Punchinello, Vol. II., No. 34, November 19, 1870 - Various
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Vol. II. No. 34.
PUNCHINELLO
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1870.
PUBLISHED BY THE
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Entered according to Art of Congress, in the year 1870, by the
Punchinello Publishing Company, in the Office of the Librarian of
Congress at Washington.
* * * * *
[Illustration: WALKING DOWN CHATHAM STREET.
_Clothier._ "Step in and look at our goods, Captain. Summer stuffs at a
discount--nice lot o' white ducks at half price."
_Sportsman._ "I beat you there. I've got a nice lot o' black ducks here
that ain't to be had at any price."]
* * * * *
BRILLIANCY OF THE "SUN."
The Moon, as is generally known, shines with a borrowed light, while the
Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its
pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N.Y. _Sun_, however, does not always
manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the "sunbeams,"
for instance, published in that journal of November 1st, is the quaint
and charming little poem there headed "Sally Salter," and written
originally for Punchinello, in the issue of which publication for Oct.
1st it made its first appearance, under the title of "The Lovers." We
congratulate the _Sun_ on having thus successfully lit its pipe with
Punchinello's fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough
to have acknowledged the favor.
* * * * *
A PEOPLE OF TASTE.
The extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has
frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that,
sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must
come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort
in New Haven to reform. The grocery men there say that their customers
taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that
what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar
and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keeper's profits are most
dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical
custom will have the effect of sobering down these brilliant Cullers.
* * * * *
"What Answer?"
Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this
country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil?
* * * * *
ANY MORE CAVES?
About the dreariest magazine or other reading we know of--and we get a
deal of it, too--is that which describes the visits of enthusiastic
persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly,
funereal--with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and
certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts,
who always possess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a
boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself
with anything that is big, however ugly), and the "Palaces," and
"Halls," and "Cascades," and "Altars," and "Bridal Wreaths" they see
there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but
so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we find them,
by their turgid and stupid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary
and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these
pictures (except the artists themselves); and positively there is no
flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves.
* * * * *
GEOMETRICAL.
Why is it that we hear so much of the proper "Sphere" of woman? Here is
that noble exile, the Princess Editha Montez, lecturing again, and her
subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames Stanton,
Dickinson, Anthony, Howe--all the lovely lecturers--discourse, they
forget the platform which is plane, and discuss the "sphere" which is
mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable
gentlewomen are always going round? Or is it because they cannot help
reasoning in a circle? Or is there some occult relation between spheres
and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be
understood, that these are questions addressed solely to male
mathematicians; for Mr. P. is unlike John Graham, and doesn't care to
cross-examine ladies.
* * * * *
SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY.
It is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kind--it is the
Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know the very devil himself that does
it. (And you will say that "devil" is not a particle too rough a term,
when we come to tell what it is he "secretes.") It is the _Dolium
galea_, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are
suspected of this meanness. One of 'em is the _Pleurobranchidium_
--which, of course, you have often heard of.
Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete? We can tell
you--we, who know everything. It is sulphuric acid! What! do they steal
it? Oh, no; they "evolve" it--probably from the "depths of their own
consciousness."