The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom, Complete - Tobias Smollett
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In this emergency I have been so far fortunate as to become acquainted
with you, whom I look upon as a man of honour and humanity. Indeed, I
was at first sight prepossessed in your favour, for, notwithstanding the
mistakes which men daily commit in judging from appearances, there is
something in the physiognomy of a stranger from which one cannot help
forming an opinion of his character and disposition. For once, my
penetration hath not failed me; your behaviour justifies my decision; you
have treated me with that sympathy and respect which none but the
generous will pay to the unfortunate. I have trusted you accordingly. I
have put my life, my honour, in your power; and I must beg leave to
depend upon your friendship, for obtaining that satisfaction for which
alone I seek to live. Your employment engages you in the gay world; you
daily mingle with the societies of men; the domestics of the Spanish
ambassador will not shun your acquaintance; you may frequent the
coffee-houses to which they resort; and, in the course of these
occasions, unsuspected inform yourself of that mysterious charge which
lies heavy on the fame of the unfortunate Don Diego. I must likewise
implore your assistance in converting my jewels into money, that I may
breathe independent of man, until Heaven shall permit me to finish this
weary pilgrimage of life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
A FLAGRANT INSTANCE OF FATHOM'S VIRTUE, IN THE MANNER OF HIS RETREAT TO
ENGLAND.
Fathom, who had lent an attentive ear to every circumstance of this
disastrous story, no sooner heard it concluded, than, with an aspect of
generous and cordial compassion, not even unattended with tears, he
condoled the lamentable fate of Don Diego de Zelos, deplored the untimely
death of the gentle Antonia and the fair Serafina, and undertook the
interest of the wretched Castilian with such warmth of sympathising zeal,
as drew a flood from his eyes, while he wrung his benefactor's hand in a
transport of gratitude. Those were literally tears of joy, or at least
of satisfaction, on both sides; as our hero wept with affection and
attachment to the jewels that were to be committed to his care; but, far
from discovering the true source of his tenderness, he affected to
dissuade the Spaniard from parting with the diamonds, which he counselled
him to reserve for a more pressing occasion; and, in the meantime,
earnestly entreated him to depend upon his friendship for present relief.
This generous proffer served only to confirm Don Diego's resolution,
which he forthwith executed, by putting into the hands of Ferdinand
jewels to the value of a thousand crowns, and desiring him to detain for
his own use any part of the sum they would raise. Our adventurer thanked
him for the good opinion he entertained of his integrity, an opinion
fully manifested in honouring him with such important confidence, and
assured him he would transact his affairs with the utmost diligence,
caution, and despatch. The evening being by this time almost consumed,
these new allies retired separately to rest; though each passed the night
without repose, in very different reflections, the Castilian being, as
usual, agitated with the unceasing pangs of his unalterable misery,
interspersed with gleaming hopes of revenge; and Fathom being kept awake
with revolving plans for turning his fellow-lodger's credulity to his own
advantage. From the nature of the Spaniard's situation, he might have
appropriated the jewels to himself, and remained in Paris without fear of
a prosecution, because the injured party had, by the above narrative,
left his life and liberty at discretion.--But he did not think himself
secure from the personal resentment of an enraged desperate Castilian;
and therefore determined to withdraw himself privately into that country
where he had all along proposed to fix the standard of his finesse, which
fortune had now empowered him to exercise according to his wish.
Bent upon this retreat, he went abroad in the morning, on pretence of
acting in the concerns of his friend Don Diego, and having hired a
post-chaise to be ready at the dawning of next day, returned to his
lodgings, where he cajoled the Spaniard with a feigned report of his
negotiation; then, securing his most valuable effects about his person,
arose with the cock, repaired to the place at which he had appointed to
meet the postillion with the carriage, and set out for England without
further delay, leaving the unhappy Zelos to the horrors of indigence, and
the additional agony of this fresh disappointment. Yet he was not the
only person affected by the abrupt departure of Fathom, which was
hastened by the importunities, threats, and reproaches of his landlord's
daughter, whom he had debauched under promise of marriage, and now left
in the fourth month of her pregnancy.
Notwithstanding the dangerous adventure in which he had been formerly
involved by travelling in the night, he did not think proper to make the
usual halts on this journey, for sleep or refreshment, nor did he once
quit the chaise till his arrival at Boulogne, which he reached in twenty
hours after his departure from Paris. Here he thought he might safely
indulge himself with a comfortable meal; accordingly he bespoke a poulard
for dinner, and while that was preparing, went forth to view the city and
harbour. When he beheld the white cliffs of Albion, his heart throbbed
with all the joy of a beloved son, who, after a tedious and fatiguing
voyage, reviews the chimneys of his father's house. He surveyed the
neighbouring coast of England with fond and longing eyes, like another
Moses, reconnoitring the land of Canaan from the top of Mount Pisgah; and
to such a degree of impatience was he inflamed by the sight, that,
instead of proceeding to Calais, he resolved to take his passage directly
from Boulogne, even if he should hire a vessel for the purpose. With
these sentiments, he inquired if there was any ship bound for England,
and was so fortunate as to find the master of a small bark, who intended
to weigh anchor for Deal that same evening at high water.
Transported with this information, he immediately agreed for his passage,
sold the post-chaise to his landlord for thirty guineas, as a piece of
furniture for which he could have no further use, purchased a
portmanteau, together with some linen and wearing apparel, and, at the
recommendation of his host, took into his service an extra postillion or
helper, who had formerly worn the livery of a travelling marquis. This
new domestic, whose name was Maurice, underwent, with great applause, the
examination of our hero, who perceived in him a fund of sagacity and
presence of mind, by which he was excellently qualified for being the
valet of an adventurer. He was therefore accommodated with a second-hand
suit and another shirt, and at once listed under the banners of Count
Fathom, who spent the whole afternoon in giving him proper instructions
for the regulation of his conduct.
Having settled these preliminaries to his own satisfaction, he and his
baggage were embarked about six o'clock in the month of September, and it
was not without emotion that he found himself benighted upon the great
deep, of which, before the preceding day, he had never enjoyed even the
most distant prospect. However, he was not a man to be afraid, where
there was really no appearance of danger; and the agreeable presages of
future fortune supported his spirits, amidst the disagreeable nausea
which commonly attends landsmen at sea, until he was set ashore upon the
beach at Deal, which he entered in good health about seven o'clock in the
morning.
Like Caesar, however, he found some difficulty in landing, on account of
the swelling surf, that tumbled about with such violence as had almost
overset the cutter that carried him on shore; and, in his eagerness to
jump upon the strand, his foot slipped from the side of the boat, so that
he was thrown forwards in an horizontal direction, and his hands were the
first parts of him that touched English ground. Upon this occasion, he,
in imitation of Scipio's behaviour on the coast of Africa, hailed the
omen, and, grasping a handful of the sand, was heard to exclaim, in the
Italian language: "Ah, ah, Old England, I have thee fast."
As he walked up to the inn, followed by Maurice loaded with his
portmanteau, he congratulated himself upon his happy voyage, and the
peaceable possession of his spoil, and could not help snuffing up the
British air with marks of infinite relish and satisfaction. His first
care was to recompense himself for the want of sleep he had undergone,
and, after he had sufficiently recruited himself with several hours of
uninterrupted repose, he set out in a post-chaise for Canterbury, where
he took a place in the London stage, which he was told would depart next
morning, the coach being already full. On this very first day of his
arrival, he perceived between the English and the people among whom he
had hitherto lived, such essential difference in customs, appearance, and
way of living, as inspired him with high notions of that British freedom,
opulence, and convenience, on which he had often heard his mother
expatiate. On the road, he feasted his eyesight with the verdant hills
covered with flocks of sheep, the fruitful vales parcelled out into
cultivated enclosures; the very cattle seemed to profit by the wealth of
their masters, being large, sturdy, and sleek, and every peasant breathed
the insolence of liberty and independence. In a word, he viewed the
wide-extended plains of Kent with a lover's eye, and, his ambition
becoming romantic, could not help fancying himself another conqueror of
the isle.
He was not, however, long amused by these vain chimeras, which soon
vanished before other reflections of more importance and solidity. His
imagination, it must be owned, was at all times too chaste to admit those
overweening hopes, which often mislead the mind of the projector. He had
studied mankind with incredible diligence, and knew perfectly well how
far he could depend on the passions and foibles of human nature. That he
might now act consistent with his former sagacity, he resolved to pass
himself upon his fellow-travellers for a French gentleman, equally a
stranger to the language and country of England, in order to glean from
their discourse such intelligence as might avail him in his future
operations; and his lacquey was tutored accordingly.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
SOME ACCOUNT OF HIS FELLOW-TRAVELLERS.
Those who had taken places for the coach, understanding the sixth seat
was engaged by a foreigner, determined to profit by his ignorance; and,
with that politeness which is peculiar to this happy island, fixed
themselves in the vehicle, in such a manner, before he had the least
intimation of their design, that he found it barely practicable to
insinuate himself sidelong between a corpulent quaker and a fat Wapping
landlady, in which attitude he stuck fast, like a thin quarto between two
voluminous dictionaries on a bookseller's shelf. And, as if the pain and
inconvenience of such compression was not sufficient matter of chagrin,
the greatest part of the company entertained themselves with laughing at
his ludicrous station.
The jolly dame at his left hand observed, with a loud exclamation of
mirth, that monsieur would be soon better acquainted with a buttock of
English beef; and said, by that time they should arrive at their
dining-place, he might be spitted without larding. "Yes, verily,"
replied Obadiah, who was a wag in his way, "but the swine's fat will be
all on one side."--"So much the better for you," cried mine hostess, "for
that side is all your own." The quaker was not so much disconcerted by
the quickness of this repartee, but that he answered with great
deliberation, "I thank thee for thy love, but will not profit by thy
loss, especially as I like not the savour of these outlandish fowls; they
are profane birds of passage, relished only by the children of vanity,
like thee."
The plump gentlewoman took umbrage at this last expression, which she
considered as a double reproach, and repeated the words, "Children of
vanity!" with an emphasis of resentment. "I believe, if the truth were
known," said she, "there's more vanity than midriff in that great belly
of yours, for all your pretending to humility and religion. Sirrah! my
corporation is made up of good, wholesome, English fat; but you are
puffed up with the wind of vanity and delusion; and when it begins to
gripe your entrails, you pretend to have a motion, and then get up and
preach nonsense. Yet you'll take it upon you to call your betters
children. Marry come up, Mr. Goosecap, I have got children that are as
good men as you, or any hypocritical trembler in England."
A person who sat opposite to the quaker, hearing this remonstrance, which
seemed pregnant with contention, interposed in the conversation with a
conscious leer, and begged there might be no rupture between the spirit
and the flesh. By this remonstrance he relieved Obadiah from the satire
of this female orator, and brought the whole vengeance of her elocution
upon his own head. "Flesh!" cried she, with all the ferocity of an
enraged Thalestris; "none of your names, Mr. Yellowchaps. What! I
warrant you have an antipathy to flesh, because you yourself are nothing
but skin and bone. I suppose you are some poor starved journeyman tailor
come from France, where you have been learning to cabbage, and have not
seen a good meal of victuals these seven years. You have been living
upon rye-bread and soup-maigre, and now you come over like a walking
atomy with a rat's tail at your wig, and a tinsey jacket. And so,
forsooth, you set up for a gentleman, and pretend to find fault with a
sirloin of roast beef."
The gentleman heard this address with admirable patience, and when she
had rung out her alarm, very coolly replied, "Anything but your stinking
fish madam. Since when, I pray, have you travelled in stage-coaches, and
left off your old profession of crying oysters in winter, and rotten
mackerel in June? You was then known by the name of Kate Brawn, and in
good repute among the ale-houses in Thames Street, till that unlucky
amour with the master of a corn-vessel, in which he was unfortunately
detected by his own spouse; but you seem to have risen by that fall; and
I wish you joy of your present plight. Though, considering your
education on Bear Quay, you can give but a sorry account of yourself."
The Amazon, though neither exhausted nor dismayed, was really confounded
at the temper and assurance of this antagonist, who had gathered all
these anecdotes from the fertility of his own invention; after a short
pause, however, she poured forth a torrent of obloquy sufficient to
overwhelm any person who had not been used to take up arms against such
seas of trouble; and a dispute ensued, which would have not only
disgraced the best orators on the Thames, but even have made a figure in
the celebration of the Eleusinian mysteries, during which the Athenian
matrons rallied one another from different waggons, with that freedom of
altercation so happily preserved in this our age and country.
Such a redundancy of epithets, and variety of metaphors, tropes, and
figures were uttered between these well-matched opponents, that an epic
bard would have found his account in listening to the contest; which, in
all probability, would not have been confined to words, had it not been
interrupted for the sake of a young woman of an agreeable countenance and
modest carriage; who, being shocked at some of their flowers of speech,
and terrified by the menacing looks and gestures of the fiery-featured
dame, began to scream aloud, and beg leave to quit the coach. Her
perturbation put an end to the high debate. The sixth passenger, who had
not opened his mouth, endeavoured to comfort her with assurances of
protection; the quaker proposed a cessation of arms; the male disputant
acquiesced in the proposal, assuring the company he had entered the lists
for their entertainment only, without acquiring the least grudge or
ill-will to the fat gentlewoman, whom he protested he had never seen
before that day, and who, for aught he knew, was a person of credit and
reputation. He then held forth his hand in token of amity, and asked
pardon of the offended party, who was appeased by his submission; and, in
testimony of her benevolence, presented to the other female, whom she had
discomposed, an Hungary-water bottle filled with cherry-brandy,
recommending it as a much more powerful remedy than the sal-volatile
which the other held to her nose.
Peace being thus re-established, in a treaty comprehending Obadiah and
all present, it will not be improper to give the reader some further
information, touching the several characters assembled in this vehicle.
The quaker was a London merchant, who had been at Deal superintending the
repairs of a ship which had suffered by a storm in the Downs. The
Wapping landlady was on her return from the same place, where she had
attended the payment of a man-of-war, with sundry powers of attorney,
granted by the sailors, who had lived upon credit at her house. Her
competitor in fame was a dealer in wine, a smuggler of French lace, and a
petty gamester just arrived from Paris, in the company of an English
barber, who sat on his right hand, and the young woman was daughter of a
country curate, in her way to London, where she was bound apprentice to a
milliner.
Hitherto Fathom had sat in silent astonishment at the manners of his
fellow-travellers, which far exceeded the notions he had preconceived of
English plainness and rusticity. He found himself a monument of that
disregard and contempt which a stranger never fails to meet with from the
inhabitants of this island; and saw, with surprise, an agreeable young
creature sit as solitary and unheeded as himself.
He was, indeed, allured by the roses of her complexion, and the innocence
of her aspect, and began to repent of having pretended ignorance of the
language, by which he was restrained from exercising his eloquence upon
her heart; he resolved, however, to ingratiate himself, if possible, by
the courtesy and politeness of dumb show, and for that purpose put his
eyes in motion without farther delay.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ANOTHER PROVIDENTIAL DELIVERANCE FROM THE EFFECTS OF THE SMUGGLER'S
INGENIOUS CONJECTURE.
During these deliberations, the wine merchant, with a view to make a
parade of his superior parts and breeding, as well as to pave the way for
a match at backgammon, made a tender of his snuff-box to our adventurer,
and asked, in bad French, how he travelled from Paris. This question
produced a series of interrogations concerning the place of Ferdinand's
abode in that city, and his business in England, so that he was fain to
practise the science of defence, and answered with such ambiguity, as
aroused the suspicion of the smuggler, who began to believe our hero had
some very cogent reason for evading his curiosity; he immediately set his
reflection at work, and, after various conjectures, fixed upon Fathom's
being the Young Pretender. Big with this supposition, he eyed him with
the most earnest attention, comparing his features with those of the
Chevalier's portrait which he had seen in France, and though the faces
were as unlike as any two human faces could be, found the resemblance so
striking as to dispel all his doubts, and persuade him to introduce the
stranger to some justice on the road; a step by which he would not only
manifest his zeal for the Protestant succession, but also acquire the
splendid reward proposed by parliament to any person who should apprehend
that famous adventurer.
These ideas intoxicated the brain of this man to such a pitch of
enthusiasm, that he actually believed himself in possession of the thirty
thousand pounds, and amused his fancy with a variety of magnificent
projects to be executed by means of that acquisition, until his reverie
was interrupted by the halting of the coach at the inn where the
passengers used to eat their breakfasts. Waked as he was from the dream
of happiness, it had made such impression upon his mind, that, seeing
Fathom rise up with an intention to alight, he took it for granted his
design was to escape, and seizing him by the collar, called aloud for
assistance in the King's name.
Our hero, whose sagacity and presence of mind very often supplied the
place of courage, instead of being terrified at this assault, which might
have disturbed the tranquillity of an ordinary villain, was so perfectly
master of every circumstance of his own situation, as to know at once
that the aggressor could not possibly have the least cause of complaint
against him; and therefore, imputing this violence either to madness or
mistake, very deliberately suffered himself to be made prisoner by the
people of the house, who ran to the coach door in obedience to the
summons of the wine merchant. The rest of the company were struck dumb
with surprise and consternation at this sudden adventure; and the quaker,
dreading some fell resistance on the side of the outlandish man, unpinned
the other coach door in the twinkling of an eye, and trundled himself
into the mud for safety. The others, seeing the temper and resignation
of the prisoner, soon recovered their recollection, and began to inquire
into the cause of his arrest, upon which, the captor, whose teeth
chattered with terror and impatience, gave them to understand that he was
a state criminal, and demanded their help in conveying him to justice.
Luckily for both parties, there happened to be at the inn a company of
squires just returned from the death of a leash of hares, which they had
ordered to be dressed for dinner, and among these gentlemen was one of
the quorum, to whom the accuser had immediate recourse, marching before
the captive, who walked very peaceably between the landlord and one of
his waiters, and followed by a crowd of spectators, some of whom had
secured the faithful Maurice, who in his behaviour closely imitated the
deliberation of his master. In this order did the procession advance to
the apartment in which the magistrate, with his fellows of the chase, sat
smoking his morning pipe over a tankard of strong ale, and the smuggler
being directed to the right person, "May it please your worship," said
he, "I have brought this foreigner before you, on a violent suspicion of
his being a proclaimed outlaw; and I desire, before these witnesses, that
my title may be made good to the reward that shall become due upon his
conviction."
"Friend," replied the justice, "I know nothing of you or your titles; but
this I know, if you have any information to give in, you must come to my
house when I am at home, and proceed in a lawful way, that is, d'ye mind
me, if you swear as how this here person is an outlaw; then if so be as
he has nothing to say to the contrary, my clerk shall make out a
mittimus, and so to jail with him till next 'size." "But, sir," answered
the impeacher, "this is a case that admits of no delay; the person I have
apprehended is a prisoner of consequence to the state." "How, fellor!"
cried the magistrate, interrupting him, "is there any person of more
consequence than one of his Majesty's justices of the peace, who is
besides a considerable member of the landed interest! D'ye know, sirrah,
who you are talking to? If you don't go about your business, I believe I
shall lay you by the heels."
The smuggler, fearing his prize would escape through the ignorance,
pride, and obstinacy of this country justice, approached his worship, and
in a whisper which was overheard by all the company, assured him he had
indubitable reason to believe the foreigner was no other than the
Pretender's eldest son. At mention of this formidable name, every
individual of the audience started, with signs of terror and amazement.
The justice dropped his pipe, recoiled upon his chair, and, looking most
ridiculously aghast, exclaimed, "Seize him, in the name of God and his
Majesty King George! Has he got no secret arms about him!"
Fathom being thus informed of the suspicion under which he stood, could
not help smiling at the eagerness with which the spectators flew upon
him, and suffered himself to be searched with great composure, well
knowing they would find no moveables about his person, but such as upon
examination would turn to his account; he therefore very calmly presented
to the magistrate his purse, and a small box that contained his jewels,
and in the French language desired they might be preserved from the hands
of the mob. This request was interpreted by the accuser, who, at the
same time, laid claim to the booty. The justice took charge of the
deposit, and one of his neighbours having undertaken the office of clerk,
he proceeded to the examination of the culprit, whose papers were by this
time laid on the table before him. "Stranger," said he, "you stand
charged with being son of the Pretender to these realms; what have you to
say in your own defence?" Our hero assured him, in the French language,
that he was falsely impeached, and demanded justice on the accuser, who,
without the least reason, had made such a malicious attack upon the life
and honour of an innocent gentleman.