The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom, Complete - Tobias Smollett
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The smuggler, instead of acting the part of a faithful interpreter, told
his worship, that the prisoner's answer was no more than a simple denial,
which every felon would make who had nothing else to plead in his own
behalf, and that this alone was a strong presumption of his guilt,
because, if he was not really the person they suspected him to be, the
thing would speak for itself, for, if he was not the Young Pretender, who
then was he? This argument had great weight with the justice, who,
assuming a very important aspect, observed, "Very true, friend, if you
are not the Pretender, in the name of God, who are you? One may see with
half an eye that he is no better than a promiscuous fellow."
Ferdinand now began to repent of having pretended ignorance of the
English language, as he found himself at the mercy of a rascal, who put a
false gloss upon all his words, and addressed himself to the audience
successively in French, High Dutch, Italian, and Hungarian Latin,
desiring to know if any person present understood any of these tongues,
that his answers might be honestly explained to the bench. But he might
have accosted them in Chinese with the same success: there was not one
person present tolerably versed in his mother-tongue, much less
acquainted with any foreign language, except the wine merchant, who,
incensed at this appeal, which he considered as an affront to his
integrity, gave the judge to understand, that the delinquent, instead of
speaking to the purpose, contumaciously insulted his authority in sundry
foreign lingos, which he apprehended was an additional proof of his being
the Chevalier's son, inasmuch as no person would take the pains to learn
such a variety of gibberish, except with some sinister intent.
This annotation was not lost upon the squire, who was too jealous of the
honour of his office to overlook such a flagrant instance of contempt.
His eyes glistened, his cheeks were inflated with rage. "The case is
plain," said he; "having nothing of signification to offer in his own
favour, he grows refractory, and abuses the court in his base Roman
Catholic jargon; but I'll let you know, for all you pretend to be a
prince, you are no better than an outlawed vagrant, and I'll show you
what a thing you are when you come in composition with an English
justice, like me, who have more than once extinguished myself in the
service of my country. As nothing else accrues, your purse, black box,
and papers shall be sealed up before witnesses, and sent by express to
one of his Majesty's secretaries of state; and, as for yourself, I will
apply to the military at Canterbury, for a guard to conduct you to
London."
This was a very unwelcome declaration to our adventurer, who was on the
point of haranguing the justice and spectators in their own language,
when he was relieved from the necessity of taking that step by the
interposition of a young nobleman just arrived at the inn, who, being
informed of this strange examination, entered the court, and, at first
sight of the prisoner, assured the justice he was imposed upon; for that
he himself had often seen the Young Pretender in Paris, and that there
was no kind of resemblance between that adventurer and the person now
before him. The accuser was not a little mortified at his lordship's
affirmation, which met with all due regard from the bench, though the
magistrate took notice, that, granting the prisoner was not the Young
Chevalier himself, it was highly probable he was an emissary of that
house, as he could give no satisfactory account of himself, and was
possessed of things of such value as no honest man could expose to the
accidents of the road.
Fathom, having thus found an interpreter, who signified to him, in the
French tongue, the doubts of the justice, told his lordship, that he
was a gentleman of a noble house in Germany, who, for certain reasons,
had come abroad incognito, with a view to see the world; and that,
although the letters they had seized would prove the truth of that
assertion, he should be loth to expose his private concerns to the
knowledge of strangers, if he could possibly be released without that
mortification. The young nobleman explained his desire to the court;
but, his own curiosity being interested, observed, at the same time,
that the justice could not be said to have discharged the duties of his
station, until he should have examined every circumstance relating to the
prisoner. Upon which remonstrance, he was requested by the bench to
peruse the papers, and accordingly communicated the substance of one
letter to this effect:--
"MY DEAR SON,--Though I am far from approving the rash step you have
taken in withdrawing yourself from your father's house, in order to avoid
an engagement which would have been equally honourable and advantageous
to your family, I cannot so far suppress my affection, as to bear the
thought of your undergoing those hardships which, for your disobedience,
you deserve to suffer. I have therefore, without the knowledge of your
father, sent the bearer to attend you in your peregrinations; his
fidelity you know hath been tried in a long course of service, and I have
entrusted to his care, for your use, a purse of two hundred ducats, and a
box of jewels to the value of twice that sum, which, though not
sufficient to support an equipage suitable to your birth, will, at least
for some time, preserve you from the importunities of want. When you are
dutiful enough to explain your designs and situation, you may expect
further indulgence from your tender and disconsolate mother,--
COUNTESS OF FATHOM."
This letter, which, as well as the others, our hero had forged for the
purpose, effectually answered his intent, in throwing dust in the eyes
and understanding of the spectators, who now regarded the prisoner with
looks of respectful remorse, as a man of quality who had been falsely
accused. His lordship, to make a parade of his own politeness and
importance, assured the bench, he was no stranger to the family of the
Fathoms, and, with a compliment, gave Ferdinand to understand he had
formerly seen him at Versailles. There being no longer room for
suspicion, the justice ordered our adventurer to be set at liberty, and
even invited him to be seated, with an apology for the rude manner in
which he had been treated, owing to the misinformation of the accuser,
who was threatened with the stocks, for his malice and presumption.
But this was not the only triumph our hero obtained over the wine
merchant. Maurice was no sooner unfettered, than, advancing into the
middle of the room, "My lord," said he, addressing himself in French to
his master's deliverer, "since you have been so generous as to protect a
noble stranger from the danger of such a false accusation, I hope you
will still lay an additional obligation upon the Count, by retorting the
vengeance of the law upon his perfidious accuser, whom I know to be a
trader in those articles of merchandise which are prohibited by the
ordinances of this nation. I have seen him lately at Boulogne, and am
perfectly well acquainted with some persons who have supplied him with
French lace and embroidery; and, as a proof of what I allege, I desire
you will order him and this barber, who is his understrapper, to be
examined on the spot."
This charge, which was immediately explained to the bench, yielded
extraordinary satisfaction to the spectators, one of whom, being an
officer of the customs, forthwith began to exercise his function upon the
unlucky perruquier, who, being stripped of his upper garments, and even
of his shirt, appeared like the mummy of an Egyptian king, most curiously
rolled up in bandages of rich figured gold shalloon, that covered the
skirts of four embroidered waistcoats. The merchant, seeing his
expectation so unhappily reversed, made an effort to retire with a most
rueful aspect, but was prevented by the officer, who demanded the
interposition of the civil power, that he might undergo the same
examination to which the other had been subjected. He was accordingly
rifled without loss of time, and the inquiry proved well worth the care
of him who made it; for a considerable booty of the same sort of
merchandise was found in his boots, breeches, hat, and between the
buckram and lining of his surtout. Yet, not contented with this prize,
the experienced spoiler proceeded to search his baggage, and, perceiving
a false bottom in his portmanteau, detected beneath it a valuable
accession to the plunder he had already obtained.
CHAPTER THIRTY
THE SINGULAR MANNER OF FATHOM'S ATTACK AND TRIUMPH OVER THE VIRTUE OF THE
FAIR ELENOR.
Proper cognisance being thus taken of these contraband effects, and the
informer furnished with a certificate, by which he was entitled to a
share of the seizure, the coachman summoned his passengers to the
carriage; the purse and jewels were restored to Count Fathom, who thanked
the justice, and his lordship in particular, for the candour and
hospitality with which he had been treated, and resumed his place in the
vehicle, amidst the congratulations of all his fellow-travellers, except
the two forlorn smugglers, who, instead of re-embarking in the coach,
thought proper to remain at the inn, with view to mitigate, if possible,
the severity of their misfortune.
Among those who felicitated Fathom upon the issue of this adventure, the
young maiden seemed to express the most sensible pleasure at that event.
The artful language of his eyes had raised in her breast certain
fluttering emotions, before she knew the value of her conquest; but now
that his rank and condition were discovered, these transports were
increased by the ideas of vanity and ambition, which are mingled with the
first seeds of every female constitution. The belief of having
captivated the heart of a man who could raise her to the rank and dignity
of a countess, produced such agreeable sensations in her fancy, that her
eyes shone with unusual lustre, and a continual smile played in dimples
on her rosy cheeks; so that her attractions, though not powerful enough
to engage the affection, were yet sufficient to inflame the desire of our
adventurer, who very honestly marked her chastity for prey to his
voluptuous passion. Had she been well seasoned with knowledge and
experience, and completely armed with caution against the artifice and
villany of man, her virtue might not have been able to withstand the
engines of such an assailant, considering the dangerous opportunities to
which she was necessarily exposed. How easy then must his victory have
been over an innocent, unsuspecting country damsel, flushed with the
warmth of youth, and an utter stranger to the ways of life!
While Obadiah, therefore, and his plump companion, were engaged in
conversation, on the strange incidents which had passed, Fathom acted a
very expressive pantomime with this fair buxom nymph, who comprehended
his meaning with surprising facility, and was at so little pains to
conceal the pleasure she took in this kind of intercourse, that several
warm squeezes were interchanged between her and her lover, before they
arrived at Rochester, where they proposed to dine. It was during this
period, he learned from the answers she made to the inquisitive quaker,
that her sole dependence was upon a relation, to whom she had a letter,
and that she was a perfect stranger in the great city; circumstances on
which he soon formed the project of her ruin.
Upon their arrival at the Black Bull, he for the first time found himself
alone with his Amanda, whose name was Elenor, their fellow-travellers
being elsewhere employed about their own concerns; and, unwilling to lose
the precious opportunity, he began to act the part of a very importunate
lover, which he conceived to be a proper sequel to the prelude which had
been performed in the coach. The freedoms which she, out of pure
simplicity and good-humour, permitted him to take with her hand, and even
her rosy lips, encouraged him to practise other familiarities upon her
fair bosom, which scandalised her virtue so much, that, in spite of the
passion she had begun to indulge in his behalf, she rejected his advances
with all the marks of anger and disdain; and he found it necessary to
appease the storm he had raised, by the most respectful and submissive
demeanour; resolving to change his operations, and carry on his attacks,
so as to make her yield at discretion, without alarming her religion or
pride. Accordingly, when the bill was called after dinner, he took
particular notice of her behaviour, and, perceiving her pull out a large
leathern purse that contained her money, reconnoitred the pocket in which
it was deposited, and, while they sat close to each other in the
carriage, conveyed it with admirable dexterity into an hole in the
cushion. Whether the corpulent couple, who sat opposite to these lovers,
had entered into an amorous engagement at the inn, or were severally
induced by other motives, is uncertain; but sure it is, both left the
coach on that part of the road which lies nearest to Gravesend, and bade
adieu to the other pair, on pretence of having urgent business at that
place.
Ferdinand, not a little pleased at their departure, renewed his most
pathetic expressions of love, and sung several French songs on that
tender subject, which seemed to thrill to the soul of his beauteous
Helen. While the driver halted at Dartford to water his horses, she was
smit with the appearance of some cheesecakes, which were presented by the
landlady of the house, and having bargained for two or three, put her
hand in her pocket, in order to pay for her purchase; but what was her
astonishment, when, after having rummaged her equipage, she understood
her whole fortune was lost! This mishap was, by a loud shriek, announced
to our hero, who affected infinite amazement and concern; and no sooner
learned the cause of her affliction, than he presented her with his own
purse, from which he, in emphatic dumb show, begged she would indemnify
herself for the damage she had sustained. Although this kind proffer was
some alleviation of her misfortunes, she did not fail to pour forth a
most piteous lamentation, importing that she had not only lost all her
money, amounting to five pounds, but also her letter of recommendation,
upon which she had altogether relied for present employment.
The vehicle was minutely searched from top to bottom, by herself and our
adventurer, assisted by Maurice and the coachman, who, finding their
inquiry ineffectual, did not scruple to declare his suspicion of the two
fat turtles who had deserted the coach in such an abrupt manner. In a
word, he rendered this conjecture so plausible, by wresting the
circumstances of their behaviour and retreat, that poor Elenor implicitly
believed they were the thieves by whom she had suffered; and was
prevailed upon to accept the proffered assistance of the generous Count,
who, seeing her very much disordered by this mischance, insisted upon her
drinking a large glass of canary, to quiet the perturbation of her
spirits. This is a season, which of all others is most propitious to the
attempts of an artful lover; and justifies the metaphorical maxim of
fishing in troubled waters. There is an affinity and short transition
betwixt all the violent passions that agitate the human mind. They are
all false perspectives, which, though they magnify, yet perplex and
render indistinct every object which they represent. And flattery is
never so successfully administered, as to those who know they stand in
need of friendship, assent, and approbation.
The cordial she swallowed, far from calming, increased the disturbance of
her thoughts, and produced an intoxication; during which, she talked in
an incoherent strain, laughed and wept by turns, and acted other
extravagances, which are known to be symptoms of the hysterical
affection. Fathom, though an utter stranger to the sentiments of honour,
pity, and remorse, would not perpetrate his vicious purpose, though
favoured by the delirium his villany had entailed upon this unfortunate
young maiden; because his appetite demanded a more perfect sacrifice than
that which she could yield in her present deplorable situation, when her
will must have been altogether unconcerned in his success. Determined,
therefore, to make a conquest of her virtue, before he would take
possession of her person, he mimicked that compassion and benevolence
which his heart had never felt, and, when the coach arrived at London,
not only discharged what she owed for her place, but likewise procured
for her an apartment in the house to which he himself had been directed
for lodgings, and even hired a nurse to attend her during a severe fever,
which was the consequence of her disappointment and despondence. Indeed,
she was supplied with all necessaries by the generosity of this noble
Count, who, for the interest of his passion, and the honour of his name,
was resolved to extend his charity to the last farthing of her own money,
which he had been wise enough to secure for this purpose.
Her youth soon got the better of her distemper, and when she understood
her obligations to the Count, who did not fail to attend her in person
with great tenderness, her heart, which had been before prepossessed in
his favour, now glowed with all the warmth of gratitude, esteem, and
affection. She knew herself in a strange place, destitute of all
resource but in his generosity. She loved his person, she was dazzled by
his rank; and he knew so well how to improve the opportunities and
advantages he derived from her unhappy situation, that he gradually
proceeded in sapping from one degree of intimacy to another, until all
the bulwarks of her chastity were undermined, and she submitted to his
desire; not with the reluctance of a vanquished people, but with all the
transports of a joyful city, that opens its gates to receive a darling
prince returned from conquest. For by this time he had artfully
concentred and kindled up all the inflammable ingredients of her
constitution; and she now looked back upon the virtuous principles of her
education, as upon a disagreeable and tedious dream, from which she had
waked to the fruition of never-fading joy.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
HE BY ACCIDENT ENCOUNTERS HIS OLD FRIEND, WITH WHOM HE HOLDS A
CONFERENCE, AND RENEWS A TREATY.
Our hero, having thus provided himself with a proper subject for his
hours of dalliance, thought it was now high time to study the ground
which he had pitched upon for the scene of his exploits, and with that
view made several excursions to different parts of the town, where there
was aught of entertainment or instruction to be found. Yet he always, on
these occasions, appeared in an obscure ordinary dress, in order to avoid
singularity, and never went twice to the same coffee-house, that his
person might not be afterwards known, in case he should shine forth to
the public in a superior sphere. On his return from one of those
expeditions, while he was passing through Ludgate, his eyes were suddenly
encountered by the apparition of his old friend the Tyrolese, who,
perceiving himself fairly caught in the toil, made a virtue of necessity,
and, running up to our adventurer with an aspect of eagerness and joy,
clasped him in his arms, as some dear friend, whom he had casually found
after a most tedious and disagreeable separation.
Fathom, whose genius never failed him in such emergencies, far from
receiving these advances with the threats and reproaches which the other
had deserved at his hands, returned the salute with equal warmth, and was
really overjoyed at meeting with a person who might one way or other make
amends for the perfidy of his former conduct. The Tyrolese, whose name
was Ratchcali, pleased with his reception, proposed they should adjourn
to the next tavern, in which they had no sooner taken possession of an
apartment, than he addressed himself to his old companion in these
words:--
"Mr. Fathom, by your frank and obliging manner of treating a man who hath
done you wrong, I am more and more confirmed in my opinion of your
sagacity, which I have often considered with admiration; I will not
therefore attempt to make an apology for my conduct at our last parting;
but only assure you that this meeting may turn out to our mutual
advantage, if we now re-enter into an unreserved union, the ties of which
we will soon find it our interest and inclination to preserve. For my
own part, as my judgment is ripened by experience, so are my sentiments
changed since our last association. I have seen many a rich harvest
lost, for want of a fellow-labourer in the vineyard; and I have more than
once fallen a sacrifice to a combination, which I could have resisted
with the help of one able auxiliary. Indeed, I might prove what I allege
by mathematical demonstration; and I believe nobody will pretend to deny,
that two heads are better than one, in all cases that require discernment
and deliberation."
Ferdinand could not help owning the sanity of his observations, and
forthwith acquiesced in his proposal of the new alliance; desiring to
know the character in which he acted on the English stage, and the scheme
he would offer for their mutual emolument. At the same time he resolved
within himself to keep such a strict eye over his future actions, as
would frustrate any design he might hereafter harbour, of repeating the
prank he had so successfully played upon him, in their journey from the
banks of the Rhine.
"Having quitted you at Bar-le-duc," resumed the Tyrolese, "I travelled
without ceasing, until I arrived at Frankfort upon the Maine, where I
assumed the character of a French chevalier, and struck some masterly
strokes, which you yourself would not have deemed unworthy of your
invention; and my success was the more agreeable, as my operations were
chiefly carried on against the enemies of our religion. But my
prosperity was not of long duration. Seeing they could not foil me at my
own weapons, they formed a damned conspiracy, by which I not only lost
all the fruits of my industry, but likewise ran the most imminent hazard
of my life. I had ordered some of those jewels which I had borrowed of
my good friend Fathom to be new set in a fashionable taste, and soon
after had an opportunity to sell one of these, at a great advantage, to
one of the fraternity, who offered an extraordinary price for the stone,
on purpose to effect my ruin. In less than four-and-twenty hours after
this bargain, I was arrested by the officers of justice upon the oath of
the purchaser, who undertook to prove me guilty of a fraud, in selling a
Saxon pebble for a real diamond; and this accusation was actually true;
for the change had been artfully put upon me by the jeweller, who was
himself engaged in the conspiracy.
"Had my conscience been clear of any other impeachment, perhaps I should
have rested my cause upon the equity and protection of the law; but I
foresaw that the trial would introduce an inquiry, to which I was not at
all ambitious of submitting, and therefore was fain to compromise the
affair, at the price of almost my whole fortune. Yet this accommodation
was not made so secretly, but that my character was blasted, and my
credit overthrown; so that I was fain to relinquish my occasional
equipage, and hire myself as journeyman to a lapidary, an employment
which I had exercised in my youth. In this obscure station, I laboured
with great assiduity, until I made myself perfect in the knowledge of
stones, as well as in the different methods of setting them off to the
best advantage; and having, by dint of industry and address, got
possession of a small parcel, set out for this kingdom, in which I
happily arrived about four months ago; and surely England is the paradise
of artists of our profession.
"One would imagine that nature had created the inhabitants for the
support and enjoyment of adventurers like you and me. Not that these
islanders open the arms of hospitality to all foreigners without
distinction. On the contrary, they inherit from their fathers an
unreasonable prejudice against all nations under the sun; and when an
Englishman happens to quarrel with a stranger, the first term of reproach
he uses is the name of his antagonist's country, characterised by some
opprobrious epithet, such as a chattering Frenchman, an Italian ape, a
German hog, and a beastly Dutchman; nay, their national prepossession is
maintained even against those people with whom they are united under the
same laws and government; for nothing is more common than to hear them
exclaim against their fellow-subjects, in the expressions of a beggarly
Scot, and an impudent Irish bog-trotter. Yet this very prejudice will
never fail to turn to the account of every stranger possessed of ordinary
talents; for he will always find opportunities of conversing with them in
coffee-houses and places of public resort, in spite of their professed
reserve, which, by the bye, is so extraordinary, that I know some people
who have lived twenty years in the same house without exchanging one word
with their next-door neighbours; yet, provided he can talk sensibly, and
preserve the deportment of a sober gentleman, in those occasional
conversations, his behaviour will be the more remarkably pleasing, as it
will agreeably disappoint the expectation of the person who had
entertained notions to his prejudice. When a foreigner has once crossed
this bar, which perpetually occurs, he sails without further difficulty
into the harbour of an Englishman's goodwill; for the pique is neither
personal nor rancorous, but rather contemptuous and national; so that,
while he despises a people in the lump, an individual of that very
community may be one of his chief favourites.