Punchinello, Vol. II., No. 39., Saturday, December 24, 1870. - Various
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Vol. II. No. 39.
PUNCHINELLO
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 24, 1870.
PUBLISHED BY THE
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Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of
Congress at Washington.
* * * * *
MAN AND WIVES.
A TRAVESTY.
By MOSE SKINNER,
CHAPTER SIXTH.
ANN'S RECEPTION.
The next morning, as ANN was eating breakfast, who should drive up in a
covered wagon but the Hon. MICHAEL.
"Just as I expected," said she. "They've found out where I am, and
they'll come out here and try to pump me about it. But I don't envy 'em
their job. Come in," she added, in answer to the Hon. MICHAEL'S somewhat
timid knock.
"How'd'do, ANN," said he. "Sister-in-law said you was here, and I
thought I'd come over and see you. Besides," he continued, in evident
embarrassment, "there's one or two things I thought you'd like to know."
"Well?" said she, as he paused. "Out with it, old fellow. Don't be
bashful."
"Oh! I ain't," he replied, rubbing his knees nervously. "Well, in the
fust place, the old lady is awfully down on you, says you've disgraced
the family, and she disowns you, and all that sort of humbug, but I shet
her up by telling her that whatever she said agin _you_, she said agin
_me_." He looked at ANN admiringly, and, taking from his pocket a large
package of red and white candy, handed it to her. Then he turned very
red in the face, looked hard at the ceiling, and repeated Mrs. LADLE'S
message all over again.
"First thing, _told_," said he.
It was plain to ANN that he had really come with the intention of making
love to her, but was anxious to find how the land lay first. But she
didn't give him any encouragement. Under existing circumstances, she
didn't think 'twould be right.
"Well," said she, "anything else?"
"Oh yes, I believe so,--ah--BELINDA sends love, and is jest about crazy
to see you, and hear all about it. Shouldn't wonder a bit if she was
over here afore the day's over."
He moved his chair nearer hers, glanced at her furtively, and sighed
deeply.
"Second thing, told," said he.
"Well, I'm much obliged to you. Items of gossip are victuals and drink
to our sex, you know. Don't be in a hurry," she continued, seeing that
he showed no signs of going. "Looking for your hat? Yes, here it is. Let
me put it on for you," she added in her gentle, winning way. "Good-by.
To think," she added, looking after him, "that the old pill should get
spoony on _me_!"
Sure enough, in the afternoon up drove BELINDA.
"Awful glad to see you, ANN dear," said she, kissing her. "I'm dying to
know all about it. As soon as I found out where you were, I rushed out
and hitched up the old mare myself. But I knew she'd never go so far
from home without an object in view to urge her. So I fastened a bag of
oats in front of her head. Didn't she just streak it? The idea of her
chasing them oats five miles before she caught 'em! She's out there now
eating 'em, propped up by a couple of fence-rails. But tell me, quick,
are you really married, as you said you'd be in that letter you left on
my wash-stand?"
"Yes, I am," replied ANN.
"Where's your husband? Who is he? Do tell me all about it. Does he look
like anybody I know?"
"Well, I should say he did." answered ANN, grinning. "You see it's a
sort of a joke, BELINDA. You wouldn't see the point now, half as well as
you will after you're married to ARCHIBALD. Then I'll tell you. Oh, it's
too rich!" And she laughed immoderately.
"Oh, I can't wait. Tell me now. If you will, I'll give you my new
_pique_ and that bracelet. Come, why can't you?"
"Because I don't choose to," replied ANN coolly.
"Seems to me you're mighty short about it anyhow. Putting on airs, ain't
you, because you got married before I did?"
"Well, you needn't think nobody can get a fellow but you. Pooh, I could
cut _you_ out, any time."
"Oh, you _could_, could you?" returned BELINDA in high disdain. "Perhaps
you'd better try it on, with them freckles and that mole. I don't think
your husband, whoever he is, can brag much of his taste in the female
line. I'm sure _I_ don't want to see him, so you can keep him locked up,
you jealous thing. It's some old rowdy, I s'pose, that nobody else would
look at. I hate you, and always did. Don't never come near me. There!"
And she left in high dudgeon.