The Book of Household Management - Mrs. Isabella Beeton
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The advice of Polonius to his son Laertes, in Shakspeare's
tragedy of "Hamlet," is most excellent; and although given to
one of the male sex, will equally apply to a "fayre ladye:"--
"Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man."
14. CHARITY AND BENEVOLENCE ARE DUTIES which a mistress owes to herself
as well as to her fellow-creatures; and there is scarcely any income so
small, but something may be spared from it, even if it be but "the
widow's mite." It is to be always remembered, however, that it is the
_spirit_ of charity which imparts to the gift a value far beyond its
actual amount, and is by far its better part.
True Charity, a plant divinely nursed,
Fed by the love from which it rose at first,
Thrives against hope, and, in the rudest scene,
Storms but enliven its unfading green;
Exub'rant is the shadow it supplies,
Its fruit on earth, its growth above the skies.
Visiting the houses of the poor is the only practical way really
to understand the actual state of each family; and although
there may be difficulties in following out this plan in the
metropolis and other large cities, yet in country towns and
rural districts these objections do not obtain. Great advantages
may result from visits paid to the poor; for there being,
unfortunately, much ignorance, generally, amongst them with
respect to all household knowledge, there will be opportunities
for advising and instructing them, in a pleasant and unobtrusive
manner, in cleanliness, industry, cookery, and good management.
15. IN MARKETING, THAT THE BEST ARTICLES ARE THE CHEAPEST, may be laid
down as a rule; and it is desirable, unless an experienced and
confidential housekeeper be kept, that the mistress should herself
purchase all provisions and stores needed for the house. If the mistress
be a young wife, and not accustomed to order "things for the house," a
little practice and experience will soon teach her who are the best
tradespeople to deal with, and what are the best provisions to buy.
Under each particular head of FISH, MEAT, POULTRY, GAME, &c., will be
described the proper means of ascertaining the quality of these
comestibles.
16. A HOUSEKEEPING ACCOUNT-BOOK should invariably be kept, and kept
punctually and precisely. The plan for keeping household accounts, which
we should recommend, would be to make an entry, that is, write down into
a daily diary every amount paid on that particular day, be it ever so
small; then, at the end of the month, let these various payments be
ranged under their specific heads of Butcher, Baker, &c.; and thus will
be seen the proportions paid to each tradesman, and any one month's
expenses may be contrasted with another. The housekeeping accounts
should be balanced not less than once a month; so that you may see that
the money you have in hand tallies with your account of it in your
diary. Judge Haliburton never wrote truer words than when he said, "No
man is rich whose expenditure exceeds his means, and no one is poor
whose incomings exceed his outgoings."
When, in a large establishment, a housekeeper is kept, it will
be advisable for the mistress to examine her accounts regularly.
Then any increase of expenditure which may be apparent, can
easily be explained, and the housekeeper will have the
satisfaction of knowing whether her efforts to manage her
department well and economically, have been successful.
17. ENGAGING DOMESTICS is one of those duties in which the judgment of
the mistress must be keenly exercised. There are some respectable
registry-offices, where good servants may sometimes be hired; but the
plan rather to be recommended is, for the mistress to make inquiry
amongst her circle of friends and acquaintances, and her tradespeople.
The latter generally know those in their neighbourhood, who are wanting
situations, and will communicate with them, when a personal interview
with some of them will enable the mistress to form some idea of the
characters of the applicants, and to suit herself accordingly.
We would here point out an error--and a grave one it is--into
which some mistresses fall. They do not, when engaging a
servant, expressly tell her all the duties which she will be
expected to perform. This is an act of omission severely to be
reprehended. Every portion of work which the maid will have to
do, should be plainly stated by the mistress, and understood by
the servant. If this plan is not carefully adhered to, domestic
contention is almost certain to ensue, and this may not be
easily settled; so that a change of servants, which is so much
to be deprecated, is continually occurring.
18. IN OBTAINING A SERVANT'S CHARACTER, it is not well to be guided by a
written one from some unknown quarter; but it is better to have an
interview, if at all possible, with the former mistress. By this means
you will be assisted in your decision of the suitableness of the servant
for your place, from the appearance of the lady and the state of her
house. Negligence and want of cleanliness in her and her household
generally, will naturally lead you to the conclusion, that her servant
has suffered from the influence of the bad example.
The proper course to pursue in order to obtain a personal
interview with the lady is this:--The servant in search of the
situation must be desired to see her former mistress, and ask
her to be kind enough to appoint a time, convenient to herself,
when you may call on her; this proper observance of courtesy
being necessary to prevent any unseasonable intrusion on the
part of a stranger. Your first questions should be relative to
the honesty and general morality of her former servant; and if
no objection is stated in that respect, her other qualifications
are then to be ascertained. Inquiries should be very minute, so
that you may avoid disappointment and trouble, by knowing the
weak points of your domestic.
19. THE TREATMENT OF SERVANTS is of the highest possible moment, as well
to the mistress as to the domestics themselves. On the head of the house
the latter will naturally fix their attention; and if they perceive that
the mistress's conduct is regulated by high and correct principles, they
will not fail to respect her. If, also, a benevolent desire is shown to
promote their comfort, at the same time that a steady performance of
their duty is exacted, then their respect will not be unmingled with
affection, and they will be still more solicitous to continue to deserve
her favour.
20. IN GIVING A CHARACTER, it is scarcely necessary to say that the
mistress should be guided by a sense of strict justice. It is not fair
for one lady to recommend to another, a servant she would not keep
herself. The benefit, too, to the servant herself is of small advantage;
for the failings which she possesses will increase if suffered to be
indulged with impunity. It is hardly necessary to remark, on the other
hand, that no angry feelings on the part of a mistress towards her late
servant, should ever be allowed, in the slightest degree, to influence
her, so far as to induce her to disparage her maid's character.
21. THE FOLLOWING TABLE OF THE AVERAGE YEARLY WAGES paid to domestics,
with the various members of the household placed in the order in which
they are usually ranked, will serve as a guide to regulate the
expenditure of an establishment:--
When not found in When found in
Livery. Livery.
The House Steward From L10 to L80 --
The Valet " 25 to 50 From L20 to L30
The Butler " 25 to 50 --
The Cook " 20 to 40 --
The Gardener " 20 to 40 --
The Footman " 20 to 40 " 15 to 25
The Under Butler " 15 to 30 " 15 to 25
The Coachman -- " 20 to 35
The Groom " 15 to 30 " 12 to 20
The Under Footman -- " 12 to 20
The Page or Footboy " 8 to 18 " 6 to 14
The Stableboy " 6 to 12 --
When no extra When an extra
allowance is made for allowance is made for
Tea, Sugar, and Beer. Tea, Sugar, and Beer.
The Housekeeper From L20 to L15 From L18 to L40
The Lady's-maid " 12 to 25 " 10 to 20
The Head Nurse " 15 to 30 " 13 to 26
The Cook " 11 to 30 " 12 to 26
The Upper Housemaid " 12 to 20 " 10 to 17
The Upper Laundry-maid " 12 to 18 " 10 to 15
The Maid-of-all-work " 9 to 14 " 7-1/2 to 11
The Under Housemaid " 8 to 12 " 6-1/2 to 10
The Still-room Maid " 9 to 14 " 8 to 13
The Nursemaid " 8 to 12 " 5 to 10
The Under Laundry-maid " 9 to 11 " 8 to 12
The Kitchen-maid " 9 to 14 " 8 to 12
The Scullery-maid " 5 to 9 " 4 to 8
These quotations of wages are those usually given in or near the
metropolis; but, of course, there are many circumstances
connected with locality, and also having reference to the long
service on the one hand, or the inexperience on the other, of
domestics, which may render the wages still higher or lower than
those named above. All the domestics mentioned in the above
table would enter into the establishment of a wealthy nobleman.
The number of servants, of course, would become smaller in
proportion to the lesser size of the establishment; and we may
here enumerate a scale of servants suited to various incomes,
commencing with--
About L1,000 a year--A cook, upper housemaid, nursemaid, under
housemaid,
and a man servant.
About L750 a year--A cook, housemaid, nursemaid, and footboy.
About L500 a year--A cook, housemaid, and nursemaid.
About L300 a year--A maid-of-all-work and nursemaid.
About L200 or L150 a year--A maid-of-all-work (and girl occasionally).
22. HAVING THUS INDICATED some of the more general duties of the
mistress, relative to the moral government of her household, we will now
give a few specific instructions on matters having a more practical
relation to the position which she is supposed to occupy in the eye of
the world. To do this the more clearly, we will begin with her earliest
duties, and take her completely through the occupations of a day.
23. HAVING RISEN EARLY, as we have already advised (_see_ 3), and having
given due attention to the bath, and made a careful toilet, it will be
well at once to see that the children have received their proper
ablutions, and are in every way clean and comfortable. The first meal of
the day, breakfast, will then be served, at which all the family should
be punctually present, unless illness, or other circumstances, prevent.
24. AFTER BREAKFAST IS OVER, it will be well for the mistress to make a
round of the kitchen and other offices, to see that all are in order,
and that the morning's work has been properly performed by the various
domestics. The orders for the day should then be given, and any
questions which the domestics desire to ask, respecting their several
departments, should be answered, and any special articles they may
require, handed to them from the store-closet.
In those establishments where there is a housekeeper, it will
not be so necessary for the mistress, personally, to perform the
above-named duties.
25. AFTER THIS GENERAL SUPERINTENDENCE of her servants, the mistress, if
a mother of a young family, may devote herself to the instruction of
some of its younger members, or to the examination of the state of their
wardrobe, leaving the later portion of the morning for reading, or for
some amusing recreation. "Recreation," says Bishop Hall, "is intended to
the mind as whetting is to the scythe, to sharpen the edge of it, which
would otherwise grow dull and blunt. He, therefore, that spends his
whole time in recreation is ever whetting, never mowing; his grass may
grow and his steed starve; as, contrarily, he that always toils and
never recreates, is ever mowing, never whetting, labouring much to
little purpose. As good no scythe as no edge. Then only doth the work go
forward, when the scythe is so seasonably and moderately whetted that it
may cut, and so cut, that it may have the help of sharpening."
Unless the means of the mistress be very circumscribed, and she
be obliged to devote a great deal of her time to the making of
her children's clothes, and other economical pursuits, it is
right that she should give some time to the pleasures of
literature, the innocent delights of the garden, and to the
improvement of any special abilities for music, painting, and
other elegant arts, which she may, happily, possess.
26. THESE DUTIES AND PLEASURES BEING PERFORMED AND ENJOYED, the hour of
luncheon will have arrived. This is a very necessary meal between an
early breakfast and a late dinner, as a healthy person, with good
exercise, should have a fresh supply of food once in four hours. It
should be a light meal; but its solidity must, of course, be, in some
degree, proportionate to the time it is intended to enable you to wait
for your dinner, and the amount of exercise you take in the mean time.
At this time, also, the servants' dinner will be served.
In those establishments where an early dinner is served, that
will, of course, take the place of the luncheon. In many houses,
where a nursery dinner is provided for the children and about
one o'clock, the mistress and the elder portion of the family
make their luncheon at the same time from the same joint, or
whatever may be provided. A mistress will arrange, according to
circumstances, the serving of the meal; but the more usual plan
is for the lady of the house to have the joint brought to her
table, and afterwards carried to the nursery.
27. AFTER LUNCHEON, MORNING CALLS AND VISITS may be made and received.
These may be divided under three heads: those of ceremony, friendship,
and congratulation or condolence. Visits of ceremony, or courtesy, which
occasionally merge into those of friendship, are to be paid under
various circumstances. Thus, they are uniformly required after dining at
a friend's house, or after a ball, picnic, or any other party. These
visits should be short, a stay of from fifteen to twenty minutes being
quite sufficient. A lady paying a visit may remove her boa or
neckerchief; but neither her shawl nor bonnet.
When other visitors are announced, it is well to retire as soon
as possible, taking care to let it appear that their arrival is
not the cause. When they are quietly seated, and the bustle of
their entrance is over, rise from your chair, taking a kind
leave of the hostess, and bowing politely to the guests. Should
you call at an inconvenient time, not having ascertained the
luncheon hour, or from any other inadvertence, retire as soon as
possible, without, however, showing that you feel yourself an
intruder. It is not difficult for any well-bred or even
good-tempered person, to know what to say on such an occasion,
and, on politely withdrawing, a promise can be made to call
again, if the lady you have called on, appear really
disappointed.
28. IN PAYING VISITS OF FRIENDSHIP, it will not be so necessary to be
guided by etiquette as in paying visits of ceremony; and if a lady be
pressed by her friend to remove her shawl and bonnet, it can be done if
it will not interfere with her subsequent arrangements. It is, however,
requisite to call at suitable times, and to avoid staying too long, if
your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society should ever be
maintained, even in the domestic circle, and amongst the nearest
friends. During these visits, the manners should be easy and cheerful,
and the subjects of conversation such as may be readily terminated.
Serious discussions or arguments are to be altogether avoided, and there
is much danger and impropriety in expressing opinions of those persons
and characters with whom, perhaps, there is but a slight acquaintance.
(_See_ 6, 7, and 9.)
It is not advisable, at any time, to take favourite dogs into
another lady's drawing-room, for many persons have an absolute
dislike to such animals; and besides this, there is always a
chance of a breakage of some article occurring, through their
leaping and bounding here and there, sometimes very much to the
fear and annoyance of the hostess. Her children, also, unless
they are particularly well-trained and orderly, and she is on
exceedingly friendly terms with the hostess, should not
accompany a lady in making morning calls. Where a lady, however,
pays her visits in a carriage, the children can be taken in the
vehicle, and remain in it until the visit is over.
29. FOR MORNING CALLS, it is well to be neatly attired; for a costume
very different to that you generally wear, or anything approaching an
evening dress, will be very much out of place. As a general rule, it may
be said, both in reference to this and all other occasions, it is better
to be under-dressed than over-dressed.
A strict account should be kept of ceremonial visits, and notice
how soon your visits have been returned. An opinion may thus be
formed as to whether your frequent visits are, or are not,
desirable. There are, naturally, instances when the
circumstances of old age or ill health will preclude any return
of a call; but when this is the case, it must not interrupt the
discharge of the duty.
30. IN PAYING VISITS OF CONDOLENCE, it is to be remembered that they
should be paid within a week after the event which occasions them. If
the acquaintance, however, is but slight, then immediately after the
family has appeared at public worship. A lady should send in her card,
and if her friends be able to receive her, the visitor's manner and
conversation should be subdued and in harmony with the character of her
visit. Courtesy would dictate that a mourning card should be used, and
that visitors, in paying condoling visits, should be dressed in black,
either silk or plain-coloured apparel. Sympathy with the affliction of
the family, is thus expressed, and these attentions are, in such cases,
pleasing and soothing.
In all these visits, if your acquaintance or friend be not at
home, a card should be left. If in a carriage, the servant will
answer your inquiry and receive your card; if paying your visits
on foot, give your card to the servant in the hall, but leave to
go in and rest should on no account be asked. The form of words,
"Not at home," may be understood in different senses; but the
only courteous way is to receive them as being perfectly true.
You may imagine that the lady of the house is really at home,
and that she would make an exception in your favour, or you may
think that your acquaintance is not desired; but, in either
case, not the slightest word is to escape you, which would
suggest, on your part, such an impression.
31. IN RECEIVING MORNING CALLS, the foregoing description of the
etiquette to be observed in paying them, will be of considerable
service. It is to be added, however, that the occupations of drawing,
music, or reading should be suspended on the entrance of morning
visitors. If a lady, however, be engaged with light needlework, and none
other is appropriate in the drawing-room, it may not be, under some
circumstances, inconsistent with good breeding to quietly continue it
during conversation, particularly if the visit be protracted, or the
visitors be gentlemen.
Formerly the custom was to accompany all visitors quitting the
house to the door, and there take leave of them; but modern
society, which has thrown off a great deal of this kind of
ceremony, now merely requires that the lady of the house should
rise from her seat, shake hands, or courtesy, in accordance with
the intimacy she has with her guests, and ring the bell to
summon the servant to attend them and open the door. In making a
first call, either upon a newly-married couple, or persons newly
arrived in the neighbourhood, a lady should leave her husband's
card together with her own, at the same time, stating that the
profession or business in which he is engaged has prevented him
from having the pleasure of paying the visit, with her. It is a
custom with many ladies, when on the eve of an absence from
their neighbourhood, to leave or send their own and husband's
cards, with the letters P. P. C. in the right-hand corner. These
letters are the initials of the French words, "_Pour prendre
conge_," meaning, "To take leave."
32. THE MORNING CALLS BEING PAID OR RECEIVED, and their etiquette
properly attended to, the next great event of the day in most
establishments is "The Dinner;" and we only propose here to make a few
general remarks on this important topic, as, in future pages, the whole
"Art of Dining" will be thoroughly considered, with reference to its
economy, comfort, and enjoyment.
33. IN GIVING OR ACCEPTING AN INVITATION FOR DINNER, the following is
the form of words generally made use of. They, however, can be varied in
proportion to the intimacy or position of the hosts and guests:--
Mr. and Mrs. A---- present their compliments to Mr. and Mrs. B----,
and request the honour, [or hope to have the pleasure] of their
company
to dinner on Wednesday, the 6th of December next.
A---- STREET,
_November 13th, 1859. R. S. V. P._
The letters in the corner imply "_Repondez, s'il vous plait;_" meaning,
"an answer will oblige." The reply, accepting the invitation, is couched
in the following terms:--
Mr. and Mrs. B---- present their compliments to Mr. and Mrs. A---, and
will do themselves the honour of, [or will have much pleasure in]
accepting their kind invitation to dinner on the 6th of December next.
B---- SQUARE,
_November 18th, 1859._
Cards, or invitations for a dinner-party, should be issued a
fortnight or three weeks (sometimes even a month) beforehand,
and care should be taken by the hostess, in the selection of the
invited guests, that they should be suited to each other. Much
also of the pleasure of a dinner-party will depend on the
arrangement of the guests at table, so as to form a due
admixture of talkers and listeners, the grave and the gay. If an
invitation to dinner is accepted, the guests should be punctual,
and the mistress ready in her drawing-room to receive them. At
some periods it has been considered fashionable to come late to
dinner, but lately _nous avons change tout cela_.
34. THE HALF-HOUR BEFORE DINNER has always been considered as the great
ordeal through which the mistress, in giving a dinner-party, will either
pass with flying colours, or, lose many of her laurels. The anxiety to
receive her guests,--her hope that all will be present in due time,--her
trust in the skill of her cook, and the attention of the other
domestics, all tend to make these few minutes a trying time. The
mistress, however, must display no kind of agitation, but show her tact
in suggesting light and cheerful subjects of conversation, which will be
much aided by the introduction of any particular new book, curiosity of
art, or article of vertu, which may pleasantly engage the attention of
the company. "Waiting for Dinner," however, is a trying time, and there
are few who have not felt--
"How sad it is to sit and pine,
The long _half-hour_ before we dine!
Upon our watches oft to look,
Then wonder at the clock and cook,
* * * * *
"And strive to laugh in spite of Fate!
But laughter forced soon quits the room,
And leaves it in its former gloom.
But lo! the dinner now appears,
The object of our hopes and fears,
The end of all our pain!"
In giving an entertainment of this kind, the mistress should
remember that it is her duty to make her guests feel happy,
comfortable, and quite at their ease; and the guests should also
consider that they have come to the house of their hostess to be
happy. Thus an opportunity is given to all for innocent
enjoyment and intellectual improvement, when also acquaintances
may be formed that may prove invaluable through life, and
information gained that will enlarge the mind. Many celebrated
men and women have been great talkers; and, amongst others, the
genial Sir Walter Scott, who spoke freely to every one, and a
favourite remark of whom it was, that he never did so without
learning something he didn't know before.
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