Lady Mary Wortley Montague - Lewis Melville
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"I am far from making misfortune a matter of reproach. I know there are
accidental occurences not to be foreseen or avoided by human prudence,
by which a character may be injured, wealth dissipated, or a
constitution impaired: but I think I may reasonably despise the
understanding of one who conducts himself in such a manner as naturally
produces such lamentable consequences, and continues in the same
destructive paths to the end of a long life, ostentatiously boasting of
morals and philosophy in print, and with equal ostentation bragging of
the scenes of low debauchery in public conversation, though deplorably
weak both in mind and body, and his virtue and his vigour in a state of
non-existence. His confederacy with Swift and Pope puts me in mind of
that of Bessus and his sword-men, in the _King and no King_,[18] who
endeavour to support themselves by giving certificates of each other's
merit. Pope has triumphantly declared that they may do and say whatever
silly things they please, they will still be the greatest geniuses
nature ever exhibited. I am delighted with the comparison given of their
benevolence, which is indeed most aptly figured by a circle in the
water, which widens till it comes to nothing at all; but I am provoked
at Lord B.'s misrepresentation of my favourite Atticus, who seems to
have been the only Roman that, from good sense, had a true notion of the
times in which he lived, in which the republic was inevitably perishing,
and the two factions, who pretended to support it, equally endeavouring
to gratify their ambition in its ruin. A wise man, in that case, would
certainly declare for neither, and try to save himself and family from
the general wreck, which could not be done but by a superiority of
understanding acknowledged on both sides. I see no glory in losing life
or fortune by being the dupe of either, and very much applaud that
conduct which could preserve an universal esteem amidst the fury of
opposite parties. We are obliged to act vigorously, where action can do
any good; but in a storm, when it is impossible to work with success,
the best hands and ablest pilots may laudably gain the shore if they
can. Atticus could be a friend to men without engaging in their
passions, disapprove their maxims without awaking their resentment, and
be satisfied with his own virtue without seeking popular fame: he had
the reward of his wisdom in his tranquillity, and will ever stand among
the few examples of true philosophy, either ancient or modern....
[Footnote 18: A play by Beaumont and Fletcher, licensed for the stage in
1611.]
"I must add a few words on the _Essay on Exile_, which I read with
attention, as a subject that touched me. I found the most abject
dejection under a pretended fortitude. That the author felt it, can be
no doubt to one that knows (as I do) the mean submissions and solemn
promises he made to obtain a return, flattering himself (I suppose) he
need only appear to be at the head of the administration, as every
ensign of sixteen fancies he is in a fair way to be a general on the
first sight of his commission.
"You will think I have been too long on the character of Atticus. I own
I took pleasure in explaining it. Pope thought himself covertly very
severe on Mr. Addison by giving him that name; and I feel indignation
when he is abused, both from his own merit, and having been your
father's friend; besides that it is naturally shocking to see any one
lampooned after his death by the same man who had paid him the most
servile court while he lived and was highly obliged by him."
As a periodical writer she compared Johnson unfavourably with Steele and
Addison:
"The _Rambler_ is certainly a strong misnomer; he always plods in the
beaten road of his predecessors, following the _Spectator_ (with the
same pace a pack-horse would do a hunter) in the style that is proper to
lengthen a paper. These writers may, perhaps, be of service to the
public, which is saying a great deal in their favour. There are numbers
of both sexes who never read anything but such productions, and cannot
spare time, from doing nothing, to go through a sixpenny pamphlet. Such
gentle readers may be improved by a moral hint, which, though repeated
over and over, from generation to generation, they never heard in their
lives. I should be glad to know the name of this laborious author."
CHAPTER XV
LADY MARY ON EDUCATION AND WOMAN'S RIGHTS
The choice of books for children's reading--The dangers of a narrow
education--Lady Mary advocates the higher education of women--Girls
should be taught languages--Lady Mary's theories of education for
girls--Women writers in Italy--A "rumpus" made by ladies in the House of
Lords--Woman's Rights--Lady Mary's views on religion.
In spite of her own fondness for books, Lady Mary was not a wholehearted
believer in reading for young folk, unless the choice of volumes was
carefully made by some competent person. This point she emphasised in
one of her letters to her daughter.
"I can't forbear saying something in relation to my granddaughters, who
are very near my heart. If any of them are fond of reading, I would not
advise you to hinder them (chiefly because it is impossible) seeing
poetry, plays, or romances; but accustom them to talk over what they
read, and point out to them, as you are very capable of doing, the
absurdity often concealed under fine expressions, where the sound is apt
to engage the admiration of young people. I was so much charmed, at
fourteen, with the dialogue of Henry and Emma, I can say it by heart to
this day, without reflecting on the monstrous folly of the story in
plain prose, where a young heiress to a fond father is represented
falling in love with a fellow she had only seen as a huntsman, a
falconer, and a beggar, and who confesses, without any circumstances of
excuse, that he is obliged to run his country, having newly committed a
murder. She ought reasonably to have supposed him, at best, a
highwayman; yet the virtuous virgin resolves to run away with him, to
live among the banditti, and wait upon his trollop, if she had no other
way of enjoying his company. This senseless tale is, however, so well
varnished with melody of words and pomp of sentiments, I am convinced it
has hurt more girls than ever were injured by the lewdest poems extant."
Life, Lady Mary was at pains to insist upon, is a much better instructor
for the young than any story-book, however innocuous it may seem to
grown-up people, who for the greater number have not the faculty of
seeing how the tale would have affected them in their childhood.
"I congratulate my granddaughters on being born in an age so much
enlightened. Sentiments are certainly extreme silly, and only qualify
young people to be the bubbles of all their acquaintance. I do not doubt
the frequency of assemblies has introduced a more enlarged way of
thinking; it is a kind of public education, which I have always thought
as necessary for girls as for boys. A woman married at five-and-twenty,
from under the eye of a strict parent, is commonly as ignorant as she
was at five; and no more capable of avoiding the snares, and struggling
with the difficulties, she will infallibly meet with in the commerce of
the world. The knowledge of mankind (the most useful of all knowledge)
can only be acquired by conversing with them. Books are so far from
giving that instruction, they fill the head with a set of wrong notions,
from whence spring the tribes of Clarissas, Harriets, &c. Yet such was
the method of education when I was in England, which I had it not in my
power to correct; the young will always adopt the opinions of all their
companions, rather than the advice of their mothers."
"Ignorance and a narrow education lay the foundations of vice," Mary
Astell had laid down as an axiom, and Lady Mary was always propounding
this to her daughter.
"I am extremely concerned to hear you complain of ill health, at a time
of life when you ought to be in the flower of your strength. I hope I
need not recommend to you the care of it: the tenderness you have for
your children is sufficient to enforce you to the utmost regard for the
preservation of a life so necessary to their well-being. I do not doubt
your prudence in their education: neither can I say anything particular
relating to it at this distance, different tempers requiring different
management. In general, never attempt to govern them (as most people do)
by deceit: if they find themselves cheated, even in trifles, it will so
far lessen the authority of their instructor, as to make them neglect
all their future admonitions. And, if possible, breed them free from
prejudices; those contracted in the nursery often influence the whole
life after, of which I have seen many melancholy examples. I shall say
no more of this subject, nor would have said this little if you had not
asked my advice: 'tis much easier to give rules than to practise them. I
am sensible my own natural temper is too indulgent: I think it the least
dangerous error, yet still it is an error. I can only say with truth,
that I do not know in my whole life having ever endeavoured to impose on
you, or give a false colour to anything that I represented to you. If
your daughters are inclined to love reading, do not check their
inclination by hindering them of the diverting part of it; it is as
necessary for the amusement of women as the reputation of men; but teach
them not to expect or desire any applause from it. Let their brothers
shine, and let them content themselves with making their lives easier by
it, which I experimentally know is more effectually done by study than
any other way. Ignorance is as much the fountain of vice as idleness,
and indeed generally produces it. People that do not read, or work for a
livelihood, have many hours they know not how to employ; especially
women, who commonly fall into vapours, or something worse."
Mary was an advocate, one of the earliest advocates, for the higher
education of woman. Although she had educated herself, she realised that
the circumstances in her case were exceptional, and no doubt it was also
borne in on her that she had been an exceptional girl even as she was a
remarkable woman. It was not so much lack of education against which she
tilted, as ill-directed studies.
"You have given me a great deal of satisfaction by your account of your
eldest daughter. I am particularly pleased to hear she is a good
arithmetician; it is the best proof of understanding: the knowledge of
numbers is one of the chief distinctions between us and the brutes. If
there is anything in blood, you may reasonably expect your children
should be endowed with an uncommon share of good sense. Mr. Wortley's
family and mine have both produced some of the greatest men that have
been born in England: I mean Admiral Sandwich, and my grandfather, who
was distinguished by the name of Wise William. I have heard Lord Bute's
father mentioned as an extraordinary genius, though he had not many
opportunities of showing it; and his uncle, the present Duke of Argyll,
has one of the best heads I ever knew. I will therefore speak to you as
supposing Lady Mary not only capable, but desirous of learning; in that
case by all means let her be indulged in it. You will tell me I did not
make it a part of your education: your prospect was very different from
hers. As you had no defect either in mind or person to hinder, and much
in your circumstances to attract, the highest offers, it seemed your
business to learn how to live in the world, as it is hers to know how to
be easy out of it. It is the common error of builders and parents to
follow some plan they think beautiful (and perhaps is so), without
considering that nothing is beautiful that is displaced. Hence we see so
many edifices raised that the raisers can never inhabit, being too large
for their fortunes. Vistas are laid open over barren heaths, and
apartments contrived for a coolness very agreeable in Italy, but killing
in the north of Britain: thus every woman endeavours to breed her
daughter a fine lady, qualifying her for a station in which she will
never appear, and at the same time incapacitating her for that
retirement to which she is destined. Learning, if she has a real taste
for it, will not only make her contented, but happy in it. No
entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting. She
will not want new fashions, nor regret the loss of expensive diversions,
or variety of company, if she can be amused with an author in her
closet. To render this amusement extensive, she should be permitted to
learn the languages. I have heard it lamented that boys lose so many
years in mere learning of words: this is no objection to a girl, whose
time is not so precious: she cannot advance herself in any profession,
and has therefore more hours to spare; and as you say her memory is
good, she will be very agreeably employed this way. There are two
cautions to be given on this subject: first, not to think herself
learned when she could read Latin, or even Greek. Languages are more
properly to be called vehicles of learning than learning itself, as may
be observed in many schoolmasters, who, though perhaps critics in
grammar, are the most ignorant fellows upon earth. True knowledge
consists in knowing things, not words. I would wish her no further a
linguist than to enable her to read books in their originals, that are
often corrupted, and always injured, by translations. Two hours'
application every morning will bring this about much sooner than you can
imagine, and she will have leisure enough besides to run over the
English poetry, which is a more important part of a woman's education
than it is generally supposed. Many a young damsel has been ruined by a
fine copy of verses, which she would have laughed at if she had known it
had been stolen from Mr. Waller. I remember, when I was a girl, I saved
one of my companions from destruction, who communicated to me an epistle
she was quite charmed with. As she had a natural good taste, she
observed the lines were not so smooth as Prior's or Pope's, but had more
thought and spirit than any of theirs. She was wonderfully delighted
with such a demonstration of her lover's sense and passion,
a little pleased with her own charms, that had force enough to inspire
such elegancies. In the midst of this triumph I showed her that they
were taken from Randolph's poems, and the unfortunate transcriber was
dismissed with the scorn he deserved. To say truth, the poor plagiary
was very unlucky to fall into my hands; that author being no longer in
fashion, would have escaped any one of less universal reading than
myself. You should encourage your daughter to talk over with you what
she reads; and, as you are very capable of distinguishing, take care she
does not mistake pert folly for wit and humour, or rhyme for poetry,
which are the common errors of young people, and have a train of ill
consequences. The second caution to be given her (and which is most
absolutely necessary) is to conceal whatever learning she attains, with
as much solicitude as she would hide crookedness or lameness; the parade
of it can only serve to draw on her the envy, and consequently the most
inveterate hatred, of all he and she fools, which will certainly be at
least three parts in four of all her acquaintance. The use of knowledge
in our sex, besides the amusement of solitude, is to moderate the
passions, and learn to be contented with a small expense, which are the
certain effects of a studious life; and it may be preferable even to
that fame which men have engrossed to themselves, and will not suffer us
to share. You will tell me I have not observed this rule myself; but you
are mistaken: it is only inevitable accident that has given me any
reputation that way. I have always carefully avoided it, and ever
thought it a misfortune. The explanation of this paragraph would
occasion a long digression, which I will not trouble you with, it being
my present design only to say what I think useful for the instruction of
my granddaughter, which I have much at heart. If she has the same
inclination (I should say passion) for learning that I was born with,
history, geography, and philosophy will furnish her with materials to
pass away cheerfully a longer life than is allotted to mortals. I
believe there are few heads capable of making Sir I. Newton's
calculations, but the result of them is not difficult to be understood by
a moderate capacity. Do not fear this should make her affect the character
of Lady----, or Lady----, or Mrs.----: those women are ridiculous,
not because they have learning but because they have it not. One thinks
herself a complete historian, after reading Echard's Roman History;
another a profound philosopher, having got by heart some of Pope's
unintelligible essays; and a third an able divine, on the strength of
Whitefield's sermons: thus you hear them screaming politics and
controversy.
"It is a saying of Thucydides, ignorance is bold, and knowledge
reserved. Indeed, it is impossible to be far advanced in it without
being more humbled by a conviction of human ignorance, than elated by
learning. At the same time I recommend books, I neither exclude work nor
drawing. I think it as scandalous for a woman not to know how to use a
needle, as for a man not to know how to use a sword. I was once
extremely fond of my pencil, and it was a great mortification to me when
my father turned off my master, having made a considerable progress for
a short time I learnt. My over-eagerness in the pursuit of it had
brought a weakness on my eyes, that made it necessary to leave it off;
and all the advantage I got was the improvement of my hand. I see, by
hers, that practice will make her a ready writer: she may attain it by
serving you for a secretary, when your health or affairs make it
troublesome to you to write yourself; and custom will make it an
agreeable amusement to her. She cannot have too many for that station of
life which will probably be her fate. The ultimate end of your education
was to make you a good wife (and I have the comfort to hear that you are
one): hers ought to be, to make her happy in a virgin state. I will not
say it is happier; but it is undoubtedly safer than any marriage. In a
lottery, which there are (at the lowest computation) ten thousand blanks
to a prize, it is the most prudent choice not to venture. I have always
been so thoroughly persuaded of this truth, that, notwithstanding the
flattering views I had for you (as I never intended you a sacrifice to
my vanity), I thought I owed you the justice to lay before you all the
hazards attending matrimony: you may recollect I did so in the strongest
manner. Perhaps you may have more success in the instructing your
daughter: she has so much company at home, she will not need seeking it
abroad, and will more readily take the notions you think fit to give her.
As you were alone in my family, it would have been thought a great
cruelty to suffer you no companions of your own age, especially having
so many near relations, and I do not wonder their opinions influenced
yours. I was not sorry to see you not determined on a single life,
knowing it was not your father's intention, and contented myself with
endeavouring to make your home so easy that you might not be in haste to
leave it."
Lady Mary's views on the education of children were well in advance of
her day. They were certainly not the stereotyped opinions current among
governesses or even parents somewhat more enlightened than the rest, and
evidently she had given much consideration to the subject before she put
her thoughts on paper.
"People commonly educate their children as they build their houses,
according to some plan they think beautiful, without considering whether
it is suited to the purposes for which they are designed. Almost all
girls of quality are educated as if they were to be great ladies, which
is often as little to be expected, as an immoderate heat of the sun in
the north of Scotland. You should teach yours to confine their desires
to probabilities, to be as useful as is possible to themselves, and to
think privacy (as it is) the happiest state of life. I do not doubt you
giving them all the instructions necessary to form them to a virtuous
life; but 'tis a fatal mistake to do this without proper restrictions.
Vices are often hid under the name of virtues, and the practice of them
followed by the worst of consequences. Sincerity, friendship, piety,
disinterestedness, and generosity, are all great virtues; but,
without discretion, become criminal. I have seen ladies indulge their
own ill humour by being very rude and impertinent, and think they
deserved approbation by saying I love to speak truth. One of your
acquaintance made a ball the next day after her mother died, to show she
was sincere. I believe your own reflection will furnish you with but too
many examples of the ill effects of the rest of the sentiments I have
mentioned, when too warmly embraced. They are generally recommended to
young people without limits or distinction, and this prejudice hurries
them into great misfortunes, while they are applauding themselves in the
noble practice (as they fancy) of very eminent virtues.
"I cannot help adding (out of my real affection to you), I wish you
would moderate that fondness you have for your children. I do not mean
you should abate any part of your care, or not do your duty to them in
its utmost extent: but I would have you early prepare yourself for
disappointments, which are heavy in proportion to their being
surprising. It is hardly possible, in such a number, that none should be
unhappy; prepare yourself against a misfortune of that kind. I confess
there is hardly any more difficult to support; yet it is certain
imagination has a great share in the pain of it, and it is more in our
power than it is commonly believed to soften whatever ills are founded
or augmented by fancy. Strictly speaking, there is but one real evil--I
mean, acute pain; all other complaints are so considerably diminished by
time, that it is plain the grief is owing to our passion, since the
sensation of it vanishes when that is over.
"There is another mistake, I forgot to mention, usual in mothers: if any
of their daughters are beauties, they take great pains to persuade them
that they are ugly, or at least that they think so, which the young
woman never fails to believe springs from envy, and is perhaps not much
in the wrong. I would, if possible, give them a just notion of their
figure, and show them how far it is valuable. Every advantage has its
price, and may be either over or undervalued. It is the common
doctrine of (what are called) good books, to inspire a contempt of
beauty, riches, greatness, &c., which has done as much mischief among
the young of our sex as an over eager desire of them. They should look
on these things as blessings where they are bestowed, though not
necessaries that it is impossible to be happy without."
Of course, all these expressions of opinions, although here gathered
together, were spread over a term of years. Yet, Lady Mary had from time
to time some qualms as to how her admonitions would be received by her
daughter, although, as she was careful once to point out: "I do not give
them as believing my age has furnished me with superior wisdom, but in
compliance with your desire."
"I cannot help writing a sort of apology for my laster letter,
foreseeing that you will think it wrong, or at least Lord Bute will be
extremely shocked at the proposal of a learned education for daughters,
which the generality of men believe as great a profanation as the clergy
would do if the laity should presume to exercise the functions of the
priesthood. I desire you would take notice, I would not have learning
enjoined them as a task, but permitted as a pleasure, if their genius
leads them naturally to it. I look upon my granddaughters as a sort of
lay nuns: destiny may have laid up other things for them, but they have
no reason to expect to pass their time otherwise than their aunts do at
present; and I know, by experience, it is in the power of study not only
to make solitude tolerable, but agreeable. I have now lived almost seven
years in a stricter retirement than yours in the Isle of Bute, and can
assure you, I have never had half an hour heavy on my hands, for want of
something to do. Whoever will cultivate their own mind, will find full
employment. Every virtue does not only require great care in the
planting, but as much daily solicitude in cherishing, as exotic fruits
and flowers. The vices and passions (which I am afraid are the natural
product of the soil) demand perpetual weeding. Add to this the search
after knowledge (every branch of which is entertaining), and the longest
life is too short for the pursuit of it; which, though in some regards
confined to very strait limits, leaves still a vast variety of
amusements to those capable of tasting them, which is utterly impossible
for those that are blinded by prejudices which are the certain effect of
an ignorant education. My own was one of the worst in the world, being
exactly the same as Clarissa Hawlowe's; her pious Mrs. Norton so
perfectly resembling my governess, who had been nurse to my mother, I
could almost fancy the author was acquainted with her. She took so much
pains, from my infancy, to fill my head with superstitious tales and
false notions, it was none of her fault I am not at this day afraid of
witches and hobgoblins, or turned methodist. Almost all girls are bred
after this manner. I believe you are the only woman (perhaps I might
say, person) that never was either frighted or cheated into anything by
your parents. I can truly affirm, I never deceived anybody in my life,
excepting (which I confess has often happened undesignedly) by speaking
plainly; as Earl Stanhope used to say (during his ministry) he always
imposed on the foreign ministers by telling them the naked truth, which,
as they thought impossible to come from the mouth of a statesman, they
never failed to write informations to their respective courts directly
contrary to the assurances he gave them: most people confounding the
ideas of sense and cunning, though there are really no two things in
nature more opposite: it is, in part, from this false reasoning, the
unjust custom prevails of debarring our sex from the advantages of
learning, the men fancying the improvement of our understandings would
only furnish us with more art to deceive them, which is directly
contrary to the truth. Fools are always enterprising, not seeing the
difficulties of deceit, or the ill consequences of detection. I could
give many examples of ladies whose ill conduct has been very notorious,
which has been owing to that ignorance which has exposed them to
idleness, which is justly called the mother of mischief. There is
nothing so like the education of a woman of quality as that of a prince:
they are taught to dance, and the exterior part of what is called good
breeding, which, if they attain, they are extraordinary creatures in
their kind, and have all the accomplishments required by their
directors. The same characters are formed by the same lessons, which
inclines me to think (if I dare say it) that nature has not placed us in
an inferior rank to men, no more than the females of other animals,
where we see no distinction of capacity; though, I am persuaded, if
there was a commonwealth of rational horses (as Doctor Swift has
supposed), it would be an established maxim among them, that a mare
could not be taught to pace. I could add a great deal on this subject,
but I am not now endeavouring to remove the prejudices of mankind; my
only design is, to point out to my granddaughters the method of being
contented with that retreat, to which probably their circumstances will
oblige them, and which is perhaps preferable to all the show of public
life. It has always been my inclination. Lady Stafford (who knew me
better than anybody else in the world, both from her own just
discernment, and my heart being ever as open to her as myself) used to
tell me, my true vocation was a monastery; and I now find, by
experience, more sincere pleasure with my books and garden, than all the
flutter of a court could give me.