The Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves - Tobias Smollett
"Thrice potent, generous, and august emperor; here let my knees cleave to
the earth, until thou shalt do me justice on that inhuman caitiff Gobble.
Let him disgorge my substance which he hath devoured; let him restore to
my widowed arms my child, my boy, the delight of my eyes, the prop of my
life, the staff of my sustenance, whom he hath torn from my embrace,
stolen, betrayed, sent into captivity, and murdered! Behold these
bleeding wounds upon his lovely breast! see how they mangle his lifeless
corse! Horror! give me my child, barbarians! his head shall lie upon his
Suky's bosom--she will embalm him with her tears. Ha! plunge him in the
deep!--shall my boy then float in a watery tomb? Justice, most mighty
emperor! justice upon the villain who hath ruined us all! May Heaven's
dreadful vengeance overtake him! may the keen storm of adversity strip
him of all his leaves and fruit! may peace forsake his mind, and rest be
banished from his pillow, so that all his days shall be filled with
reproach and sorrow, and all his nights be haunted with horror and
remorse! may he be stung by jealousy without cause, and maddened by
revenge without the means of execution! may all his offspring be blighted
and consumed, like the mildewed ears of corn, except one that shall grow
up to curse his old age, and bring his hoary head with sorrow to the
grave, as he himself has proved a curse to me and mine!"
The rest of the prisoners, perceiving the knight extremely shocked at her
misery and horrid imprecation, removed her by force from his presence,
and conveyed her to another room; while our adventurer underwent a
violent agitation, and could not for some minutes compose himself so well
as to inquire into the nature of this wretched creature's calamity.
The shopkeeper, of whom he demanded this satisfaction, gave him to
understand that she was born a gentlewoman, and had been well educated;
that she married a curate, who did not long survive his nuptials, and
afterwards became the wife of one Oakley, a farmer in opulent
circumstances. That after twenty years' cohabitation with her husband,
he sustained such losses by the distemper among the cattle, as he could
not repair; and that this reverse of fortune was supposed to have
hastened his death. That the widow, being a woman of spirit, determined
to keep up and manage the farm, with the assistance of an only son, a
very promising youth, who was already contracted in marriage with the
daughter of another wealthy farmer. Thus the mother had a prospect of
retrieving the affairs of her family, when all her hopes were dashed and
destroyed by a ridiculous pique which Mrs. Gobble conceived against the
young farmer's sweetheart, Mrs. Susan Sedgemoor.
This young woman chancing to be at a country assembly, where the
gravedigger of the parish acted as master of the ceremonies, was called
out to dance before Miss Gobble, who happened to be there present also
with her mother. The circumstance was construed into an unpardonable
affront by the justice's lady, who abused the director in the most
opprobrious terms for his insolence and ill manners; and retiring in a
storm of passion, vowed revenge against the saucy minx who had presumed
to vie in gentility with Miss Gobble. The justice entered into her
resentment. The gravedigger lost his place; and Suky's lover, young
Oakley, was pressed for a soldier. Before his mother could take any
steps for his discharge, he was hurried away to the East Indies, by the
industry and contrivance of the justice. Poor Suky wept and pined until
she fell into a consumption. The forlorn widow, being thus deprived of
her son, was overwhelmed with grief to such a degree, that she could no
longer manage her concerns. Everything went backwards; she ran in
arrears with her landlord; and the prospect of bankruptcy aggravated her
affliction, while it added to her incapacity. In the midst of these
disastrous circumstances, news arrived that her son Greaves had lost his
life in a sea engagement with the enemy; and these tidings almost
instantly deprived her of reason. Then the landlord seized for his rent,
and she was arrested at the suit of Justice Gobble, who had bought up one
of her debts in order to distress her, and now pretended that her madness
was feigned.
When the name of Greaves was mentioned, our adventurer started and
changed colour; and, now the story was ended, asked, with marks of eager
emotion, if the name of the woman's first husband was not Wilford. When
the prisoner answered in the affirmative, he rose up, and striking his
breast, "Good heaven!" cried he, "the very woman who watched over my
infancy, and even nourished me with her milk! She was my mother's humble
friend. Alas! poor Dorothy! how would your old mistress grieve to see
her favourite in this miserable condition." While he pronounced these
words, to the astonishment of the hearers, a tear stole softly down each
cheek. Then he desired to know if the poor lunatic had any intervals of
reason; and was given to understand that she was always quiet, and
generally supposed to have the use of her senses, except when she was
disturbed by some extraordinary noise, or when any person touched upon
her misfortune, or mentioned the name of her oppressor, in all which
cases she started out into extravagance and frenzy. They likewise
imputed great part of the disorder to the want of quiet, proper food, and
necessaries, with which she was but poorly supplied by the cold hand of
chance charity. Our adventurer was exceedingly affected by the distress
of this woman, whom he resolved to relieve; and in proportion as his
commiseration was excited, his resentment rose against the miscreant, who
seemed to have insinuated himself into the commission of the peace on
purpose to harass and oppress his fellow-creatures.
Thus animated, he entered into consultation with Mr. Thomas Clarke
concerning the steps he should take, first for their deliverance, and
then for prosecuting and punishing the justice. In result of this
conference, the knight called aloud for the jailor, and demanded to see a
copy of his commitment, that he might know the cause of his imprisonment,
and offer bail; or, in case that he should be refused, move for a writ of
Habeas Corpus. The jailor told him the copy of the writ should be
forthcoming. But after he had waited some time, and repeated the demand
before witnesses, it was not yet produced. Mr. Clarke then, in a solemn
tone, gave the jailor to understand, that an officer refusing to deliver
a true copy of the commitment warrant was liable to the forfeiture of one
hundred pounds for the first offence, and for the second to a forfeiture
of twice that sum, besides being disabled from executing his office.
Indeed, it was no easy matter to comply with Sir Launcelot's demand; for
no warrant had been granted, nor was it now in the power of the justice
to remedy this defect, as Mr. Ferret had taken himself away privately,
without having communicated the name and designation of the prisoner. A
circumstance the more mortifying to the jailor, as he perceived the
extraordinary respect which Mr. Clarke and the captain paid to the
knight, and was now fully convinced that he would be dealt with according
to law. Disordered with these reflections, he imparted them to the
justice, who had in vain caused search to be made for Ferret, and was now
extremely well inclined to set the knight and his friends at liberty,
though he did not at all suspect the quality and importance of our
adventurer. He could not, however, resist the temptation of displaying
the authority of his office, and therefore ordered the prisoners to be
brought before his tribunal, that, in the capacity of a magistrate, he
might give them a severe reproof, and proper caution with respect to
their future behaviour.
They were accordingly led through the street in procession, guarded by
the constable and his gang, followed by Crabshaw, who had by this time
been released from the stocks, and surrounded by a crowd of people,
attracted by curiosity. When they arrived at the justice's house, they
were detained for some time in the passage; then a voice was heard,
commanding the constable to bring in the prisoners, and they were
introduced to the hall of audience, where Mr. Gobble sat in judgment,
with a crimson velvet night-cap on his head; and on his right hand
appeared his lady, puffed up with the pride and insolence of her
husband's office, fat, frouzy, and not over-clean, well stricken in
years, without the least vestige of an agreeable feature, having a
rubicund nose, ferret eyes, and imperious aspect. The justice himself
was a little, affected, pert prig, who endeavoured to solemnise his
countenance by assuming an air of consequence, in which pride, impudence,
and folly were strangely blended. He aspired at nothing so much as the
character of an able spokesman; and took all opportunities of holding
forth at vestry and quarter sessions, as well as in the administration of
his office in private. He would not, therefore, let slip this occasion
of exciting the admiration of his hearers, and, in an authoritative tone,
thus addressed our adventurer:--
"The laws of this land has provided--I says as how provision is made by
the laws of this here land, in reverence to delinquems and malefactors,
whereby the king's peace is upholden by we magistrates, who represents
his majesty's person, better than in e'er a contagious nation under the
sun; but, howsomever, that there king's peace, and this here magistrate's
authority cannot be adequably and identically upheld, if so be as how
criminals escapes unpunished. Now, friend, you must be confidentious in
your own mind, as you are a notorious criminal, who have trespassed again
the laws on divers occasions and importunities; if I had a mind to
exercise the rigour of the law, according to the authority wherewith I am
wested, you and your companions in iniquity would be sewerely punished by
the statue; but we magistrates has a power to litigate the sewerity of
justice, and so I am contented that you should be mercifully dealt
withal, and even dismissed."
To this harangue the knight replied, with a solemn and deliberate accent,
"If I understand your meaning aright, I am accused of being a notorious
criminal; but nevertheless you are contented to let me escape with
impunity. If I am a notorious criminal, it is the duty of you, as a
magistrate, to bring me to condign punishment; and if you allow a
criminal to escape unpunished, you are not only unworthy of a place in
the commission, but become accessory to his guilt, and, to all intents
and purposes, socius criminis. With respect to your proffered mercy, I
shall decline the favour; nor do I deserve any indulgence at your hands,
for, depend upon it, I shall show no mercy to you in the steps I intend
to take for bringing you to justice. I understand that you have been
long hackneyed in the ways of oppression, and I have seen some living
monuments of your inhumanity--of that hereafter. I myself have been
detained in prison, without cause assigned. I have been treated with
indignity, and insulted by jailors and constables; led through the
streets like a felon, as a spectacle to the multitude; obliged to dance
attendance in your passage, and afterwards branded with the name of
notorious criminal.--I now demand to see the information in consequence
of which I was detained in prison, the copy of the warrant of commitment
or detainer, and the face of the person by whom I was accused. I insist
upon a compliance with these demands, as the privileges of a British
subject; and if it is refused, I shall seek redress before a higher
tribunal."
The justice seemed to be not a little disturbed at this peremptory
declaration; which, however, had no other effect upon his wife, but that
of enraging her choler, and inflaming her countenance. "Sirrah! sirrah!"
cried she, "do you dares to insult a worshipful magistrate on the bench?
--Can you deny that you are a vagram, and a dilatory sort of a person?
Han't the man with the satchel made an affidavy of it?--If I was my
husband, I'd lay you fast by the heels for your resumption, and ferk you
with a priminery into the bargain, unless you could give a better account
of yourself--I would."
Gobble, encouraged by this fillip, resumed his petulance, and proceeded
in this manner:--"Hark ye, friend, I might, as Mrs. Gobble very justly
observes, trounce you for your audacious behaviour; but I scorn to take
such advantages. Howsomever, I shall make you give an account of
yourself and your companions; for I believes as how you are in a gang,
and all in a story, and perhaps you may be found one day in a cord.--What
are you, friend? What is your station and degree?"--"I am a gentleman,"
replied the knight.--"Ay, that is English for a sorry fellow," said the
justice. "Every idle vagabond, who has neither home nor habitation,
trade nor profession, designs himself a gentleman. But I must know how
you live?"--"Upon my means."--"What are your means?"--"My estate."
"Whence does it arise?"--"From inheritance."--"Your estate lies in brass,
and that you have inherited from nature; but do you inherit lands and
tenements?"--"Yes."--"But they are neither here nor there, I doubt.
Come, come, friend, I shall bring you about presently." Here the
examination was interrupted by the arrival of Mr. Fillet the surgeon, who
chancing to pass, and seeing a crowd about the door, went in to satisfy
his curiosity.
CHAPTER TWELVE
WHICH SHOWS THERE ARE MORE WAYS TO KILL A DOG THAN HANGING.
Mr. Fillet no sooner appeared in the judgment-chamber of Justice Gobble,
than Captain Crowe, seizing him by the hand, exclaimed, "Body o' me!
Doctor, thou'rt come up in the nick of time to lend us a hand in putting
about.--We're a little in the stays here--but howsomever we've got a good
pilot, who knows the coast; and can weather the point, as the saying is.
As for the enemy's vessel, she has had a shot or two already athwart her
forefoot; the next, I do suppose, will strike the hull, and then you will
see her taken all a-back." The doctor, who perfectly understood his
dialect, assured him he might depend upon his assistance; and, advancing
to the knight, accosted him in these words: "Sir Launcelot Greaves, your
most humble servant--when I saw a crowd at the door, I little thought of
finding you within, treated with such indignity--yet I can't help being
pleased with an opportunity of proving the esteem and veneration I have
for your person and character.--You will do me particular pleasure in
commanding my best services."
Our adventurer thanked him for this instance of his friendship, which he
told him he would use without hesitation; and desired he would procure
immediate bail for him and his two friends, who had been imprisoned
contrary to law, without any cause assigned.
During this short dialogue, the justice, who had heard of Sir Launcelot's
family and fortune, though an utter stranger to his person, was seized
with such pangs of terror and compunction, as a grovelling mind may be
supposed to have felt in such circumstances; and they seemed to produce
the same unsavoury effects that are so humorously delineated by the
inimitable Hogarth, in his print of Felix on his tribunal, done in the
Dutch style. Nevertheless, seeing Fillet retire to execute the knight's
commands, he recollected himself so far as to tell the prisoners, there
was no occasion to give themselves any farther trouble, for he would
release them without bail or mainprise. Then discarding all the
insolence from his features, and assuming an aspect of the most humble
adulation, he begged the knight ten thousand pardons for the freedoms he
had taken, which were entirely owing to his ignorance of Sir Launcelot's
quality.
"Yes, I'll assure you, sir," said the wife, "my husband would have bit
off his tongue rather than say black is the white of your eye, if so be
he had known your capacity.--Thank God, we have been used to deal with
gentlefolks, and many's the good pound we have lost by them; but what of
that? Sure we know how to behave to our betters. Mr. Gobble, thanks be
to God, can defy the whole world to prove that he ever said an uncivil
word, or did a rude thing to a gentleman, knowing him to be a person of
fortune. Indeed, as to your poor gentry and riffraff, your tag-rag and
bob-tail, or such vulgar scoundrelly people, he has always behaved like a
magistrate, and treated them with the rigger of authority."--"In other
words," said the knight, "he has tyrannised over the poor, and connived
at the vices of the rich. Your husband is little obliged to you for this
confession, woman."--"Woman!" cried Mrs. Gobble, impurpled with wrath,
and fixing her hands on her sides by way of defiance, "I scorn your
words.--Marry come up! woman, quotha! no more a woman than your worship."
Then bursting into tears, "Husband," continued she, "if you had the soul
of a louse, you would not suffer me to be abused at this rate; you would
not sit still on the bench, and hear your spouse called such contemptible
epitaphs.--Who cares for his title and his knightship? You and I,
husband, knew a tailor that was made a knight; but thank God, I have
noblemen to stand by me with their privileges and beroguetifs."
At this instant Mr. Fillet returned with his friend, a practitioner in
the law, who freely offered to join in bailing our adventurer, and the
other two prisoners, for any sum that should be required. The justice
perceiving the affair began to grow more and more serious, declared that
he would discharge the warrants and dismiss the prisoners.
Here Mr. Clarke interposing, observed, that against the knight no warrant
had been granted, nor any information sworn to; consequently, as the
justice had not complied with the form of proceeding directed by statute,
the imprisonment was coram non judice, void. "Right, sir," said the
other lawyer; "if a justice commits a felon for trial without binding
over the prosecutor to the assizes, he shall be fined."--"And again,"
cried Clarke, "if a justice issues a warrant for commitment, where there
is no accusation, action will lie against the justice." "Moreover,"
replied the stranger, "if a justice of peace is guilty of any
misdemeanour in his office, information lies against him in Banco Regis,
where he shall be punished by fine and imprisonment" "And, besides,"
resumed the accurate Tom, "the same court will grant an information
against a justice of peace, on motion, for sending even a servant to the
house of correction or common jail without sufficient cause."--"True!"
exclaimed the other limb of the law, "and, for contempt of the law,
attachment may be had against justices of peace in Banco Regis. A
justice of the peace was fined a thousand marks for corrupt practices."
With these words, advancing to Mr. Clarke, he shook him by the hand, with
the appellation of brother, saying, "I doubt the justice has got into a
cursed hovel." Mr. Gobble himself seemed to be of the same opinion. He
changed colour several times during the remarks which the lawyers had
made; and now, declaring that the gentlemen were at liberty, begged, in
the most humble phrase, that the company would eat a bit of mutton with
him, and after dinner the affair might be amicably compromised.
To this proposal our adventurer replied, in a grave and resolute tone,
"If your acting in the commission as a justice of the peace concerned my
own particular only, perhaps I should waive any further inquiry, and
resent your insolence no other way but by silent contempt. If I thought
the errors of your administration proceeded from a good intention,
defeated by want of understanding, I should pity your ignorance, and, in
compassion, advise you to desist from acting a part for which you are so
ill qualified; but the preposterous conduct of such a man deeply affects
the interest of the community, especially that part of it, which, from
its helpless situation, is the more entitled to your protection and
assistance. I am, moreover, convinced that your misconduct is not so
much the consequence of an uninformed head, as the poisonous issue of a
malignant heart, devoid of humanity, inflamed with pride, and rankling
with revenge. The common prison of this little town is filled with the
miserable objects of your cruelty and oppression. Instead of protecting
the helpless, restraining the hands of violence, preserving the public
tranquillity, and acting as a father to the poor, according to the intent
and meaning of that institution of which you are an unworthy member, you
have distressed the widow and the orphan, given a loose to all the
insolence of office, embroiled your neighbours by fomenting suits and
animosities, and played the tyrant among the indigent and forlorn. You
have abused the authority with which you were invested, entailed a
reproach upon your office, and, instead of being revered as a blessing,
you are detested as a curse among your fellow-creatures. This indeed is
generally the case of low fellows, who are thrust into the magistracy
without sentiment, education, or capacity.
"Among other instances of your iniquity, there is now in prison an
unhappy woman, infinitely your superior in the advantages of birth,
sense, and education, whom you have, even without provocation, persecuted
to ruin and distraction, after having illegally and inhumanly kidnapped
her only child, and exposed him to a violent death in a foreign land.
Ah, caitiff! if you were to forego all the comforts of life, distribute
your means among the poor, and do the severest penance that ever
priestcraft prescribed for the rest of your days, you could not atone for
the ruin of that hapless family; a family through whose sides you cruelly
and perfidiously stabbed the heart of an innocent young woman, to gratify
the pride and diabolical malice of that wretched lowbred woman, who now
sits at your right hand as the associate of power and presumption. Oh!
if such a despicable reptile shall annoy mankind with impunity, if such a
contemptible miscreant shall have it in his power to do such deeds of
inhumanity and oppression, what avails the law? Where is our admired
constitution, the freedom, the security of the subject, the boasted
humanity of the British nation! Sacred Heaven! if there was no human
institution to take cognisance of such atrocious crimes, I would listen
to the dictates of eternal justice, and, arming myself with the right of
nature, exterminate such villains from the face of the earth!"
These last words he pronounced in such a strain, while his eyes lightened
with indignation, that Gobble and his wife underwent the most violent
agitation; the constable's teeth chattered in his head, the jailor
trembled, and the whole audience was overwhelmed with consternation.
After a short pause, Sir Launcelot proceeded in a milder strain: "Thank
Heaven, the laws of this country have exempted me from the disagreeable
task of such an execution. To them we shall have immediate recourse, in
three separate actions against you for false imprisonment; and any other
person who has been injured by your arbitrary and wicked proceedings, in
me shall find a warm protector, until you shall be expunged from the
commission with disgrace, and have made such retaliation as your
circumstances will allow for the wrongs you have done the community."
In order to complete the mortification and terror of the justice, the
lawyer, whose name was Fenton, declared that, to his certain knowledge,
these actions would be reinforced with divers prosecutions for corrupt
practices, which had lain dormant until some person of courage and
influence should take the lead against Justice Gobble, who was the more
dreaded, as he acted under the patronage of Lord Sharpington. By this
time fear had deprived the justice and his helpmate of the faculty of
speech. They were indeed almost petrified with dismay, and made no
effort to speak, when Mr. Fillet, in the rear of the knight, as he
retired with his company, took his leave of them in these words: "And
now, Mr. Justice, to dinner with what appetite you may."
Our adventurer, though warmly invited to Mr. Fenton's house, repaired to
a public inn, where he thought he should be more at his ease, fully
determined to punish and depose Gobble from his magistracy, to effect a
general jail-delivery of all the debtors whom he had found in
confinement, and in particular to rescue poor Mrs. Oakley from the
miserable circumstances in which she was involved.
In the meantime he insisted upon entertaining his friends at dinner,
during which many sallies of sea-wit and good humour passed between
Captain Crowe and Dr. Fillet, which last had just returned from a
neighbouring village, whither he was summoned to fish a man's yard-arm,
which had snapt in the slings. Their enjoyment, however, was suddenly
interrupted by a loud scream from the kitchen, whither Sir Launcelot
immediately sprung, with equal eagerness and agility. There he saw the
landlady, who was a woman in years, embracing a man dressed in a sailor's
jacket, while she exclaimed, "It is thy own flesh and blood, so sure as
I'm a living soul.--Ah! poor Greaves, poor Greaves, many a poor heart has
grieved for thee!" To this salutation the youth replied, "I'm sorry for
that, mistress.--How does poor mother? how does Suky Sedgemoor?"