The Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves - Tobias Smollett
Though the knight of the Griffin did not think proper to insult his rival
personally, his friend Dawdle did not fail to crack some jokes on the
figure and horsemanship of Crowe, who again declared he should be glad to
fall in with him upon the voyage. Nor did Mr. Clarke's black patch and
rueful countenance pass unnoticed and unridiculed. As for Timothy
Crabshaw, he beheld his brother squire with the contempt of a veteran;
and Gilbert paid him his compliments with his heels at parting. But when
our adventurer and his retinue were clear of the inn, Mr. Sycamore
ordered his trumpeter to sound a retreat, by way of triumph over his
antagonist.
Perhaps he would have contented himself with this kind of victory, had
not Dawdle further inflamed his envy and ambition, by launching out in
praise of Sir Launcelot. He observed that his countenance was open and
manly; his joints strong knit, and his form unexceptionable; that he trod
like Hercules, and vaulted into the saddle like a winged Mercury. Nay,
he even hinted it was lucky for Sycamore that the knight of the Crescent
happened to be so pacifically disposed. His patron sickened at these
praises, and took fire at the last observation. He affected to
undervalue personal beauty, though the opinion of the world had been
favourable to himself in that particular. He said he was at least two
inches taller than Greaves; and as to shape and air, he would make no
comparisons; but with respect to riding, he was sure he had a better seat
than Sir Launcelot, and would wager five hundred to fifty guineas, that
he would unhorse him at the first encounter. "There is no occasion for
laying wagers," replied Mr. Dawdle; "the doubt may be determined in half
an hour--Sir Launcelot is not a man to avoid you at full gallop."
Sycamore, after some hesitation, declared he would follow and provoke him
to battle, on condition that Dawdle would engage Crowe; and this
condition was accepted. For, though Davy had no stomach to the trial, he
could not readily find an excuse for declining it. Besides, he had
discovered the captain to be a very bad horseman, and resolved to eke out
his own scanty valour with a border of ingenuity. The servants were
immediately ordered to unpack the armour, and, in a little time, Mr.
Sycamore made a very formidable appearance. But the scene that followed
is too important to be huddled in at the end of a chapter; and therefore
we shall reserve it for a more conspicuous place in these memoirs.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CONTAINING THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE KNIGHTS OF THE GRIFFIN AND CRESCENT.
Mr. Sycamore, alias the knight of the Griffin, so denominated from a
griffin painted on his shield, being armed at all points, and his friend
Dawdle provided with a certain implement, which he flattered himself
would ensure a victory over the novice Crowe, they set out from the
George, with their attendants, in all the elevation of hope, and pranced
along the highway that led towards London, that being the road which our
adventurer pursued. As they were extremely well mounted, and proceeded
at a round pace, they, in less than two hours, came up with Sir Launcelot
and his company; and Sycamore sent another formal defiance to the knight
by his trumpeter, Dawdle having, for good reasons, declined that office.
Our adventurer hearing himself thus addressed, and seeing his rival, who
had passed him, posted to obstruct his progress, armed cap-a-pee, with
his lance in the rest, determined to give the satisfaction that was
required, and desired that the regulations of the combat might be
established. The knight of the Griffin proposed, that the vanquished
party should resign all pretensions to Miss Aurelia Darnel, in favour of
the victor; that, while the principals were engaged, his friend Dawdle
should run a tilt with Captain Crowe; that Squire Crabshaw and Mr.
Sycamore's servant should keep themselves in readiness to assist their
respective masters occasionally, according to the law of arms; and that
Mr. Clarke should observe the motions of the trumpeter, whose province
was to sound the charge to battle.
Our knight agreed to these regulations, notwithstanding the earnest and
pathetic remonstrances of the young lawyer, who, with tears in his eyes,
conjured all the combatants, in their turns, to refrain from an action
that might be attended with bloodshed and murder; and was contrary to the
laws both of God and man. In vain he endeavoured to move them by tears
and entreaties, by threatening them with prosecutions in this world, and
pains and penalties in the next. They persisted in their resolution, and
his uncle would have begun hostilities on his carcase, had he not been
prevented by Sir Launcelot, who exhorted Clarke to retire from the field,
that he might not be involved in the consequences of the combat. He
relished this advice so well, that he had actually moved off to some
distance; but his apprehensions and concern for his friends co-operating
with an insatiable curiosity, detained him in sight of the engagement.
The two knights having fairly divided the ground, and the same
precautions being taken by the seconds on another part of the field,
Sycamore began to be invaded with some scruples, which were probably
engendered by the martial appearance and well-known character of his
antagonist. The confidence which he derived from the reluctance of Sir
Launcelot now vanished, because it plainly appeared, that the knight's
backwardness was not owing to personal timidity; and he foresaw that the
prosecution of this joke might be attended with very serious consequences
to his own life and reputation. He therefore desired a parley, in which
he observed his affection for Miss Darnel was of such a delicate nature,
that, should the discomfiture of his rival contribute to make her
unhappy, his victory must render him the most miserable wretch upon
earth. He proposed, therefore, that her sentiments and choice should be
ascertained before they proceeded to extremity.
Sir Launcelot declared that he was much more afraid of combating
Aurelia's inclination, than of opposing the knight of the Griffin in
arms; and that if he had the least reason to think Mr. Sycamore, or any
other person, was distinguished by her preference, he would instantly
give up his suit as desperate. At the same time, he observed, that
Sycamore had proceeded too far to retract; that he had insulted a
gentleman, and not only challenged, but even pursued him, and blocked up
his passage in the public highway; outrages which he (Sir Launcelot)
would not suffer to pass unpunished. Accordingly, he insisted on the
combat, on pain of treating Sycamore as a craven, and a recreant. This
declaration was reinforced by Dawdle, who told him, that, should he now
decline the engagement, all the world would look upon him as an infamous
poltroon.
These two observations gave a necessary fillip to the courage of the
challenger. The parties took their stations. The trumpet sounded to
charge, and the combatants began their career with great impetuosity.--
Whether the gleam of Sir Launcelot's arms affrighted Mr. Sycamore's
steed, or some other object had an unlucky effect on his eyesight,
certain it is he started at about midway, and gave his rider such a
violent shake as discomposed his attitude, and disabled him from using
his lance to the best advantage. Had our hero continued his career, with
his lance couched, in all probability Sycamore's armour would have proved
but a bad defence to his carcase; but Sir Launcelot perceiving his
rival's spear unrested, had just time to throw up the point of his own,
when the two horses closed with such a shock, that Sycamore, already
wavering in the saddle, was overthrown, and his armour crashed around him
as he fell.
The victor, seeing him lie without motion, alighted immediately and began
to unbuckle his helmet, in which office he was assisted by the trumpeter.
When the headpiece was removed, the hapless knight of the Griffin
appeared in the pale livery of death, though he was only in a swoon, from
which he soon recovered by the effect of the fresh air, and the aspersion
of cold water, brought from a small pool in the neighbourhood. When he
recognised his conqueror doing the offices of humanity about his person,
he closed his eyes from vexation, told Sir Launcelot that his was the
fortune of the day, though he himself owed his mischance to the fault of
his own horse; and observed, that this ridiculous affair would not have
happened, but for the mischievous instigation of that scoundrel Dawdle,
on whose ribs he threatened to revenge this mishap.
Perhaps Captain Crowe might have saved him the trouble, had the wag
honourably adhered to the institutions of chivalry, in his conflict with
our novice. But on this occasion, his ingenuity was more commendable
than his courage. He had provided at the inn a blown bladder, in which
several smooth pebbles were enclosed; and this he slyly fixed on the head
of his pole, when the captain obeyed the signal of battle. Instead of
bearing the brunt of the encounter, he turned out of the straight line,
so as to avoid the lance of his antagonist, and rattled his bladder with
such effect, that Crowe's horse, pricking up his ears, took to his heels,
and fled across some ploughed land with such precipitation, that the
rider was obliged to quit his spear, and lay fast hold on the mane, that
he might not be thrown out of the saddle. Dawdle, who was much better
mounted, seeing his condition, rode up to the unfortunate novice, and
belaboured his shoulders without fear of retaliation.
Mr. Clarke, seeing his kinsman so roughly handled, forgot his fears, and
flew to his assistance; but, before he came up, the aggressor had
retired; and now perceiving that fortune had declared against his friend
and patron, very honourably abandoned him in his distress, and went off
at full speed for London.
Nor was Timothy Crabshaw without his share in the noble achievements of
this propitious day. He had by this time imbibed such a tincture of
errantry, that he firmly believed himself and his master equally
invincible; and this belief operating upon a perverse disposition,
rendered him as quarrelsome in his sphere, as his master was mild and
forbearing. As he sat on horseback, in the place assigned to him and
Sycamore's lacquey, he managed Gilbert in such a manner, as to invade
with his heels the posteriors of the other's horse; and this insult
produced some altercation which ended in mutual assault. The footman
handled the butt-end of his horsewhip with great dexterity about the head
of Crabshaw, who declared afterwards, that it sung and simmered like a
kettle of cod-fish; but the squire, who understood the nature of long
lashes, as having been a carter from his infancy, found means to twine
his thong about the neck of his antagonist, and pull him off his horse
half strangled, at the very instant his master was thrown by Sir
Launcelot Greaves.
Having thus obtained the victory, he did not much regard the punctilios
of chivalry; but, taking it for granted he had a right to make the most
of his advantage, resolved to carry off the spolia opima. Alighting with
great agility, "Brother," cried he, "I think as haw yawrs bean't a
butcher's horse, a doan't carry calves well--I'se make yaw knaw your
churning days, I wool--what, yaw look as if yaw was crow-trodden, you do
--now, you shall pay the score you have been running on my pate, you
shall, brother."
So saying, he rifled his pockets, stripped him of his hat and coat, and
took possession of his master's portmanteau. But he did not long enjoy
his plunder. For the lacquey complaining to Sir Launcelot of his having
been despoiled, the knight commanded his squire to refund, not without
menaces of subjecting him to the severest chastisement for his injustice
and rapacity. Timothy represented, with great vehemence, that he had won
the spoils in fair battle, at the expense of his head and shoulders,
which he immediately uncovered, to prove his allegation. But his
remonstrance having no effect upon his master, "Wounds!" cried he, "an I
mun gee thee back the pig, I'se gee thee back the poke also; I'm a
drubbing still in thy debt."
With these words, he made a most furious attack upon the plaintiff with
his horsewhip, and, before the knight could interpose, repaid the lacquey
with interest. As an appurtenance to Sycamore and Dawdle, he ran the
risk of another assault from the novice Crowe, who was so transported
with rage at the disagreeable trick which had been played upon him by his
fugitive antagonist, that he could not for some time pronounce an
articulate sound, but a few broken interjections, the meaning of which
could not be ascertained. Snatching up his pole, he ran towards the
place where Mr. Sycamore sat on the grass, supported by the trumpeter,
and would have finished what our adventurer had left undone, if the
knight of the Crescent, with admirable dexterity, had not warded off the
blow which he aimed at the knight of the Griffin, and signified his
displeasure in a resolute tone. Then he collared the lacquey, who was
just disengaged from the chastising hand of Crabshaw, and swinging his
lance with his other hand, encountered the squire's ribs by accident.
Timothy was not slow in returning the salutation with the weapon which he
still wielded. Mr. Clarke running up to the assistance of his uncle, was
opposed by the lacquey, who seemed extremely desirous of seeing the enemy
revenge his quarrel, by falling foul of one another. Clarke, thus
impeded, commenced hostilities against the footman, while Crowe grappled
with Crabshaw; a battle-royal ensued, and was maintained with great
vigour, and some bloodshed on all sides, until the authority of Sir
Launcelot, reinforced by some weighty remonstrances applied to the
squire, put an end to the conflict. Crabshaw immediately desisted, and
ran roaring to communicate his grievances to Gilbert, who seemed to
sympathise very little with his distress. The lacquey took to his heels;
Mr. Clarke wiped his bloody nose, declaring he had a good mind to put the
aggressor in the Crown-office; and Captain Crowe continued to ejaculate
unconnected oaths; which, however, seemed to imply that he was almost
sick of his new profession. "D--n my eyes, if you call this--start my
timbers, brother--look ye, d'ye see--a lousy, lubberly, cowardly son of
a--among the breakers, d'ye see--lost my steerage way--split my binnacle;
bawl away--O! d--n all arrantry--give me a tight vessel, d'ye see,
brother--mayhap you may n't--snatch my--sea-room and a spanking gale--
odds heart, I'll hold a whole year's--smite my limbs; it don't signify
talking."
Our hero consoled the novice for his disaster, by observing that if he
had got some blows he had lost no honour. At the same time he observed,
that it was very difficult, if not impossible, for a man to succeed in
the paths of chivalry, who had passed the better part of his days in
other occupations, and hinted that, as the cause which had engaged him in
this way of life no longer existed, he was determined to relinquish a
profession which, in a peculiar manner, exposed him to the most
disagreeable incidents. Crowe chewed the cud upon this insinuation,
while the other personages of the drama were employed in catching the
horses, which had given their riders the slip. As for Mr. Sycamore, he
was so bruised by his fall, that it was necessary to procure a litter for
conveying him to the next town, and the servant was despatched for this
convenience, Sir Launcelot staying with him until it arrived.
When he was safely deposited in the carriage, our hero took leave of him
in these terms: "I shall not insist upon your submitting to the terms you
yourself proposed before this rencontre. I give you free leave to use
all your advantages, in an honourable way, for promoting your suit with
the young lady of whom you profess yourself enamoured. Should you have
recourse to sinister practices, you will find Sir Launcelot Greaves ready
to demand an account of your conduct, not in the character of a lunatic
knight-errant, but as a plain English gentleman, jealous of his honour,
and resolute in his purpose."
To this address Mr. Sycamore made no reply, but with a sullen aspect
ordered the carriage to proceed; and it moved accordingly to the right,
our hero's road to London lying in the other direction.
Sir Launcelot had already exchanged his armour for a riding-coat, hat,
and boots; and Crowe, parting with his skull-cap and leathern jerkin,
regained, in some respects, the appearance of a human creature. Thus
metamorphosed, they pursued their way in an easy pace, Mr. Clarke
endeavouring to amuse them with a learned dissertation on the law,
tending to demonstrate that Mr. Sycamore was, by his behaviour on that
day, liable to three different actions, besides a commission of lunacy;
and that Dawdle might be prosecuted for having practised subtle craft to
the annoyance of his uncle, over and above an action for assault and
battery; because, for why? The said Crowe having run away, as might be
easily proved, before any blows were given, the said Dawdle, by pursuing
him even out of the highroad, putting him in fear, and committing battery
on his body, became to all intents and purposes the aggressor; and an
indictment would lie in Banco Regis.
The captain's pride was so shocked at these observations, that he
exclaimed with equal rage and impatience, "You lie, you dog, in Bilcum
Regis--you lie, I say, you lubber, I did not run away; nor was I in fear,
d'ye see. It was my son of a bitch of a horse that would not obey the
helm, d'ye see, whereby I cou'd n't use my metal, d'ye see. As for the
matter of fear, you and fear may kiss my--So don't go and heave your
stink-pots at my character, d'ye see, or--agad I'll trim thee fore and
aft with a--I wool." Tom protested he meant nothing but a little
speculation, and Crowe was appeased.
In the evening they reached the town of Bugden without any farther
adventure, and passed the night in great tranquillity.
Next morning, even after the horses were ordered to be saddled, Mr.
Clarke, without ceremony, entered the apartment of Sir Launcelot, leading
in a female, who proved to be the identical Mrs. Dolly Cowslip. This
young woman, advancing to the knight, cried, "O Sir Launcelot! my dear
leady, my dear leady!"--but was hindered from proceeding by a flood of
tears, which the tender-hearted lawyer mingled with a plentiful shower of
sympathy.
Our adventurer starting at this exclamation, "O heavens!" cried he,
"where is my Aurelia? speak, where did you leave that jewel of my soul?
answer me in a moment--I am all terror and impatience!"
Dolly, having recollected herself, told him that Mr. Darnel had lodged
his niece in the new buildings by May Fair; that, on the second night
after their arrival, a very warm expostulation had passed between Aurelia
and her uncle, who next morning dismissed Dolly, without permitting her
to take leave of her mistress, and that same day moved to another part of
the town, as she afterwards learned of the landlady, though she could not
inform her whither they were gone. That, when she was turned away, John
Clump, one of the footmen, who pretended to have a kindness for her, had
faithfully promised to call upon her, and let her know what passed in the
family; but as he did not keep his word, and she was an utter stranger in
London, without friends or settlement, she had resolved to return to her
mother, and travelled so far on foot since yesterday morning.
Our knight, who had expected the most dismal tidings from her lamentable
preamble, was pleased to find his presaging fears disappointed; though he
was far from being satisfied with the dismission of Dolly, from whose
attachment to his interest, joined to her influence over Mr. Clump, he
had hoped to reap such intelligence as would guide him to the haven of
his desires. After a minute's reflection, he saw it would be expedient
to carry back Mrs. Cowslip, and lodge her at the place where Mr. Clump
had promised to visit her with intelligence; for, in all probability, it
was not for want of inclination that he had not kept his promise.
Dolly did not express any aversion to the scheme of returning to London,
where she hoped once more to rejoin her dear lady, to whom by this time
she was attached by the strongest ties of affection; and her inclination
in this respect was assisted by the consideration of having the company
of the young lawyer, who, it plainly appeared, had made strange havoc in
her heart, though it must be owned, for the honour of this blooming
damsel, that her thoughts had never once deviated from the paths of
innocence and virtue. The more Sir Launcelot surveyed this agreeable
maiden, the more he felt himself disposed to take care of her fortune;
and from this day he began to ruminate on a scheme which was afterwards
consummated in her favour. In the meantime he laid injunctions on Mr.
Clarke to conduct his addresses to Mrs. Cowslip according to the rules of
honour and decorum, as he valued his countenance and friendship. His
next step was to procure a saddle-horse for Dolly, who preferred this to
any other sort of carriage, and thereby gratified the wish of her
admirer, who longed to see her on horseback in her green joseph.
The armour, including the accoutrements of the novice and the squire,
were left in the care of the inn-keeper, and Timothy Crabshaw was so
metamorphosed by a plain livery-frock, that even Gilbert with difficulty
recognised his person. As for the novice Crowe, his head had almost
resumed its natural dimensions, but then his whole face was so covered
with a livid suffusion, his nose appeared so flat, and his lips so
tumefied, that he might very well have passed for a Caffre or Ethiopian.
Every circumstance being now adjusted, they departed from Bugden in a
regular cavalcade, dined at Hatfield, and in the evening arrived at the
Bull and Gate Inn in Holborn, where they established their quarters for
the night.
CHAPTER TWENTY
IN WHICH OUR HERO DESCENDS INTO THE MANSION OF THE DAMNED.
The first step which Sir Launcelot took in the morning that succeeded his
arrival in London was to settle Mrs. Dolly Cowslip in lodgings at the
house where John Clump had promised to visit her; as he did not doubt,
that, though the visit was delayed, it would some time or other be
performed, and in that case he might obtain some intelligence of Aurelia.
Mr. Thomas Clarke was permitted to take up his habitation in the same
house, on his earnestly desiring he might be intrusted with the office of
conveying information and instruction between Dolly and our adventurer.
The knight himself resolved to live retired, until he should receive some
tidings relating to Miss Darnel that should influence his conduct; but he
proposed to frequent places of public resort incognito, that he might
have some chance of meeting by accident with the mistress of his heart.
Taking it for granted, that the oddities of Crowe would help to amuse him
in his hours of solitude and disappointment, he invited that original to
be his guest at a small house, which he determined to hire ready
furnished, in the neighbourhood of Golden Square. The captain thanked
him for his courtesy, and frankly embraced his offer, though he did not
much approve of the knight's choice in point of situation. He said he
would recommend him to a special good upper deck hard by St. Catherine's
in Wapping, where he would be delighted with the prospect of the street
forwards, well frequented by passengers, carts, drays, and other
carriages; and having backwards an agreeable view of Alderman Parson's
great brewhouse, with two hundred hogs feeding almost under the window.
As a further inducement, he mentioned the vicinity of the Tower guns,
which would regale his hearing on days of salutation; nor did he forget
the sweet sound of mooring and unmooring ships in the river, and the
pleasing objects on the other side of the Thames, displayed in the oozy
docks and cabbage-gardens of Rotherhithe. Sir Launcelot was not
insensible to the beauties of this landscape, but, his pursuit lying
another way, he contented himself with a less enchanting situation, and
Crowe accompanied him out of pure friendship.
At night, Mr. Clarke arrived at our hero's house with tidings that were
by no means agreeable. He told him, that Clump had left a letter for
Dolly, informing her, that his master, Squire Darnel, was to set out
early in the morning for Yorkshire; but he could give no account of her
lady, who had the day before been conveyed, he knew not whither, in a
hackney-coach, attended by her uncle and an ill-looking fellow, who had
much the appearance of a bailiff or turnkey, so that he feared she was in
trouble.
Sir Launcelot was deeply affected by this intimation. His apprehension
was even roused by a suspicion that a man of Darnel's violent temper and
unprincipled heart might have practised upon the life of his lovely
niece; but, upon recollection, he could not suppose that he had recourse
to such infamous expedients, knowing as he did, that an account of her
would be demanded at his hands, and that it would be easily proved he had
conveyed her from the lodging in which she resided.