The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom, Complete - Tobias Smollett
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The whole family was alarmed upon this occasion; for, as we have already
observed, he was an universal favourite. He was immediately visited by
the old Count and his lady, who expressed the utmost concern at his
distemper, ordered him to be carefully attended, and sent for a physician
without loss of time. The young gentleman would scarce stir from his
bedside, where he ministered unto him with all the demonstrations of
brotherly affection; and Miss exhorted him to keep up his spirits, with
many expressions of unreserved sympathy and regard. Nevertheless, he saw
nothing in her behaviour but what might be naturally expected from common
friendship, and a compassionate disposition, and was very much mortified
at his disappointment.
Whether the miscarriage actually affected his constitution, or the doctor
happened to be mistaken in his diagnostics, we shall not pretend to
determine; but the patient was certainly treated secundum artem, and all
his complaints in a little time realised; for the physician, like a true
graduate, had an eye to the apothecary in his prescriptions; and such was
the concern and scrupulous care with which our hero was attended, that
the orders of the faculty were performed with the utmost punctuality. He
was blooded, vomited, purged, and blistered, in the usual forms (for the
physicians of Hungary are generally as well skilled in the arts of their
occupation as any other leeches under the sun), and swallowed a whole
dispensary of bolusses, draughts, and apozems, by which means he became
fairly delirious in three days, and so untractable, that he could be no
longer managed according to rule; otherwise, in all likelihood, the world
would never have enjoyed the benefit of these adventures. In short, his
constitution, though unable to cope with two such formidable antagonists
as the doctor and the disease he had conjured up, was no sooner rid of
the one, than it easily got the better of the other; and though
Ferdinand, after all, found his grand aim unaccomplished, his malady was
productive of a consequence, which, though he had not foreseen it, he did
not fail to convert to his own use and advantage.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ENGAGES IN PARTNERSHIP WITH A FEMALE ASSOCIATE, IN ORDER TO PUT HIS
TALENTS IN ACTION.
While he displayed his qualifications in order to entrap the heart of his
young mistress, he had unwittingly enslaved the affections of her maid.
This attendant was also a favourite of the young lady, and, though her
senior by two or three good years at least, unquestionably her superior
in point of personal beauty; she moreover possessed a good stock of
cunning and discernment, and was furnished by nature with a very amorous
complexion. These circumstances being premised, the reader will not be
surprised to find her smitten by those uncommon qualifications which we
have celebrated in young Fathom. She had in good sooth long sighed in
secret, under the powerful influence of his charms, and practised upon
him all those little arts, by which a woman strives to attract the
admiration, and ensnare the heart of a man she loves; but all his
faculties were employed upon the plan which he had already projected;
that was the goal of his whole attention, to which all his measures
tended; and whether or not he perceived the impression he had made upon
Teresa, he never gave her the least reason to believe he was conscious of
his victory, until he found himself baffled in his design upon the heart
of her mistress.--She therefore persevered in her distant attempts to
allure him, with the usual coquetries of dress and address, and, in the
sweet hope of profiting by his susceptibility, made shift to suppress her
feelings, and keep her passion within bounds, until his supposed danger
alarmed her fears, and raised such a tumult within her breast, that she
could no longer conceal her love, but gave a loose to her sorrow in the
most immoderate expressions of anguish and affliction, and, while his
delirium lasted, behaved with all the agitation of a despairing
shepherdess.
Ferdinand was, or pretended to be, the last person in the family who
understood the situation of her thoughts; when he perceived her passion,
he entered into deliberation with himself, and tasked his reflection and
foresight, in order to discover how best he might convert this conquest
to his own advantage. Here, then, that we may neglect no opportunity of
doing justice to our hero, it will be proper to observe, that, howsoever
unapt his understanding might be to receive and retain the usual culture
of the schools, he was naturally a genius self-taught, in point of
sagacity and invention.--He dived into the characters of mankind, with a
penetration peculiar to himself, and, had he been admitted as a pupil in
any political academy, would have certainly become one of the ablest
statesmen in Europe.
Having revolved all the probable consequences of such a connexion, he
determined to prosecute an amour with the lady whose affection he had
subdued; because he hoped to interest her as an auxiliary in his grand
scheme upon Mademoiselle, which he did not as yet think proper to lay
aside; for he was not more ambitious in the plan, than indefatigable in
the prosecution of it. He knew it would be impossible to execute his
aims upon the Count's daughter under the eye of Teresa, whose natural
discernment would be whetted with jealousy, and who would watch his
conduct, and thwart his progress with all the vigilance and spite of a
slighted maiden. On the other hand, he did not doubt of being able to
bring her over to his interest, by the influence he had already gained,
or might afterwards acquire over her passions; in which case, she would
effectually espouse his cause, and employ her good offices with her
mistress in his behalf; besides, he was induced by another motive, which,
though secondary, did not fail in this case to have an effect upon his
determination. He looked upon Teresa with the eyes of appetite, which he
longed to gratify; for he was not at all dead to the instigations of the
flesh, though he had philosophy enough to resist them, when he thought
they interfered with his interest. Here the case was quite different.
His desire happened to be upon the side of his advantage, and therefore,
resolving to indulge it, he no sooner found himself in a condition to
manage such an adventure, than he began to make gradual advances in point
of warmth and particular complacency to the love-sick maid.
He first of all thanked her, in the most grateful terms, for the concern
she had manifested at his distemper, and the kind services he had
received from her during the course of it; he treated her upon all
occasions with unusual affability and regard, assiduously courted her
acquaintance and conversation, and contracted an intimacy that in a
little time produced a declaration of love. Although her heart was too
much intendered to hold out against all the forms of assault, far from
yielding at discretion, she stood upon honourable terms, with great
obstinacy of punctilio, and, while she owned he was master of her
inclinations, gave him to understand, with a peremptory and resolute air,
that he should never make a conquest of her virtue; observing, that, if
the passion he professed was genuine, he would not scruple to give such a
proof of it as would at once convince her of his sincerity; and that he
could have no just cause to refuse her that satisfaction, she being his
equal in point of birth and situation; for, if he was the companion and
favourite of the young Count, she was the friend and confidant of
Mademoiselle.
He acknowledged the strength of her argument, and that her condescension
was greater than his deserts, but objected against the proposal, as
infinitely prejudicial to the fortunes of them both. He represented the
state of dependence in which they mutually stood; their utter incapacity
to support one another under the consequences of a precipitate match,
clandestinely made, without the consent and concurrence of their patrons.
He displayed, with great eloquence, all those gay expectations they had
reason to entertain, from that eminent degree of favour which they had
already secured in the family; and set forth, in the most alluring
colours, those enchanting scenes of pleasure they might enjoy in each
other, without that disagreeable consciousness of a nuptial chain,
provided she would be his associate in the execution of a plan which he
had projected for their reciprocal convenience.
Having thus inflamed her love of pleasure and curiosity, he, with great
caution, hinted his design upon the young lady's fortune, and, perceiving
her listening with the most greedy attention, and perfectly ripe for the
conspiracy, he disclosed his intention at full length, assuring her, with
the most solemn protestations of love and attachment, that, could he once
make himself legal possessor of an estate which Mademoiselle inherited by
the will of a deceased aunt, his dear Teresa should reap the happy fruits
of his affluence, and wholly engross his time and attention.
Such a base declaration our hero would not have ventured to make, had he
not implicitly believed the damsel was as great a latitudinarian as
himself, in point of morals and principle; and been well assured, that,
though he should be mistaken in her way of thinking, so far as to be
threatened with a detection of his purpose, he would always have it in
his power to refute her accusation as mere calumny, by the character he
had hitherto maintained, and the circumspection of his future conduct.
He seldom or never erred in his observations on the human heart. Teresa,
instead of disapproving, relished the plan in general, with
demonstrations of singular satisfaction. She at once conceived all the
advantageous consequences of such a scheme, and perceived in it only one
flaw, which, however, she did not think incurable. This defect was no
other than a sufficient bond of union, by which they might be effectually
tied down to their mutual interest. She foresaw, that, in case Ferdinand
should obtain possession of the prize, he might, with great ease, deny
their contract, and disavow her claim of participation. She therefore
demanded security, and proposed, as a preliminary of the agreement, that
he should privately take her to wife, with a view to dispel all her
apprehensions of his inconstancy or deceit, as such a previous engagement
would be a check upon his behaviour, and keep him strictly to the letter
of their contract.
He could not help subscribing to the righteousness of this proposal,
which, nevertheless, he would have willingly waived, on the supposition
that they could not possibly be joined in the bands of wedlock with such
secrecy as the nature of the case absolutely required. This would have
been a difficulty soon removed, had the scene of the transaction been
laid in the metropolis of England, where passengers are plied in the
streets by clergymen, who prostitute their characters and consciences for
hire, in defiance of all decency and law; but in the kingdom of Hungary,
ecclesiastics are more scrupulous in the exercise of their function, and
the objection was, or supposed to be, altogether insurmountable; so that
they were fain to have recourse to an expedient, with which, after some
hesitation, our she-adventurer was satisfied. They joined hands in the
sight of Heaven, which they called to witness, and to judge the sincerity
of their vows, and engaged, in a voluntary oath, to confirm their union
by the sanction of the church, whenever a convenient opportunity for so
doing should occur.
The scruples of Teresa being thus removed, she admitted Ferdinand to the
privileges of a husband, which he enjoyed in stolen interviews, and
readily undertook to exert her whole power in promoting his suit with her
young mistress, because she now considered his interest as inseparably
connected with her own. Surely nothing could be more absurd or
preposterous than the articles of this covenant, which she insisted upon
with such inflexibility. How could she suppose that her pretended lover
would be restrained by an oath, when the very occasion of incurring it
was an intention to act in violation of all laws human and divine? and
yet such ridiculous conjuration is commonly the cement of every
conspiracy, how dark, how treacherous, how impious soever it may be: a
certain sign that there are some remains of religion left in the human
mind, even after every moral sentiment hath abandoned it; and that the
most execrable ruffian finds means to quiet the suggestions of his
conscience, by some reversionary hope of Heaven's forgiveness.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THEIR FIRST ATTEMPT; WITH A DIGRESSION WHICH SOME READERS MAY THINK
IMPERTINENT.
Be this as it will, our lovers, though real voluptuaries, amidst the
first transports of their enjoyment did not neglect the great political
aim of their conjunction. Teresa's bedchamber, to which our hero
constantly repaired at midnight, was the scene of their deliberations,
and there it was determined that the damsel, in order to avoid suspicion,
should feign herself irritated at the indifference of Ferdinand, her
passion for whom was by this time no secret in the family; and that, with
a view to countenance this affectation, he should upon all occasions
treat her with an air of loftiness and disdain.
So screened from all imputation of fraud, she was furnished by him with
artful instructions how to sound the inclinations of her young mistress,
how to recommend his person and qualifications by the sure methods of
contradiction, comparisons, revilings, and reproach; how to watch the
paroxysms of her disposition, inflame her passions, and improve, for his
advantage, those moments of frailty from which no woman is exempted. In
short, this consummate politician taught his agent to poison the young
lady's mind with insidious conversation, tending to inspire her with the
love of guilty pleasure, to debauch her sentiments, and confound her
ideas of dignity and virtue. After all, the task is not difficult to
lead the unpractised heart astray, by dint of those opportunities her
seducer possessed. The seeds of insinuation seasonably sown upon the
warm luxuriant soil of youth, could hardly fail of shooting up into such
intemperate desires as he wanted to produce, especially when cultured and
cherished in her unguarded hours, by that stimulating discourse which
familiarity admits, and the looser passions, ingrafted in every breast,
are apt to relish and excuse.
Fathom had previously reconnoitred the ground, and discovered some marks
of inflammability in Mademoiselle's constitution; her beauty was not such
as to engage her in those gaieties of amusement which could flatter her
vanity and dissipate her ideas; and she was of an age when the little
loves and young desires take possession of the fancy; he therefore
concluded, that she had the more leisure to indulge these enticing images
of pleasure that youth never fails to create, particularly in those who,
like her, were addicted to solitude and study.
Teresa, full fraught with the wily injunctions of her confederate, took
the field, and opened the campaign with such remarkable sourness in her
aspect when Ferdinand appeared, that her young lady could not help taking
notice of her affected chagrin, and asked the reason of such apparent
alteration in her way of thinking. Prepared for this question, the other
replied, in a manner calculated for giving Mademoiselle to understand,
that, whatever impressions Ferdinand might have formerly made on her
heart, they were now altogether effaced by the pride and insolence with
which he had received her advances; and that her breast now glowed with
all the revenge of a slighted lover.
To evince the sincerity of this declaration, she bitterly inveighed
against him, and even affected to depreciate those talents, in which she
knew his chief merit to consist; hoping, by these means, to interest
Mademoiselle's candour in his defence. So far the train succeeded. That
young lady's love for truth was offended at the calumnies that were
vented against Ferdinand in his absence. She chid her woman for the
rancour of her remarks, and undertook to refute the articles of his
dispraise. Teresa supported her own assertions with great obstinacy, and
a dispute ensued, in which her mistress was heated into some extravagant
commendations of our adventurer.
His supposed enemy did not fail to make a report of her success, and to
magnify every advantage they had gained; believing, in good earnest, that
her lady's warmth was the effect of a real passion for the fortunate Mr.
Fathom. But he himself viewed the adventure in a different light, and
rightly imputed the violence of Mademoiselle's behaviour to the
contradiction she had sustained from her maid, or to the fire of her
natural generosity glowing in behalf of innocence traduced.
Nevertheless, he was perfectly well pleased with the nature of the
contest; because, in the course of such debates, he foresaw that he
should become habitually her hero, and that, in time, she would actually
believe those exaggerations of his merit, which she herself had feigned,
for the honour of her own arguments.
This presage, founded upon that principle of self-respect, without which
no individual exists, may certainly be justified by manifold occurrences
in life. We ourselves have known a very pregnant example, which we shall
relate, for the emolument of the reader. A certain needy author having
found means to present a manuscript to one of those sons of fortune who
are dignified with the appellation of patrons, instead of reaping that
applause and advantage with which he had regaled his fancy, had the
mortification to find his performance treated with infinite irreverence
and contempt, and, in high dudgeon and disappointment, appealed to the
judgment of another critic, who, he knew, had no veneration for the
first.
This common consolation, to which all baffled authors have recourse, was
productive of very happy consequences to our bard; for, though the
opinions of both judges concerning the piece were altogether the same,
the latter, either out of compassion to the appellant, or desire of
rendering his rival ridiculous in the eye of taste, undertook to repair
the misfortune, and in this manner executed the plan. In a meeting of
literati, to which both these wits belonged, he who had espoused the
poet's cause, having previously desired another member to bring his
composition on the carpet, no sooner heard it mentioned, than he began to
censure it with flagrant marks of scorn, and, with an ironical air,
looking at its first condemner, observed, that he must be furiously
infected with the rage of patronising, who could take such a deplorable
performance into his protection. The sarcasm took effect.
The person against whom it was levelled, taking umbrage at his
presumption, assumed an aspect of disdain, and replied with great
animosity, that nothing was more easily supported than the character of a
Zoilus, because no production was altogether free from blemishes; and any
man might pronounce against any piece by the lump, without interesting
his own discernment; but to perceive the beauties of a work, it was
requisite to have learning, judgment, and taste; and therefore he did not
wonder that the gentleman had overlooked a great many in the composition
which he so contemptuously decried. A rejoinder succeeded this reply,
and produced a long train of altercation, in which the gentleman, who had
formerly treated the book with such disrespect, now professed himself its
passionate admirer, and held forth in praise of it with great warmth and
elocution.
Not contented with having exhibited this instance of regard, he next
morning sent a message to the owner, importing, that he had but
superficially glanced over the manuscript, and desiring the favour of
perusing it a second time. Being indulged in this request, he
recommended it in terms of rapture to all his friends and dependants,
and, by dint of unwearied solicitation, procured a very ample
subscription for the author.
But, to resume the thread of our story. Teresa's practices were not
confined to simple defamation. Her reproaches were contrived so as to
imply some intelligence in favour of the person she reviled. In
exemplifying his pertness and arrogance, she repeated his witty repartee;
on pretence of blaming his ferocity, she recounted proofs of his spirit
and prowess; and, in explaining the source of his vanity, gave her
mistress to understand, that a certain young lady of fashion was said to
be enamoured of his person. Nor did this well-instructed understrapper
omit those other parts of her cue which the principal judged necessary
for the furtherance of his scheme. Her conversation became less guarded,
and took a freer turn than usual; she seized all opportunities of
introducing little amorous stories, the greatest part of which were
invented for the purposes of warming her passions, and lowering the price
of chastity in her esteem; for she represented all the young lady's
contemporaries in point of age and situation, as so many sensualists,
who, without scruple, indulged themselves in the stolen pleasures of
youth.
Meanwhile, Ferdinand seconded these endeavours with his whole industry
and address. He redoubled, if possible, his deference and respect,
whetting his assiduity to the keenest edge of attention; and, in short,
regulated his dress, conversation, and deportment, according to the
fancy, turn, and prevailing humour of his young mistress. He, moreover,
attempted to profit by her curiosity, which he knew to be truly feminine;
and having culled from the library of his patron certain dangerous books,
calculated to debauch the minds of young people, left them occasionally
upon the table in his apartment, after having directed Teresa to pick
them up, as if by accident, in his absence, and carry them off for the
entertainment of Mademoiselle; nay, this crafty projector found means to
furnish his associate with some mischievous preparations, which were
mingled in her chocolate, tea, or coffee, as provocations to warm her
constitution; yet all these machinations, ingenious as they were, failed,
not only in fulfilling their aim, but even in shaking the foundations of
her virtue or pride, which stood their assaults unmoved, like a strong
tower built upon a rock, impregnable to all the tempestuous blasts of
heaven.
Not but that the conspirators were more than once mistaken in the effects
of their artifices, and disposed to applaud themselves on the progress
they had made. When at any time she expressed a desire to examine those
performances which were laid before her as snares to entrap her chastity,
they attributed that, which was no other than curiosity, to a looseness
of sentiment; and when she discovered no aversion to hear those anecdotes
concerning the frailty of her neighbours, they imputed to abatement of
chastity that satisfaction which was the result of self-congratulation on
her own superior virtue.
So far did the treacherous accomplice of Fathom presume upon these
misconstructions, that she at length divested her tongue of all
restraint, and behaved in such a manner, that the young lady, confounded
and incensed at her indecency and impudence, rebuked her with great
severity, and commanded her to reform her discourse, on pain of being
dismissed with disgrace from her service.
CHAPTER NINE
THE CONFEDERATES CHANGE THEIR BATTERY, AND ACHIEVE A REMARKABLE
ADVENTURE.
Thunderstruck at this disappointment, the confederates held a council, in
order to deliberate upon the next measures that should be taken; and
Ferdinand, for the present, despairing of accomplishing his grand aim,
resolved to profit in another manner, by the conveniency of his
situation. He represented to his helpmate, that it would be prudent for
them to make hay while the sun shone, as their connexion might be sooner
or later discovered, and an end put to all those opportunities which they
now so happily enjoyed. All principles of morality had been already
excluded from their former plan; consequently he found it an easy task to
interest Teresa in any other scheme tending to their mutual advantage,
howsoever wicked and perfidious it might be. He therefore persuaded her
to be his auxiliary in defrauding Mademoiselle at play, and gave her
suitable directions for that purpose; and even tutored her how to abuse
the trust reposed in her, by embezzling the young lady's effects, without
incurring the suspicion of dishonesty.
On the supposition that every servant in the house was not able to resist
such temptation, the purse of her mistress, to which the maid had always
access, was dropped in a passage which the domestics had occasion to
frequent; and Fathom posted himself in a convenient place, in order to
observe the effect of his stratagem. Here he was not disappointed in his
conjecture. The first person who chanced to pass that way, was one of
the chambermaids, with whom Teresa had lived for some time in a state of
inveterate enmity, because the wench had failed in that homage and
respect which was paid to her by the rest of the servants.