biff. "You am knowing Gilligoggs?"
"We just passed through their country on our way here," explained Lisa.
"Me wish me knew Gilligoggs," sighed Biff. "Them not let Droffs pass
through. Not come to visit Droffs, neither. To Gilligogg, Droff land
just place to dump stuff they no want."
"Stuff?" asked Ozma. "What stuff?"
"Old stuff, most," replied the Droff. "Rotted foods. Old packages.
Cigarette ends. You am knowing. Stuff."
"What slobs!" said Lisa with distaste. "And that princess had the nerve
to say that Droffs were messy!"
"But it explains why the Droffs have such low-quality land," sighed
Ozma. "It isn't that the Droffs are unsanitary. The very reason the
Gilligoggs look down on the Droffs is caused by the Gilligoggs
themselves!"
"They are high and sophisticated, I guess," added Hootsey. "But their
refusal to see what they are doing to the world around them has made
them into a life form that is most undesirable. They have made
themselves become exactly what they dislike in others."
"Me thinks that is not Gilligogg's fault," said Biff, defending his
neighbors. "Me has seen that all hatred do that lots. If you hate
something so bad that you try to be away from it a lot, you start to be
turning into it you self. Me not like hate. Me hate hate most
hatefulishly."
"Yes," agreed Lisa. "When knowledge is used for cruel purposes, there is
no knowledge any more. Both sides end up losers. I think the Gilligoggs
could learn a lot from the Droffs."
"Me thank you, owl bird," said Biff with a smile. "You am nice. Me likes
you."
"Me likes ... I mean, I like you, too," said Lisa. "Now tell me, do you
know of the Saber-Toothed Light-Bulbs?"
"Light-Bulbs?" echoed Biff. "Not know. Not do. Maybe friend know of
that, though. Friend are much smart and also wise. Him have good and
useful glass head. Him and him's people living close nearby. Them have
seen much."
"Hmmm," said Ozma. "Have them got large, sharp teeth?"
"Oh, yes!" said Biff. "Much good for opening packages! Much nice,
friends are. You be liking Droffs' friends. Me can take pretty queen and
nice Elephant and friends to see Droffs' friend as shortly as you am
finishing eatings. Me can show to other Droffs, too."
"I would like that very much," said Ozma. "I think I will like the
Droffs just fine."
"And them would be liking you," said Biff with certainty.
As soon as the visitors finished eating, the kindly Droff led them to an
adjacent valley wherein they saw bright lights. These, as Hootsey
explained, were the Saber-Toothed Light Bulbs themselves. From a
distance, they looked pretty much like ordinary light bulbs. But as our
little party drew closer, they could see the individuality of each
Saber-Toothed Light Bulb. One of the larger Light Bulbs saw them
approaching and lit up. "Look, fellows!" he said. "It's Biff! And he has
brought some friends along!"
"Hi, Watts!" said Biff to the light bulb. "Me is so happy to seeing you!
Me haves the Queen of Oz here, too. Her wants to meet you. Her are much
good and nice. You are liking her?"
"Of course," replied Watts. "Any friend of Biff's is a friend of mine!"
He extended one of his long appendages to the small queen. She took it
in her hand. "It is a pleasure," said Watts to Ozma. "I had heard that
Oz had a new queen. I am glad to see that you are a kind-looking one."
"Thank you," said Ozma.
"So what can I do for you?" asked Watts, quickly realizing that there
had to be some sort of business that had brought the queen to see him.