The History of Don Quixote, Volume II., Complete - Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
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"What say you to this, good old man, you with the stick?" said Sancho.
To which the old man replied, "I admit, senor, that he lent them to me;
but let your worship lower your staff, and as he leaves it to my oath,
I'll swear that I gave them back, and paid him really and truly."
The governor lowered the staff, and as he did so the old man who had the
stick handed it to the other old man to hold for him while he swore, as
if he found it in his way; and then laid his hand on the cross of the
staff, saying that it was true the ten crowns that were demanded of him
had been lent him; but that he had with his own hand given them back into
the hand of the other, and that he, not recollecting it, was always
asking for them.
Seeing this the great governor asked the creditor what answer he had to
make to what his opponent said. He said that no doubt his debtor had told
the truth, for he believed him to be an honest man and a good Christian,
and he himself must have forgotten when and how he had given him back the
crowns; and that from that time forth he would make no further demand
upon him.
The debtor took his stick again, and bowing his head left the court.
Observing this, and how, without another word, he made off, and observing
too the resignation of the plaintiff, Sancho buried his head in his bosom
and remained for a short space in deep thought, with the forefinger of
his right hand on his brow and nose; then he raised his head and bade
them call back the old man with the stick, for he had already taken his
departure. They brought him back, and as soon as Sancho saw him he said,
"Honest man, give me that stick, for I want it."
"Willingly," said the old man; "here it is senor," and he put it into his
hand.
Sancho took it and, handing it to the other old man, said to him, "Go,
and God be with you; for now you are paid."
"I, senor!" returned the old man; "why, is this cane worth ten
gold-crowns?"
"Yes," said the governor, "or if not I am the greatest dolt in the world;
now you will see whether I have got the headpiece to govern a whole
kingdom;" and he ordered the cane to be broken in two, there, in the
presence of all. It was done, and in the middle of it they found ten
gold-crowns. All were filled with amazement, and looked upon their
governor as another Solomon. They asked him how he had come to the
conclusion that the ten crowns were in the cane; he replied, that
observing how the old man who swore gave the stick to his opponent while
he was taking the oath, and swore that he had really and truly given him
the crowns, and how as soon as he had done swearing he asked for the
stick again, it came into his head that the sum demanded must be inside
it; and from this he said it might be seen that God sometimes guides
those who govern in their judgments, even though they may be fools;
besides he had himself heard the curate of his village mention just such
another case, and he had so good a memory, that if it was not that he
forgot everything he wished to remember, there would not be such a memory
in all the island. To conclude, the old men went off, one crestfallen,
and the other in high contentment, all who were present were astonished,
and he who was recording the words, deeds, and movements of Sancho could
not make up his mind whether he was to look upon him and set him down as
a fool or as a man of sense.
As soon as this case was disposed of, there came into court a woman
holding on with a tight grip to a man dressed like a well-to-do cattle
dealer, and she came forward making a great outcry and exclaiming,
"Justice, senor governor, justice! and if I don't get it on earth I'll go
look for it in heaven. Senor governor of my soul, this wicked man caught
me in the middle of the fields here and used my body as if it was an
ill-washed rag, and, woe is me! got from me what I had kept these
three-and-twenty years and more, defending it against Moors and
Christians, natives and strangers; and I always as hard as an oak, and
keeping myself as pure as a salamander in the fire, or wool among the
brambles, for this good fellow to come now with clean hands to handle
me!"
"It remains to be proved whether this gallant has clean hands or not,"
said Sancho; and turning to the man he asked him what he had to say in
answer to the woman's charge.
He all in confusion made answer, "Sirs, I am a poor pig dealer, and this
morning I left the village to sell (saving your presence) four pigs, and
between dues and cribbings they got out of me little less than the worth
of them. As I was returning to my village I fell in on the road with this
good dame, and the devil who makes a coil and a mess out of everything,
yoked us together. I paid her fairly, but she not contented laid hold of
me and never let go until she brought me here; she says I forced her, but
she lies by the oath I swear or am ready to swear; and this is the whole
truth and every particle of it."
The governor on this asked him if he had any money in silver about him;
he said he had about twenty ducats in a leather purse in his bosom. The
governor bade him take it out and hand it to the complainant; he obeyed
trembling; the woman took it, and making a thousand salaams to all and
praying to God for the long life and health of the senor governor who had
such regard for distressed orphans and virgins, she hurried out of court
with the purse grasped in both her hands, first looking, however, to see
if the money it contained was silver.
As soon as she was gone Sancho said to the cattle dealer, whose tears
were already starting and whose eyes and heart were following his purse,
"Good fellow, go after that woman and take the purse from her, by force
even, and come back with it here;" and he did not say it to one who was a
fool or deaf, for the man was off like a flash of lightning, and ran to
do as he was bid.
All the bystanders waited anxiously to see the end of the case, and
presently both man and woman came back at even closer grips than before,
she with her petticoat up and the purse in the lap of it, and he
struggling hard to take it from her, but all to no purpose, so stout was
the woman's defence, she all the while crying out, "Justice from God and
the world! see here, senor governor, the shamelessness and boldness of
this villain, who in the middle of the town, in the middle of the street,
wanted to take from me the purse your worship bade him give me."
"And did he take it?" asked the governor.
"Take it!" said the woman; "I'd let my life be taken from me sooner than
the purse. A pretty child I'd be! It's another sort of cat they must
throw in my face, and not that poor scurvy knave. Pincers and hammers,
mallets and chisels would not get it out of my grip; no, nor lions'
claws; the soul from out of my body first!"
"She is right," said the man; "I own myself beaten and powerless; I
confess I haven't the strength to take it from her;" and he let go his
hold of her.
Upon this the governor said to the woman, "Let me see that purse, my
worthy and sturdy friend." She handed it to him at once, and the governor
returned it to the man, and said to the unforced mistress of force,
"Sister, if you had shown as much, or only half as much, spirit and
vigour in defending your body as you have shown in defending that purse,
the strength of Hercules could not have forced you. Be off, and God speed
you, and bad luck to you, and don't show your face in all this island, or
within six leagues of it on any side, under pain of two hundred lashes;
be off at once, I say, you shameless, cheating shrew."
The woman was cowed and went off disconsolately, hanging her head; and
the governor said to the man, "Honest man, go home with your money, and
God speed you; and for the future, if you don't want to lose it, see that
you don't take it into your head to yoke with anybody." The man thanked
him as clumsily as he could and went his way, and the bystanders were
again filled with admiration at their new governor's judgments and
sentences.
Next, two men, one apparently a farm labourer, and the other a tailor,
for he had a pair of shears in his hand, presented themselves before him,
and the tailor said, "Senor governor, this labourer and I come before
your worship by reason of this honest man coming to my shop yesterday
(for saving everybody's presence I'm a passed tailor, God be thanked),
and putting a piece of cloth into my hands and asking me, 'Senor, will
there be enough in this cloth to make me a cap?' Measuring the cloth I
said there would. He probably suspected--as I supposed, and I supposed
right--that I wanted to steal some of the cloth, led to think so by his
own roguery and the bad opinion people have of tailors; and he told me to
see if there would be enough for two. I guessed what he would be at, and
I said 'yes.' He, still following up his original unworthy notion, went
on adding cap after cap, and I 'yes' after 'yes,' until we got as far as
five. He has just this moment come for them; I gave them to him, but he
won't pay me for the making; on the contrary, he calls upon me to pay
him, or else return his cloth."
"Is all this true, brother?" said Sancho.
"Yes," replied the man; "but will your worship make him show the five
caps he has made me?"
"With all my heart," said the tailor; and drawing his hand from under his
cloak he showed five caps stuck upon the five fingers of it, and said,
"there are the caps this good man asks for; and by God and upon my
conscience I haven't a scrap of cloth left, and I'll let the work be
examined by the inspectors of the trade."
All present laughed at the number of caps and the novelty of the suit;
Sancho set himself to think for a moment, and then said, "It seems to me
that in this case it is not necessary to deliver long-winded arguments,
but only to give off-hand the judgment of an honest man; and so my
decision is that the tailor lose the making and the labourer the cloth,
and that the caps go to the prisoners in the gaol, and let there be no
more about it."
If the previous decision about the cattle dealer's purse excited the
admiration of the bystanders, this provoked their laughter; however, the
governor's orders were after all executed. All this, having been taken
down by his chronicler, was at once despatched to the duke, who was
looking out for it with great eagerness; and here let us leave the good
Sancho; for his master, sorely troubled in mind by Altisidora's music,
has pressing claims upon us now.
CHAPTER XLVI.
OF THE TERRIBLE BELL AND CAT FRIGHT THAT DON QUIXOTE GOT IN THE COURSE OF
THE ENAMOURED ALTISIDORA'S WOOING
We left Don Quixote wrapped up in the reflections which the music of the
enamourned maid Altisidora had given rise to. He went to bed with them,
and just like fleas they would not let him sleep or get a moment's rest,
and the broken stitches of his stockings helped them. But as Time is
fleet and no obstacle can stay his course, he came riding on the hours,
and morning very soon arrived. Seeing which Don Quixote quitted the soft
down, and, nowise slothful, dressed himself in his chamois suit and put
on his travelling boots to hide the disaster to his stockings. He threw
over him his scarlet mantle, put on his head a montera of green velvet
trimmed with silver edging, flung across his shoulder the baldric with
his good trenchant sword, took up a large rosary that he always carried
with him, and with great solemnity and precision of gait proceeded to the
antechamber where the duke and duchess were already dressed and waiting
for him. But as he passed through a gallery, Altisidora and the other
damsel, her friend, were lying in wait for him, and the instant
Altisidora saw him she pretended to faint, while her friend caught her in
her lap, and began hastily unlacing the bosom of her dress.
Don Quixote observed it, and approaching them said, "I know very well
what this seizure arises from."
"I know not from what," replied the friend, "for Altisidora is the
healthiest damsel in all this house, and I have never heard her complain
all the time I have known her. A plague on all the knights-errant in the
world, if they be all ungrateful! Go away, Senor Don Quixote; for this
poor child will not come to herself again so long as you are here."
To which Don Quixote returned, "Do me the favour, senora, to let a lute
be placed in my chamber to-night; and I will comfort this poor maiden to
the best of my power; for in the early stages of love a prompt
disillusion is an approved remedy;" and with this he retired, so as not
to be remarked by any who might see him there.
He had scarcely withdrawn when Altisidora, recovering from her swoon,
said to her companion, "The lute must be left, for no doubt Don Quixote
intends to give us some music; and being his it will not be bad."
They went at once to inform the duchess of what was going on, and of the
lute Don Quixote asked for, and she, delighted beyond measure, plotted
with the duke and her two damsels to play him a trick that should be
amusing but harmless; and in high glee they waited for night, which came
quickly as the day had come; and as for the day, the duke and duchess
spent it in charming conversation with Don Quixote.
When eleven o'clock came, Don Quixote found a guitar in his chamber; he
tried it, opened the window, and perceived that some persons were walking
in the garden; and having passed his fingers over the frets of the guitar
and tuned it as well as he could, he spat and cleared his chest, and then
with a voice a little hoarse but full-toned, he sang the following
ballad, which he had himself that day composed:
Mighty Love the hearts of maidens
Doth unsettle and perplex,
And the instrument he uses
Most of all is idleness.
Sewing, stitching, any labour,
Having always work to do,
To the poison Love instilleth
Is the antidote most sure.
And to proper-minded maidens
Who desire the matron's name
Modesty's a marriage portion,
Modesty their highest praise.
Men of prudence and discretion,
Courtiers gay and gallant knights,
With the wanton damsels dally,
But the modest take to wife.
There are passions, transient, fleeting,
Loves in hostelries declar'd,
Sunrise loves, with sunset ended,
When the guest hath gone his way.
Love that springs up swift and sudden,
Here to-day, to-morrow flown,
Passes, leaves no trace behind it,
Leaves no image on the soul.
Painting that is laid on painting
Maketh no display or show;
Where one beauty's in possession
There no other can take hold.
Dulcinea del Toboso
Painted on my heart I wear;
Never from its tablets, never,
Can her image be eras'd.
The quality of all in lovers
Most esteemed is constancy;
'T is by this that love works wonders,
This exalts them to the skies.
Don Quixote had got so far with his song, to which the duke, the duchess,
Altisidora, and nearly the whole household of the castle were listening,
when all of a sudden from a gallery above that was exactly over his
window they let down a cord with more than a hundred bells attached to
it, and immediately after that discharged a great sack full of cats,
which also had bells of smaller size tied to their tails. Such was the
din of the bells and the squalling of the cats, that though the duke and
duchess were the contrivers of the joke they were startled by it, while
Don Quixote stood paralysed with fear; and as luck would have it, two or
three of the cats made their way in through the grating of his chamber,
and flying from one side to the other, made it seem as if there was a
legion of devils at large in it. They extinguished the candles that were
burning in the room, and rushed about seeking some way of escape; the
cord with the large bells never ceased rising and falling; and most of
the people of the castle, not knowing what was really the matter, were at
their wits' end with astonishment. Don Quixote sprang to his feet, and
drawing his sword, began making passes at the grating, shouting out,
"Avaunt, malignant enchanters! avaunt, ye witchcraft-working rabble! I am
Don Quixote of La Mancha, against whom your evil machinations avail not
nor have any power." And turning upon the cats that were running about
the room, he made several cuts at them. They dashed at the grating and
escaped by it, save one that, finding itself hard pressed by the slashes
of Don Quixote's sword, flew at his face and held on to his nose tooth
and nail, with the pain of which he began to shout his loudest. The duke
and duchess hearing this, and guessing what it was, ran with all haste to
his room, and as the poor gentleman was striving with all his might to
detach the cat from his face, they opened the door with a master-key and
went in with lights and witnessed the unequal combat. The duke ran
forward to part the combatants, but Don Quixote cried out aloud, "Let no
one take him from me; leave me hand to hand with this demon, this wizard,
this enchanter; I will teach him, I myself, who Don Quixote of La Mancha
is." The cat, however, never minding these threats, snarled and held on;
but at last the duke pulled it off and flung it out of the window. Don
Quixote was left with a face as full of holes as a sieve and a nose not
in very good condition, and greatly vexed that they did not let him
finish the battle he had been so stoutly fighting with that villain of an
enchanter. They sent for some oil of John's wort, and Altisidora herself
with her own fair hands bandaged all the wounded parts; and as she did so
she said to him in a low voice. "All these mishaps have befallen thee,
hardhearted knight, for the sin of thy insensibility and obstinacy; and
God grant thy squire Sancho may forget to whip himself, so that that
dearly beloved Dulcinea of thine may never be released from her
enchantment, that thou mayest never come to her bed, at least while I who
adore thee am alive."
To all this Don Quixote made no answer except to heave deep sighs, and
then stretched himself on his bed, thanking the duke and duchess for
their kindness, not because he stood in any fear of that bell-ringing
rabble of enchanters in cat shape, but because he recognised their good
intentions in coming to his rescue. The duke and duchess left him to
repose and withdrew greatly grieved at the unfortunate result of the
joke; as they never thought the adventure would have fallen so heavy on
Don Quixote or cost him so dear, for it cost him five days of confinement
to his bed, during which he had another adventure, pleasanter than the
late one, which his chronicler will not relate just now in order that he
may turn his attention to Sancho Panza, who was proceeding with great
diligence and drollery in his government.
CHAPTER XLVII.
WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE ACCOUNT OF HOW SANCHO PANZA CONDUCTED HIMSELF IN
HIS GOVERNMENT
The history says that from the justice court they carried Sancho to a
sumptuous palace, where in a spacious chamber there was a table laid out
with royal magnificence. The clarions sounded as Sancho entered the room,
and four pages came forward to present him with water for his hands,
which Sancho received with great dignity. The music ceased, and Sancho
seated himself at the head of the table, for there was only that seat
placed, and no more than one cover laid. A personage, who it appeared
afterwards was a physician, placed himself standing by his side with a
whalebone wand in his hand. They then lifted up a fine white cloth
covering fruit and a great variety of dishes of different sorts; one who
looked like a student said grace, and a page put a laced bib on Sancho,
while another who played the part of head carver placed a dish of fruit
before him. But hardly had he tasted a morsel when the man with the wand
touched the plate with it, and they took it away from before him with the
utmost celerity. The carver, however, brought him another dish, and
Sancho proceeded to try it; but before he could get at it, not to say
taste it, already the wand had touched it and a page had carried it off
with the same promptitude as the fruit. Sancho seeing this was puzzled,
and looking from one to another asked if this dinner was to be eaten
after the fashion of a jugglery trick.
To this he with the wand replied, "It is not to be eaten, senor governor,
except as is usual and customary in other islands where there are
governors. I, senor, am a physician, and I am paid a salary in this
island to serve its governors as such, and I have a much greater regard
for their health than for my own, studying day and night and making
myself acquainted with the governor's constitution, in order to be able
to cure him when he falls sick. The chief thing I have to do is to attend
at his dinners and suppers and allow him to eat what appears to me to be
fit for him, and keep from him what I think will do him harm and be
injurious to his stomach; and therefore I ordered that plate of fruit to
be removed as being too moist, and that other dish I ordered to be
removed as being too hot and containing many spices that stimulate
thirst; for he who drinks much kills and consumes the radical moisture
wherein life consists."
"Well then," said Sancho, "that dish of roast partridges there that seems
so savoury will not do me any harm."
To this the physician replied, "Of those my lord the governor shall not
eat so long as I live."
"Why so?" said Sancho.
"Because," replied the doctor, "our master Hippocrates, the polestar and
beacon of medicine, says in one of his aphorisms omnis saturatio mala,
perdicis autem pessima, which means 'all repletion is bad, but that of
partridge is the worst of all."
"In that case," said Sancho, "let senor doctor see among the dishes that
are on the table what will do me most good and least harm, and let me eat
it, without tapping it with his stick; for by the life of the governor,
and so may God suffer me to enjoy it, but I'm dying of hunger; and in
spite of the doctor and all he may say, to deny me food is the way to
take my life instead of prolonging it."
"Your worship is right, senor governor," said the physician; "and
therefore your worship, I consider, should not eat of those stewed
rabbits there, because it is a furry kind of food; if that veal were not
roasted and served with pickles, you might try it; but it is out of the
question."
"That big dish that is smoking farther off," said Sancho, "seems to me to
be an olla podrida, and out of the diversity of things in such ollas, I
can't fail to light upon something tasty and good for me."
"Absit," said the doctor; "far from us be any such base thought! There is
nothing in the world less nourishing than an olla podrida; to canons, or
rectors of colleges, or peasants' weddings with your ollas podridas, but
let us have none of them on the tables of governors, where everything
that is present should be delicate and refined; and the reason is, that
always, everywhere and by everybody, simple medicines are more esteemed
than compound ones, for we cannot go wrong in those that are simple,
while in the compound we may, by merely altering the quantity of the
things composing them. But what I am of opinion the governor should cat
now in order to preserve and fortify his health is a hundred or so of
wafer cakes and a few thin slices of conserve of quinces, which will
settle his stomach and help his digestion."
Sancho on hearing this threw himself back in his chair and surveyed the
doctor steadily, and in a solemn tone asked him what his name was and
where he had studied.
He replied, "My name, senor governor, is Doctor Pedro Recio de Aguero I
am a native of a place called Tirteafuera which lies between Caracuel and
Almodovar del Campo, on the right-hand side, and I have the degree of
doctor from the university of Osuna."
To which Sancho, glowing all over with rage, returned, "Then let Doctor
Pedro Recio de Malaguero, native of Tirteafuera, a place that's on the
right-hand side as we go from Caracuel to Almodovar del Campo, graduate
of Osuna, get out of my presence at once; or I swear by the sun I'll take
a cudgel, and by dint of blows, beginning with him, I'll not leave a
doctor in the whole island; at least of those I know to be ignorant; for
as to learned, wise, sensible physicians, them I will reverence and
honour as divine persons. Once more I say let Pedro Recio get out of this
or I'll take this chair I am sitting on and break it over his head. And
if they call me to account for it, I'll clear myself by saying I served
God in killing a bad doctor--a general executioner. And now give me
something to eat, or else take your government; for a trade that does not
feed its master is not worth two beans."
The doctor was dismayed when he saw the governor in such a passion, and
he would have made a Tirteafuera out of the room but that the same
instant a post-horn sounded in the street; and the carver putting his
head out of the window turned round and said, "It's a courier from my
lord the duke, no doubt with some despatch of importance."
The courier came in all sweating and flurried, and taking a paper from
his bosom, placed it in the governor's hands. Sancho handed it to the
majordomo and bade him read the superscription, which ran thus: To Don
Sancho Panza, Governor of the Island of Barataria, into his own hands or
those of his secretary. Sancho when he heard this said, "Which of you is
my secretary?" "I am, senor," said one of those present, "for I can read
and write, and am a Biscayan." "With that addition," said Sancho, "you
might be secretary to the emperor himself; open this paper and see what
it says." The new-born secretary obeyed, and having read the contents
said the matter was one to be discussed in private. Sancho ordered the
chamber to be cleared, the majordomo and the carver only remaining; so
the doctor and the others withdrew, and then the secretary read the
letter, which was as follows: