Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Part 6 - Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
"HOW'D you come?"
"I come down on the Susan Powell from Cincinnati."
"Well, then, how'd you come to be up at the Pint in the MORNIN'--in a
canoe?"
"I warn't up at the Pint in the mornin'."
"It's a lie."
Several of them jumped for him and begged him not to talk that way to an
old man and a preacher.
"Preacher be hanged, he's a fraud and a liar. He was up at the Pint that
mornin'. I live up there, don't I? Well, I was up there, and he was up
there. I see him there. He come in a canoe, along with Tim Collins and
a boy."
The doctor he up and says:
"Would you know the boy again if you was to see him, Hines?"
"I reckon I would, but I don't know. Why, yonder he is, now. I know him
perfectly easy."
It was me he pointed at. The doctor says:
"Neighbors, I don't know whether the new couple is frauds or not; but if
THESE two ain't frauds, I am an idiot, that's all. I think it's our duty
to see that they don't get away from here till we've looked into this
thing. Come along, Hines; come along, the rest of you. We'll take these
fellows to the tavern and affront them with t'other couple, and I reckon
we'll find out SOMETHING before we get through."
It was nuts for the crowd, though maybe not for the king's friends; so we
all started. It was about sundown. The doctor he led me along by the
hand, and was plenty kind enough, but he never let go my hand.
We all got in a big room in the hotel, and lit up some candles, and
fetched in the new couple. First, the doctor says:
"I don't wish to be too hard on these two men, but I think they're
frauds, and they may have complices that we don't know nothing about. If
they have, won't the complices get away with that bag of gold Peter Wilks
left? It ain't unlikely. If these men ain't frauds, they won't object
to sending for that money and letting us keep it till they prove they're
all right--ain't that so?"
Everybody agreed to that. So I judged they had our gang in a pretty
tight place right at the outstart. But the king he only looked
sorrowful, and says:
"Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for I ain't got no disposition to
throw anything in the way of a fair, open, out-and-out investigation o'
this misable business; but, alas, the money ain't there; you k'n send and
see, if you want to."
"Where is it, then?"
"Well, when my niece give it to me to keep for her I took and hid it
inside o' the straw tick o' my bed, not wishin' to bank it for the few
days we'd be here, and considerin' the bed a safe place, we not bein'
used to niggers, and suppos'n' 'em honest, like servants in England. The
niggers stole it the very next mornin' after I had went down stairs; and
when I sold 'em I hadn't missed the money yit, so they got clean away
with it. My servant here k'n tell you 'bout it, gentlemen."
The doctor and several said "Shucks!" and I see nobody didn't altogether
believe him. One man asked me if I see the niggers steal it. I said no,
but I see them sneaking out of the room and hustling away, and I never
thought nothing, only I reckoned they was afraid they had waked up my
master and was trying to get away before he made trouble with them. That
was all they asked me. Then the doctor whirls on me and says:
"Are YOU English, too?"
I says yes; and him and some others laughed, and said, "Stuff!"
Well, then they sailed in on the general investigation, and there we had
it, up and down, hour in, hour out, and nobody never said a word about
supper, nor ever seemed to think about it--and so they kept it up, and
kept it up; and it WAS the worst mixed-up thing you ever see. They made
the king tell his yarn, and they made the old gentleman tell his'n; and
anybody but a lot of prejudiced chuckleheads would a SEEN that the old
gentleman was spinning truth and t'other one lies. And by and by they
had me up to tell what I knowed. The king he give me a left-handed look
out of the corner of his eye, and so I knowed enough to talk on the right
side. I begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we lived there, and all
about the English Wilkses, and so on; but I didn't get pretty fur till
the doctor begun to laugh; and Levi Bell, the lawyer, says:
"Set down, my boy; I wouldn't strain myself if I was you. I reckon you
ain't used to lying, it don't seem to come handy; what you want is
practice. You do it pretty awkward."
I didn't care nothing for the compliment, but I was glad to be let off,
anyway.
The doctor he started to say something, and turns and says:
"If you'd been in town at first, Levi Bell--" The king broke in and
reached out his hand, and says:
"Why, is this my poor dead brother's old friend that he's wrote so often
about?"
The lawyer and him shook hands, and the lawyer smiled and looked pleased,
and they talked right along awhile, and then got to one side and talked
low; and at last the lawyer speaks up and says:
"That 'll fix it. I'll take the order and send it, along with your
brother's, and then they'll know it's all right."
So they got some paper and a pen, and the king he set down and twisted
his head to one side, and chawed his tongue, and scrawled off something;
and then they give the pen to the duke--and then for the first time the
duke looked sick. But he took the pen and wrote. So then the lawyer
turns to the new old gentleman and says:
"You and your brother please write a line or two and sign your names."
The old gentleman wrote, but nobody couldn't read it. The lawyer looked
powerful astonished, and says:
"Well, it beats ME"--and snaked a lot of old letters out of his pocket,
and examined them, and then examined the old man's writing, and then THEM
again; and then says: "These old letters is from Harvey Wilks; and
here's THESE two handwritings, and anybody can see they didn't write
them" (the king and the duke looked sold and foolish, I tell you, to see
how the lawyer had took them in), "and here's THIS old gentleman's hand
writing, and anybody can tell, easy enough, HE didn't write them--fact
is, the scratches he makes ain't properly WRITING at all. Now, here's
some letters from--"
The new old gentleman says:
"If you please, let me explain. Nobody can read my hand but my brother
there--so he copies for me. It's HIS hand you've got there, not mine."
"WELL!" says the lawyer, "this IS a state of things. I've got some of
William's letters, too; so if you'll get him to write a line or so we can
com--"
"He CAN'T write with his left hand," says the old gentleman. "If he
could use his right hand, you would see that he wrote his own letters and
mine too. Look at both, please--they're by the same hand."
The lawyer done it, and says:
"I believe it's so--and if it ain't so, there's a heap stronger
resemblance than I'd noticed before, anyway. Well, well, well! I
thought we was right on the track of a solution, but it's gone to grass,
partly. But anyway, one thing is proved--THESE two ain't either of 'em
Wilkses"--and he wagged his head towards the king and the duke.
Well, what do you think? That muleheaded old fool wouldn't give in THEN!
Indeed he wouldn't. Said it warn't no fair test. Said his brother
William was the cussedest joker in the world, and hadn't tried to write
--HE see William was going to play one of his jokes the minute he put the
pen to paper. And so he warmed up and went warbling right along till he
was actuly beginning to believe what he was saying HIMSELF; but pretty
soon the new gentleman broke in, and says:
"I've thought of something. Is there anybody here that helped to lay out
my br--helped to lay out the late Peter Wilks for burying?"
"Yes," says somebody, "me and Ab Turner done it. We're both here."
Then the old man turns towards the king, and says:
"Perhaps this gentleman can tell me what was tattooed on his breast?"
Blamed if the king didn't have to brace up mighty quick, or he'd a
squshed down like a bluff bank that the river has cut under, it took him
so sudden; and, mind you, it was a thing that was calculated to make most
ANYBODY sqush to get fetched such a solid one as that without any notice,
because how was HE going to know what was tattooed on the man? He
whitened a little; he couldn't help it; and it was mighty still in there,
and everybody bending a little forwards and gazing at him. Says I to
myself, NOW he'll throw up the sponge--there ain't no more use. Well,
did he? A body can't hardly believe it, but he didn't. I reckon he
thought he'd keep the thing up till he tired them people out, so they'd
thin out, and him and the duke could break loose and get away. Anyway,
he set there, and pretty soon he begun to smile, and says:
"Mf! It's a VERY tough question, AIN'T it! YES, sir, I k'n tell you
what's tattooed on his breast. It's jest a small, thin, blue arrow
--that's what it is; and if you don't look clost, you can't see it. NOW
what do you say--hey?"
Well, I never see anything like that old blister for clean out-and-out
cheek.
The new old gentleman turns brisk towards Ab Turner and his pard, and his
eye lights up like he judged he'd got the king THIS time, and says:
"There--you've heard what he said! Was there any such mark on Peter
Wilks' breast?"
Both of them spoke up and says:
"We didn't see no such mark."
"Good!" says the old gentleman. "Now, what you DID see on his breast was
a small dim P, and a B (which is an initial he dropped when he was
young), and a W, with dashes between them, so: P--B--W"--and he marked
them that way on a piece of paper. "Come, ain't that what you saw?"
Both of them spoke up again, and says:
"No, we DIDN'T. We never seen any marks at all."
Well, everybody WAS in a state of mind now, and they sings out:
"The whole BILIN' of 'm 's frauds! Le's duck 'em! le's drown 'em! le's
ride 'em on a rail!" and everybody was whooping at once, and there was a
rattling powwow. But the lawyer he jumps on the table and yells, and
says:
"Gentlemen--gentleMEN! Hear me just a word--just a SINGLE word--if you
PLEASE! There's one way yet--let's go and dig up the corpse and look."
That took them.
"Hooray!" they all shouted, and was starting right off; but the lawyer
and the doctor sung out:
"Hold on, hold on! Collar all these four men and the boy, and fetch THEM
along, too!"
"We'll do it!" they all shouted; "and if we don't find them marks we'll
lynch the whole gang!"
I WAS scared, now, I tell you. But there warn't no getting away, you
know. They gripped us all, and marched us right along, straight for the
graveyard, which was a mile and a half down the river, and the whole town
at our heels, for we made noise enough, and it was only nine in the
evening.
As we went by our house I wished I hadn't sent Mary Jane out of town;
because now if I could tip her the wink she'd light out and save me, and
blow on our dead-beats.
Well, we swarmed along down the river road, just carrying on like
wildcats; and to make it more scary the sky was darking up, and the
lightning beginning to wink and flitter, and the wind to shiver amongst
the leaves. This was the most awful trouble and most dangersome I ever
was in; and I was kinder stunned; everything was going so different from
what I had allowed for; stead of being fixed so I could take my own time
if I wanted to, and see all the fun, and have Mary Jane at my back to
save me and set me free when the close-fit come, here was nothing in the
world betwixt me and sudden death but just them tattoo-marks. If they
didn't find them--
I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn't think
about nothing else. It got darker and darker, and it was a beautiful
time to give the crowd the slip; but that big husky had me by the wrist
--Hines--and a body might as well try to give Goliar the slip. He dragged
me right along, he was so excited, and I had to run to keep up.
When they got there they swarmed into the graveyard and washed over it
like an overflow. And when they got to the grave they found they had
about a hundred times as many shovels as they wanted, but nobody hadn't
thought to fetch a lantern. But they sailed into digging anyway by the
flicker of the lightning, and sent a man to the nearest house, a half a
mile off, to borrow one.
So they dug and dug like everything; and it got awful dark, and the rain
started, and the wind swished and swushed along, and the lightning come
brisker and brisker, and the thunder boomed; but them people never took
no notice of it, they was so full of this business; and one minute you
could see everything and every face in that big crowd, and the shovelfuls
of dirt sailing up out of the grave, and the next second the dark wiped
it all out, and you couldn't see nothing at all.
At last they got out the coffin and begun to unscrew the lid, and then
such another crowding and shouldering and shoving as there was, to
scrouge in and get a sight, you never see; and in the dark, that way, it
was awful. Hines he hurt my wrist dreadful pulling and tugging so, and I
reckon he clean forgot I was in the world, he was so excited and panting.
All of a sudden the lightning let go a perfect sluice of white glare, and
somebody sings out:
"By the living jingo, here's the bag of gold on his breast!"
Hines let out a whoop, like everybody else, and dropped my wrist and give
a big surge to bust his way in and get a look, and the way I lit out and
shinned for the road in the dark there ain't nobody can tell.
I had the road all to myself, and I fairly flew--leastways, I had it all
to myself except the solid dark, and the now-and-then glares, and the
buzzing of the rain, and the thrashing of the wind, and the splitting of
the thunder; and sure as you are born I did clip it along!
When I struck the town I see there warn't nobody out in the storm, so I
never hunted for no back streets, but humped it straight through the main
one; and when I begun to get towards our house I aimed my eye and set it.
No light there; the house all dark--which made me feel sorry and
disappointed, I didn't know why. But at last, just as I was sailing by,
FLASH comes the light in Mary Jane's window! and my heart swelled up
sudden, like to bust; and the same second the house and all was behind me
in the dark, and wasn't ever going to be before me no more in this world.
She WAS the best girl I ever see, and had the most sand.
The minute I was far enough above the town to see I could make the
towhead, I begun to look sharp for a boat to borrow, and the first time
the lightning showed me one that wasn't chained I snatched it and shoved.
It was a canoe, and warn't fastened with nothing but a rope. The towhead
was a rattling big distance off, away out there in the middle of the
river, but I didn't lose no time; and when I struck the raft at last I
was so fagged I would a just laid down to blow and gasp if I could
afforded it. But I didn't. As I sprung aboard I sung out:
"Out with you, Jim, and set her loose! Glory be to goodness, we're shut
of them!"
Jim lit out, and was a-coming for me with both arms spread, he was so
full of joy; but when I glimpsed him in the lightning my heart shot up in
my mouth and I went overboard backwards; for I forgot he was old King
Lear and a drownded A-rab all in one, and it most scared the livers and
lights out of me. But Jim fished me out, and was going to hug me and
bless me, and so on, he was so glad I was back and we was shut of the
king and the duke, but I says:
"Not now; have it for breakfast, have it for breakfast! Cut loose and
let her slide!"
So in two seconds away we went a-sliding down the river, and it DID seem
so good to be free again and all by ourselves on the big river, and
nobody to bother us. I had to skip around a bit, and jump up and crack
my heels a few times--I couldn't help it; but about the third crack I
noticed a sound that I knowed mighty well, and held my breath and
listened and waited; and sure enough, when the next flash busted out over
the water, here they come!--and just a-laying to their oars and making
their skiff hum! It was the king and the duke.
So I wilted right down on to the planks then, and give up; and it was all
I could do to keep from crying.
CHAPTER XXX.
WHEN they got aboard the king went for me, and shook me by the collar,
and says:
"Tryin' to give us the slip, was ye, you pup! Tired of our company,
hey?"
I says:
"No, your majesty, we warn't--PLEASE don't, your majesty!"
"Quick, then, and tell us what WAS your idea, or I'll shake the insides
out o' you!"
"Honest, I'll tell you everything just as it happened, your majesty. The
man that had a-holt of me was very good to me, and kept saying he had a
boy about as big as me that died last year, and he was sorry to see a boy
in such a dangerous fix; and when they was all took by surprise by
finding the gold, and made a rush for the coffin, he lets go of me and
whispers, 'Heel it now, or they'll hang ye, sure!' and I lit out. It
didn't seem no good for ME to stay--I couldn't do nothing, and I didn't
want to be hung if I could get away. So I never stopped running till I
found the canoe; and when I got here I told Jim to hurry, or they'd catch
me and hang me yet, and said I was afeard you and the duke wasn't alive
now, and I was awful sorry, and so was Jim, and was awful glad when we
see you coming; you may ask Jim if I didn't."
Jim said it was so; and the king told him to shut up, and said, "Oh, yes,
it's MIGHTY likely!" and shook me up again, and said he reckoned he'd
drownd me. But the duke says:
"Leggo the boy, you old idiot! Would YOU a done any different? Did you
inquire around for HIM when you got loose? I don't remember it."
So the king let go of me, and begun to cuss that town and everybody in
it. But the duke says:
"You better a blame' sight give YOURSELF a good cussing, for you're the
one that's entitled to it most. You hain't done a thing from the start
that had any sense in it, except coming out so cool and cheeky with that
imaginary blue-arrow mark. That WAS bright--it was right down bully; and
it was the thing that saved us. For if it hadn't been for that they'd a
jailed us till them Englishmen's baggage come--and then--the
penitentiary, you bet! But that trick took 'em to the graveyard, and the
gold done us a still bigger kindness; for if the excited fools hadn't let
go all holts and made that rush to get a look we'd a slept in our cravats
to-night--cravats warranted to WEAR, too--longer than WE'D need 'em."
They was still a minute--thinking; then the king says, kind of
absent-minded like:
"Mf! And we reckoned the NIGGERS stole it!"
That made me squirm!
"Yes," says the duke, kinder slow and deliberate and sarcastic, "WE did."
After about a half a minute the king drawls out:
"Leastways, I did."
The duke says, the same way:
"On the contrary, I did."
The king kind of ruffles up, and says:
"Looky here, Bilgewater, what'r you referrin' to?"
The duke says, pretty brisk:
"When it comes to that, maybe you'll let me ask, what was YOU referring
to?"
"Shucks!" says the king, very sarcastic; "but I don't know--maybe you was
asleep, and didn't know what you was about."
The duke bristles up now, and says:
"Oh, let UP on this cussed nonsense; do you take me for a blame' fool?
Don't you reckon I know who hid that money in that coffin?"
"YES, sir! I know you DO know, because you done it yourself!"
"It's a lie!"--and the duke went for him. The king sings out:
"Take y'r hands off!--leggo my throat!--I take it all back!"
The duke says:
"Well, you just own up, first, that you DID hide that money there,
intending to give me the slip one of these days, and come back and dig it
up, and have it all to yourself."
"Wait jest a minute, duke--answer me this one question, honest and fair;
if you didn't put the money there, say it, and I'll b'lieve you, and take
back everything I said."
"You old scoundrel, I didn't, and you know I didn't. There, now!"
"Well, then, I b'lieve you. But answer me only jest this one more--now
DON'T git mad; didn't you have it in your mind to hook the money and hide
it?"
The duke never said nothing for a little bit; then he says:
"Well, I don't care if I DID, I didn't DO it, anyway. But you not only
had it in mind to do it, but you DONE it."
"I wisht I never die if I done it, duke, and that's honest. I won't say
I warn't goin' to do it, because I WAS; but you--I mean somebody--got in
ahead o' me."
"It's a lie! You done it, and you got to SAY you done it, or--"
The king began to gurgle, and then he gasps out:
"'Nough!--I OWN UP!"
I was very glad to hear him say that; it made me feel much more easier
than what I was feeling before. So the duke took his hands off and says:
"If you ever deny it again I'll drown you. It's WELL for you to set
there and blubber like a baby--it's fitten for you, after the way you've
acted. I never see such an old ostrich for wanting to gobble everything
--and I a-trusting you all the time, like you was my own father. You ought
to been ashamed of yourself to stand by and hear it saddled on to a lot
of poor niggers, and you never say a word for 'em. It makes me feel
ridiculous to think I was soft enough to BELIEVE that rubbage. Cuss you,
I can see now why you was so anxious to make up the deffisit--you wanted
to get what money I'd got out of the Nonesuch and one thing or another,
and scoop it ALL!"
The king says, timid, and still a-snuffling:
"Why, duke, it was you that said make up the deffisit; it warn't me."
"Dry up! I don't want to hear no more out of you!" says the duke. "And
NOW you see what you GOT by it. They've got all their own money back,
and all of OURN but a shekel or two BESIDES. G'long to bed, and don't
you deffersit ME no more deffersits, long 's YOU live!"
So the king sneaked into the wigwam and took to his bottle for comfort,
and before long the duke tackled HIS bottle; and so in about a half an
hour they was as thick as thieves again, and the tighter they got the
lovinger they got, and went off a-snoring in each other's arms. They
both got powerful mellow, but I noticed the king didn't get mellow enough
to forget to remember to not deny about hiding the money-bag again. That
made me feel easy and satisfied. Of course when they got to snoring we
had a long gabble, and I told Jim everything.