The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom, Complete - Tobias Smollett
Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38
He was not so much surprised as afflicted at this decision, because he
saw it gradually approaching from the examination of the first evidence.
His thoughts were now employed in casting about for some method of
deliverance from the snare in which he found himself entangled. To
escape, he foresaw it would be impracticable, as Trapwell would
undoubtedly be prepared for arresting him before he could quit
Westminster Hall; he was too well acquainted with Ratchcali's principles,
to expect any assistance from that quarter in money matters; and he was
utterly averse to the payment of the sum awarded against him, which would
have exhausted his whole fortune. He therefore resolved to try the
friendship of some persons of fashion, with whom he had maintained an
intimacy of correspondence. Should they fail him in the day of his
necessity, he proposed to have recourse to his former sureties, one of
whom he meant to bilk, while the other might accompany him in his
retreat; or, should both these expedients miscarry, he determined, rather
than part with his effects, to undergo the most disagreeable confinement,
in hope of obtaining the jailor's connivance at his escape.
These resolutions being taken, he met his fate with great fortitude and
equanimity, and calmly suffered himself to be conveyed to the house of a
sheriff's officer, who, as he made his exit from the hall, according to
his own expectation, executed a writ against him, at the suit of
Trapwell, for a debt of two thousand pounds. To this place he was
followed by his solicitor, who was allured by the prospect of another
job, and who, with great demonstrations of satisfaction, congratulated
him upon the happy issue of the trial; arrogating to himself the merit of
having saved him eight thousand pounds in the article of damages, by the
previous steps he had taken, and the noble defence that he and his
friends the counsel had made for their client; he even hinted an
expectation of receiving a gratuity for his extraordinary care and
discretion.
Fathom, galled as he was with his misfortune, and enraged at the
effrontery of this pettifogger, maintained a serenity of countenance, and
sent the attorney with a message to the plaintiff, importing, that, as he
was a foreigner, and could not be supposed to have so much cash about
him, as to spare fifteen hundred pounds from the funds of his ordinary
expense, he would grant him a bond payable in two months, during which
period he should be able to procure a proper remittance from his own
estate. While the solicitor was employed in this negotiation, he
despatched his valet-de-chambre to one nobleman, and Maurice to another,
with billets, signifying the nature of the verdict which his adversary
had obtained, and desiring that each would lend him a thousand pounds
upon his parole, until he could negotiate bills upon the Continent.
His three messengers returned almost at the same instant of time, and
these were the answers they brought back.
Trapwell absolutely rejected his personal security; and threatened him
with all the horrors of a jail, unless he would immediately discharge the
debt, or procure sufficient bondsmen; and one of his quality friends
favoured him with this reply to his request:--
"MY DEAR COUNT!--I am mortally chagrined at the triumph you have
furnished to that rascally citizen. By the lard! the judge must have
been in the terrors of cuckoldom, to influence the decision; and the jury
a mere herd of horned beasts, to bring in such a barbarous verdict.
Egad! at this rate, no gentleman will be able to lie with another man's
wife, but at the risk of a cursed prosecution. But to waive this
disagreeable circumstance, which you must strive to forget; I declare my
mortification is still the greater, because I cannot at present supply
you with the trifle your present exigency requires; for, to tell you a
secret, my own finances are in damnable confusion. But a man of Count
Fathom's figure and address can never be puzzled for the want of such a
paltry sum. Adieu, my dear Count! we shall, I suppose, have the pleasure
of seeing you to-morrow at White's: meanwhile, I have the honour to be,
with the most perfect attachment, yours, GRIZZLEGRIN."
The other noble peer, to whom he addressed himself on this occasion,
cherished the same sentiments of virtue, friendship, and generosity; but
his expression was so different, that we shall, for the edification of
the reader, transcribe his letter in his own words:--
"SIR,--I was never more astonished than at the receipt of your very
extraordinary billet, wherein you solicit the loan of a thousand pounds,
which you desire may be sent with the bearer on the faith of your parole.
Sir, I have no money to send you or lend you; and cannot help repeating
my expressions of surprise at your confidence in making such a strange
and unwarranted demand. 'Tis true, I may have made professions of
friendship, while I looked upon you as a person of honour and good
morals; but now that you are convicted of such a flagrant violation of
the laws of that kingdom where you have been treated with such
hospitality and respect, I think myself fully absolved from any such
conditional promise, which indeed is never interpreted into any other
than a bare compliment. I am sorry you have involved your character and
fortune in such a disagreeable affair, and am, Sir, yours, etc.
TROMPINGTON."
Ferdinand was not such a novice in the world as to be disappointed at
these repulses; especially as he had laid very little stress upon the
application, which was made by way of an experiment upon the gratitude or
caprice of those two noblemen, whom he had actually more than once
obliged with the same sort of assistance which he now solicited, though
not to such a considerable amount.
Having nothing further to expect from the fashionable world, he sent the
Tyrolese to the person who had been bail for his appearance, with full
instructions to explain his present occasion in the most favourable
light, and desire he would reinforce the credit of the Count with his
security; but that gentleman, though he placed the most perfect
confidence on the honour of our hero, and would have willingly entered
into bonds again for his personal appearance, was not quite so well
satisfied of his circumstances, as to become liable for the payment of
two thousand pounds, an expense which, in his opinion, the finances of no
foreign Count were able to defray. He therefore lent a deaf ear to the
most pressing remonstrances of the ambassador, who had recourse to
several other merchants, with the same bad success; so that the prisoner,
despairing of bail, endeavoured to persuade Ratchcali, that it would be
his interest to contribute a thousand pounds towards his discharge, that
he might be enabled to quit England with a good grace, and execute his
part of the plan they had projected.
So powerful was his eloquence on the occasion, and such strength of
argument did he use, that even the Tyrolese seemed convinced, though
reluctantly, and agreed to advance the necessary sum upon the bond and
judgment of our adventurer, who, being disabled from transacting his own
affairs in person, was obliged to intrust Ratchcali with his keys,
papers, and power of attorney, under the check and inspection of his
faithful Maurice and the solicitor, whose fidelity he bespoke with the
promise of an ample recompense.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
THE BITER IS BIT.
Yet, he had no sooner committed his effects to the care of this
triumvirate, than his fancy was visited with direful warnings, which
produced cold sweats and palpitations, and threw him into such agonies of
apprehension as he had never known before. He remembered the former
desertion of the Tyrolese, the recent villany of the solicitor, and
recollected the remarks he had made upon the disposition and character of
his valet, which evinced him a fit companion for the other two.
Alarmed at these reflections, he entreated the bailiff to indulge him
with a visit to his own lodgings, and even offered one hundred guineas as
a gratification for his compliance. But the officer, who had formerly
lost a considerable sum by the escape of a prisoner, would not run any
risk in an affair of such consequence, and our hero was obliged to submit
to the tortures of his own presaging fears. After he had waited five
hours in the most racking impatience, he saw the attorney enter with all
the marks of hurry, fatigue, and consternation, and heard him exclaim,
"Good God, have you seen the gentleman?"
Fathom found his fears realised in this interrogation, to which he
answered in a tone of horror and dismay, "What gentleman? I suppose I am
robbed. Speak, and keep me no longer in suspense." "Robbed!" cried the
attorney, "the Lord forbid! I hope you can depend upon the person you
empowered to receive your jewels and cash? I must own his proceedings
are a little extraordinary; for after he had rummaged your scrutoire,
from which, in presence of me and your servant, he took one hundred and
fifty guineas, a parcel of diamond rings and buckles, according to this
here inventory, which I wrote with my own hand, and East India bonds to
the tune of five hundred more, we adjourned to Garraway's, where he left
me alone, under pretence of going to a broker of his acquaintance who
lived in the neighbourhood, while the valet, as I imagined, waited for us
in the alley. Well, sir, he stayed so long, that I began to be uneasy,
and at length resolved to send the servant in quest of him, but when I
went out for that purpose, deuce a servant was to be found; though I in
person inquired for him at every alehouse within half a mile of the
place. I then despatched no less than five ticket porters upon the scent
after them, and I myself, by a direction from the bar-keeper, went to
Signior Ratchcali's lodgings, where, as they told me, he had not been
seen since nine o'clock in the morning. Upon this intimation, I came
directly hither, to give you timely notice, that you may without delay
take measures for your own security. The best thing you can do, is to
take out writs for apprehending him, in the counties of Middlesex,
Surrey, Kent, and Essex, and I shall put them in the hands of trusty and
diligent officers, who will soon ferret him out of his lurking-place,
provided he skulks within ten miles of the bills of mortality. To be
sure, the job will be expensive; and all these runners must be paid
beforehand. But what then? the defendant is worth powder, and if we can
once secure him, I'll warrant the prosecution will quit cost."
Fathom was almost choked with concern and resentment at the news of this
mischance, so that he could not utter one word until this narrative was
finished. Nor was his suspicion confined to the Tyrolese and his own
lacquey; he considered the solicitor as their accomplice and director,
and was so much provoked at the latter part of his harangue, that his
discretion seemed to vanish, and, collaring the attorney, "Villain!" said
he, "you yourself have been a principal actor in this robbery." Then
turning to the bystanders, "and I desire in the King's name that he may
be secured, until I can make oath before a magistrate in support of the
charge. If you refuse your assistance in detaining him, I will make
immediate application to one of the secretaries of state, who is my
particular friend, and he will see justice done to all parties."
At mention of this formidable name, the bailiff and his whole family were
in commotion, to obstruct the retreat of the lawyer, who stood aghast and
trembled under the grasp of our adventurer. But, soon as he found
himself delivered from this embrace, by the interposition of the
spectators, and collected his spirits, which had been suddenly dissipated
by Fathom's unexpected assault, he began to display one art of his
occupation, which he always reserved for extraordinary occasions. This
was the talent of abuse, which he poured forth with such fluency of
opprobrious language, that our hero, smarting as he was, and almost
desperate with his loss, deviated from that temperance of behaviour which
he had hitherto preserved, and snatching up the poker, with one stroke
opened a deep trench upon the attorney's skull, that extended from the
hind head almost to the upper part of the nose, upon each side of which
it discharged a sanguine stream. Notwithstanding the pain of this
application, the solicitor was transported with joy at the sense of the
smart, and inwardly congratulated himself upon the appearance of his own
blood, which he no sooner perceived, than he exclaimed, "I'm a dead man,"
and fell upon the floor at full length.
Immediate recourse was had to a surgeon in the neighbourhood, who, having
examined the wound, declared there was a dangerous depression of the
first table of the skull, and that, if he could save the patient's life
without the application of the trepan, it would be one of the greatest
cures that ever were performed. By this time, Fathom's first transport
being overblown, he summoned up his whole resolution, and reflected upon
his own ruin with that fortitude which had never failed him in the
emergencies of his fate. Little disturbed at the prognostic of the
surgeon, which he considered in the right point of view; "Sir," said he,
"I am not so unacquainted with the resistance of an attorney's skull, as
to believe the chastisement I have bestowed on him will at all endanger
his life, which is in much greater jeopardy from the hands of the common
executioner. For, notwithstanding this accident, I am determined to
prosecute the rascal for robbery with the utmost severity of the law;
and, that I may have a sufficient fund left for that prosecution, I shall
not at present throw away one farthing in unnecessary expense, but insist
upon being conveyed to prison without farther delay."
This declaration was equally unwelcome to the bailiff, surgeon, and
solicitor, who, upon the supposition that the Count was a person of
fortune, and would rather part with an immense sum than incur the
ignominy of a jail, or involve himself in another disgraceful lawsuit,
had resolved to fleece him to the utmost of their power. But, now the
attorney finding him determined to set his fate at defiance, and to
retort upon him a prosecution, which he had no design to undergo, began
to repent heartily of the provocation he had given, and to think
seriously on some method to overcome the obstinacy of the incensed
foreigner. With this view, while the bailiff conducted him to bed in
another apartment, he desired the catchpole to act the part of mediator
between him and the Count, and furnished him with proper instructions for
that purpose. Accordingly the landlord, on his return, told Fathom that
he was sure the solicitor was not a man for this world; for that he had
left him deprived of his senses, and praying to God with great devotion
for mercy to his murderer. He then exhorted him, with many protestations
of friendship, to compromise the unhappy affair by exchanging releases
with the attorney before his delirium should be known, otherwise he would
bring himself into a most dangerous premunire, whether the plaintiff
should die of his wound, or live to prosecute him for assault. "And with
regard to your charge of robbery against him," said he, "as it is no more
than a base suspicion, unsupported by the least shadow of evidence, the
bill would be thrown out, and then he might sue you for damages. I
therefore, out of pure friendship and good-nature, advise you to
compromise the affair, and, if you think proper, will endeavour to bring
about a mutual release."
Our hero, whose passion was by this time pretty well cooled, saw reason
for assenting to the proposal; upon which the deed was immediately
executed, the mediator's bill was discharged, and Ferdinand conveyed in
an hackney-coach to prison, after he had empowered his own landlord to
discharge his servants, and convert his effects into ready money. Thus,
he saw himself, in the course of a few hours, deprived of his reputation,
rank, liberty, and friends; and his fortune reduced from two thousand
pounds to something less than two hundred, fifty of which he had carried
to jail in his pocket.
END OF VOL. I.
THE ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM
by Tobias Smollett
COMPLETE IN TWO PARTS
PART II.
With the Author's Preface, and an Introduction by G. H. Maynadier, Ph.D.
Department of English, Harvard University.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER
XXXIX Our Adventurer is made acquainted with a new Scene of Life
XL He contemplates Majesty and its Satellites in Eclipse
XLI One Quarrel is compromised, and another decided by unusual
Arms
XLII An unexpected Rencontre, and a happy Revolution in the
Affairs of our Adventurer
XLIII Fathom justifies the Proverb, "What's bred in the Bone will
never come out of the Flesh"
XLIV Anecdotes of Poverty, and Experiments for the Benefit of
those whom it may concern
XLV Renaldo's Distress deepens, and Fathom's Plot thickens
XLVI Our Adventurer becomes absolute in his Power over the
Passions of his Friend, and effects one half of his Aim
XLVII The Art of Borrowing further explained, and an Account of a
Strange Phenomenon
XLVIII Count Fathom unmasks his Battery; is repulsed; and varies his
Operations without effect
XLIX Monimia's Honour is protected by the Interposition of Heaven
L Fathom shifts the Scene, and appears in a new Character
LI Triumphs over a Medical Rival
LII Repairs to the Metropolis, and enrols himself among the
Sons of Paean
LIII Acquires Employment in consequence of a lucky Miscarriage
LIV His Eclipse, and gradual Declination
LV After divers unsuccessful Efforts, he has recourse to the
Matrimonial Noose
LVI In which his Fortune is effectually strangled
LVII Fathom being safely housed, the Reader is entertained with
a Retrospect
LVIII Renaldo abridges the Proceedings at Law, and approves himself
the Son of his Father
LIX He is the Messenger of Happiness to his Sister, who removes
the film which had long obstructed his Penetration, with
regard to Count Fathom
LX He recompenses the Attachment of his Friend; and receives
a Letter that reduces him to the Verge of Death and
Distraction
LXI Renaldo meets with a living Monument of Justice, and
encounters a Personage of some Note in these Memoirs
LXII His Return to England, and Midnight Pilgrimage to Monimia's
Tomb
LXIII He renews the Rites of Sorrow, and is entranced
LXIV The Mystery unfolded--Another Recognition, which, it is to be
hoped, the Reader could not foresee
LXV A retrospective Link, necessary for the Concatenation of
these Memoirs
LXVI The History draws near a Period
LXVII The Longest and the Last
THE ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND COUNT FATHOM
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
OUR ADVENTURER IS MADE ACQUAINTED WITH A NEW SCENE OF LIFE.
Just as he entered these mansions of misery, his ears were invaded with a
hoarse and dreadful voice, exclaiming, "You, Bess Beetle, score a couple
of fresh eggs, a pennyworth of butter, and half a pint of mountain to the
king; and stop credit till the bill is paid:--He is now debtor for
fifteen shillings and sixpence, and d--n me if I trust him one farthing
more, if he was the best king in Christendom. And, d'ye hear, send
Ragged-head with five pounds of potatoes for Major Macleaver's supper,
and let him have what drink he wants; the fat widow gentlewoman from
Pimlico has promised to quit his score. Sir Mungo Barebones may have
some hasty pudding and small beer, though I don't expect to see his coin,
no more than to receive the eighteen pence I laid out for a pair of
breeches to his backside--what then? he's a quiet sort of a body, and a
great scholar, and it was a scandal to the place to see him going about
in that naked condition. As for the mad Frenchman with the beard, if you
give him so much as a cheese-paring, you b--ch, I'll send you back to the
hole, among your old companions; an impudent dog! I'll teach him to draw
his sword upon the governor of an English county jail. What! I suppose
he thought he had to do with a French hang-tang-dang, rabbit him! he
shall eat his white feather, before I give him credit for a morsel of
bread."
Although our adventurer was very little disposed, at this juncture, to
make observations foreign to his own affairs, he could not help taking
notice of these extraordinary injunctions; especially those concerning
the person who was entitled king, whom, however, he supposed to be some
prisoner elected as the magistrate by the joint suffrage of his fellows.
Having taken possession of his chamber, which he rented at five shillings
a week, and being ill at ease in his own thoughts, he forthwith secured
his door, undressed, and went to bed, in which, though it was none of the
most elegant or inviting couches, he enjoyed profound repose after the
accumulated fatigues and mortifications of the day. Next morning, after
breakfast, the keeper entered his apartment, and gave him to understand,
that the gentlemen under his care, having heard of the Count's arrival,
had deputed one of their number to wait upon him with the compliments of
condolence suitable to the occasion, and invite him to become a member of
their society. Our hero could not politely dispense with this instance
of civility, and their ambassador being instantly introduced by the name
of Captain Minikin, saluted him with great solemnity.
This was a person equally remarkable for his extraordinary figure and
address; his age seemed to border upon forty, his stature amounted to
five feet, his visage was long, meagre, and weather-beaten, and his
aspect, though not quite rueful, exhibited a certain formality, which was
the result of care and conscious importance. He was very little
encumbered with flesh and blood; yet what body he had was well
proportioned, his limbs were elegantly turned, and by his carriage he was
well entitled to that compliment which we pay to any person when we say
he has very much the air of a gentleman. There was also an evident
singularity in his dress, which, though intended as an improvement,
appeared to be an extravagant exaggeration of the mode, and at once
evinced him an original to the discerning eyes of our adventurer, who
received him with his usual complaisance, and made a very eloquent
acknowledgment of the honour and satisfaction he received from the visit
of the representative, and the hospitality of his constituents. The
captain's peculiarities were not confined to his external appearance; for
his voice resembled the sound of a bassoon, or the aggregate hum of a
whole bee-hive, and his discourse was almost nothing else than a series
of quotations from the English poets, interlarded with French phrases,
which he retained for their significance, on the recommendation of his
friends, being himself unacquainted with that or any other outlandish
tongue.
Fathom, finding this gentleman of a very communicative disposition,
thought he could not have a fairer opportunity of learning the history of
his fellow-prisoners; and, turning the conversation on that subject, was
not disappointed in his expectation. "I don't doubt, sir," said he, with
the utmost solemnity of declamation, "but you look with horror upon every
object that surrounds you in this uncomfortable place; but, nevertheless,
here are some, who, as my friend Shakespeare has it, have seen better
days, and have with holy bell been knolled to church; and sat at good
men's feasts, and wiped their eyes of drops that sacred pity hath
engendered. You must know, sir, that, exclusive of the canaille, or the
profanum vulgus, as they are styled by Horace, there are several small
communities in the jail, consisting of people who are attracted by the
manners and dispositions of each other; for this place, sir, is quite a
microcosm, and as the great world, so is this, a stage, and all the men
and women merely players. For my own part, sir, I have always made it a
maxim to associate with the best of company I can find. Not that I
pretend to boast of my family or extraction; because, you know, as the
poet says, Vix ea nostra voco. My father, 'tis true, was a man that
piqued himself upon his pedigree, as well as upon his politesse and
personal merit; for he had been a very old officer in the army, and I
myself may say I was born with a spontoon in my hand. Sir, I have had
the honour to serve his Majesty these twenty years, and have been bandied
about in the course of duty through all the British plantations, and you
see the recompense of all my service. But this is a disagreeable
subject, and therefore I shall waive it; however, as Butler observes: